GIRLFRIEND UPGRADE
GIRLFRIEND UPGRADE
How Do You Know When
You Find The "Right Woman"?
 $399 $197.00
How Do You Know When
You Find The "Right Woman"?
 $399 $197.00
Introduction
Very few guys want to be a player forever.

Obviously, I don’t know any single guy who’s going to turn down casual sex
with a beautiful woman …

Still, put that same guy in front of his dream woman – and if there’s chemistry
– he’d quickly jump into an exclusive relationship with her.

I know, because I’m one of those guys.

Having approached thousands of women and slept with hundreds – I would
occasionally find myself in a situation where I got along and connected so well
with one particular woman that I’d stop going out and looking for new ones.

It was rare, but it happened. In fact, I’m currently in a relationship with a
fantastic woman. Yes – me!

Which again proves the point – that almost any guy will forgo the “game” if
the right woman comes along.
But How Do You Know When
You Find The "Right Woman"?
That is the subject of this report. 

You see, the bigger problem – well, actually there are two main problems:

1) A guy can’t get into a relationship (i.e. find a girlfriend) at all … or … 

2) If he can, he settles for a woman who is less than what he really wants.  

Both are extremely common issues. And the first one is actually better tackled by my book, The Attraction Formula – which you should already have read.  

And that’s because getting a girlfriend isn’t all that hard once you actually start meeting more women, creating attraction with them, bringing them home, and so on.  

In fact, with just a little bit of game and effort, chances are you’ll find women who are willing and ready to be your girlfriend.  

Actually this is what women want most – they’re constantly looking out for a guy who they can get serious with.  

So, if you’re the kind of guy who has had very few relationships – or struggles to find a girlfriend – then the most important thing for you to focus on is meeting more women and creating attraction with them.  

The better you get at that, the more options you’ll have with women who are attractive and have girlfriend potential.  

In essence, this report is written a bit more for the guy who has – can easily be in a relationship – but the problem is that it’s not with the kind of women he wants.  

Put differently, it’s for the guy who has continually settled for 6’s and 7’s … when he knows he could be with an 8, 9 or 10.  

And I’m not just talking about looks – yes, we all naturally want a physically hot woman, it’s in our DNA – yet I’m also talking about other qualities that make up a great girlfriend. Qualities that we’ll discuss extensively in this report.  
How to Use This Report
There are dozens of ways you use the information on the pages that follow, so let me give you a few tips.

 
- First, just read through it from beginning to end. Allow your mind to take in all the information without focusing on any one area …

- Second, once you’ve read the entire report, pick a single area that you think you can or should improve in. Focus on that for now …

- Third, once you feel you’ve improved in a specific area – feel free to move to another area and work on that …

Don’t rush. Just focus on slow, systematic improvement.

There are several reasons for this. First, most guys fail to use and therefore benefit from information like this. They just move through it quickly and superficially – and experience little change.

The other reason is that getting a true 8, 9 or 10 requires that you have your act together in a much deeper way – in other words, what works on a night stand won’t necessarily work with a beautiful, intelligent woman who has lots of different options for guys who are willing to commit to her.

At some point, every guy wants an amazing girlfriend.

It’s a fact of life, and the reasons for this are obvious:

- Beauty is important to men; we are biologically wired to want the best possible genetic candidates …

- It feels good not to settle; it’s far more fulfilling for a guy to be with a woman that you’re attracted to both physically, and in other ways …

- A more attractive woman will keep you interested; in other words, you’re far more likely to cheat or stray or get bored if you’re genuinely attracted to the woman …

- You get social validation; let’s face it, as guys we like the respect and validation that comes from others seeing us with a beautiful woman, it’s actually currency in a social sense …

- You raise your status with other women; another benefit of being in a relationship with an extremely attractive woman is that other women will see you with her and hold you in higher regard – perhaps even want to be with you themselves …

- Less risk for STD’s; obviously, if you’re just sleeping with one woman and you both are clean and monogamous, there is no worry of getting any STD’s …

- Care and nurturing; a good woman who is very into you will tend to want to express her affection in a variety of ways … she might bring over food, cook, support you in difficult times, help keep your place clean, the list goes on …

- Guaranteed companionship; while it can fun to be with new girls each week, there are no guarantees. Yet if you’re in a good relationship, you know that you’ll have someone to be with almost whenever you want – so loneliness is rarely an issue …

- You can build something meaningful over time; once you find the right woman and you’re into an exclusive relationship – it normal and awesome to take her on trips, spend weekends together, and do things you just couldn’t do with one night stands. In this sense, you tend to build something much more meaningful with her …

Say let’s say you’ve been dating 6’s or 7’s – and you want to be in a relationship with an 8 or a 9. Or maybe you want to make the leap to dating full-blown 10’s (inside and outside).

Well, part if what we’re going to cover will also help you to not completely powerless or in a situation where she has the complete upper hand. Because that sucks too. This material is designed so that you’re on equal or better terms.

You see, it’s one thing to have had girlfriends, or have been in serious relationships before. But if you’ve been dating women who are more on the average side – and you really wants be with a more attractive woman – well, there are some adjustments and challenges that come along with a higher-caliber woman.

But before we get into those, let’s touch upon why this is such a crucial thing …
Why “Upgrading” Is So Important
First off, it never feels good to “settle.” It will eat away at you, on a deeper level when you know you could be doing better.

However, I’m really big on doing it for the right reasons.

For instance, early I mentioned the social validation that comes from a hot girl. Now I’m at kind of a tipping point where I’m old enough that I can see things a little better than when I was younger. I think younger guys value the respect and attention that comes from other guys. Also as guys get older I think they understand the cost that sometimes comes along with a very hot girl, including potential tantrums, expensive upkeep and some of the other things we’ll discuss in this report.

I remember in New York I was dating this very hot Ukrainian girl. She was one of the hottest girls I had taken around. I had slept with hot girls but I was usually kind of wham bam thank you ma’am.

I couldn’t get in her pants but she did like me so we’d go out and make out and stuff. I brought her around a couple of times and every time I would go places, and this is the weirdest phenomena, I took her to a cigar lounge once and for food at this Ukrainian restaurant and I would come in with her and it would kind of send ripples through the place. She was definitely an attention grabber.

Then, we’d sit down and on a couple of occasions she would go to the bathroom and random dudes would come up and sit in her seat. They wanted to meet me. They were like, “Hey man, I just wanted to say hi.” Solely based on how hot that girl was.

It was the weirdest thing. At the cigar lounge two other guys came over when she went downstairs or to the bathroom. I didn’t put it together, it was very weird, because usually men don’t walk up to other guys, I was like, “What’s going on?”

Then of course I realized they see her and they just want to know how that happened, or how I’m with her, or how that was possible.

I don’t know why because generally if I saw a really hot girl with a guy I would not go talk to the guy, I think he’d probably get aggravated. In other words, guys are possessive so if you go down and say, “Oh that girl is so hot.” He’s liable to punch you in the face.

Anyway, I digress. The point of all this is that as a guy, you need to be careful about focusing on getting a really hot woman for the wrong reasons.

Often, we want validation or approval or to “impress” other guys, just as guys were impressed with me when I brought the super hot girl around. (In my case however, I wasn’t looking to impress anyone, it just happened and wasn’t really an issue.)

But if your motives are validation or trying to get respect or impress others – often times you won’t be as selective with the girl, especially in certain areas and this can cause you a lot of trouble.

Because exceptionally attractive women often come with a whole new set of problems and challenges that you might not necessarily be prepared for.

This might have you wondering … “Okay, what are the right reasons to be with a really beautiful woman?”

Glad you asked! ☺ Well, first of all, I would never recommend pursuing a relationship with a woman just because she’s “hot.” I know this may sound obvious, but trust me, it’s not to most guys.

Especially since many attractive woman are flaky, selfish, deceptive, needy (emotionally, financially, etc). Now, I realize this sounds very stereotypical, and of course, it’s not always the case, but often it is. And so you need to be cautious.

Because hooking up is one thing, entering into a relationship entails bringing this woman into your life – and in the latter, some damage can be done by her if you’re not ready or aware of all these things.

Now, in my opinion, the right reason to enter into a relationship with a really attractive woman involves things beyond the physical – such as:

- You guys get along really well
- You have fun together
- Great chemistry/connection
- You share similar interests/lifestyle
- Mutual respect and admiration
- Complimentary qualities or traits

These are just a few. Obviously, I’m not a relationship guru. I’m not the guy you go to when you want to learn how to communicate better with your girlfriend, that’s for Dr. Phil, or Oprah or some relationship author.

Yet, what I will say is that while all my relationships started with physical attraction and desire, they were sustained by these other aspects.

And I mention them because most guys will often ignore them and be in a relationship with a beautiful woman purely for some of the other reasons we’ve discussed previously.

Note again, that I’m all for getting the most beautiful woman you can find.
Because it’s definitely true that a more attractive girl will generally keep you more engaged.

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a relationship, a more attractive girl is going to keep you more engaged, more interested, more excited. This is a tad obvious, but when you settle, you also have to realize that chances are you’re going to get bored in the relationship and you’re going to get frustrated.

So be sure that – BEFORE moving in a relationship direction with any woman – that she’s a attractive enough to keep you interested over time. Granted, she doesn’t have to be a “10” or look like a playmate, BUT she should at least turn you on and get your blood flowing, otherwise you’ll get bored. Trust me, I’ve been there.

On top of boredom, when you settle for a girl that is less than whatever you’re really into, you might have to deal with breakup, yet there’s still an outlay of resources, and energy, and time, and all this stuff that may not be worth it.

Where, if you actually get what you want, go after what you want, you generally feel a little less conflicted and more engaged in the process and it actually motivates and inspires you a lot more. Again, these are somewhat obvious but it’s important to kind of begin with these things.

We are laying the foundation, again, so that you have the right motivation for pursuing a relationship.

Let me say a couple of things here at the beginning that might complicate our discussion a little bit.

I created this so it would be useful for 18 year olds – but also by someone who is 40. What I found, in my own experience, is that there are different phases of a relationship. In the beginning the cosmetic stuff is very important, how hot she is. It’s always important that you want to have sex with your girlfriend and I’ve often looked at that in relationships.

Basically, you get into something with a girlfriend and then there’s just a new girl, a new hottie in bed and you’re like, “Wow, look at that.” But then you often you tire of what you have.

So, I think the first phase, cosmetic is really heavy but I would say the intermediate phase of relationships and girlfriends there are other qualities that are more important, that I have found like character and patience. As well as some of the other things I listed.
Also, On the Negative Side …
There are so many things that I have found that can disqualify a hot girl from any kind of girlfriend consideration. This is where I don’t know if I’m mainstream in that regard. The number one quality in a woman that is important to a guy, and I’ve heard this said before and I think it’s so true, is how she treats you.

 
So a guy can somehow lasso a hot, hot chick and she’ll walk all over him and bleed him dry. Some guys, because of low self esteem, might stay in that kind of thing but ultimately she’s going to leave and the guy is resentful. That’s not a very good working partnership.

I do think after the initial, “Wow, she’s hot phase.” And you’ve banged her a few times, I think however long that lasts, and with young guys I think it lasts a little longer but once you acclimate to that there’s a whole middle range that has to do with elements of basically character, maturity, honesty.

Not to mention things such as liability, responsibility that in my experience are the real keystones of something working. Just like people who come from fucked up parents, they’re fucked up. If they come from responsible mature parents they’re generally like that.

So when you get serious with a girl it’s like a family relationship – because obviously she has the potential to become a wife and the mother of your kids. So a whole set of new things come on board that have very little to do with what she looks like. This is not as relevant to the guy in his early 20’s, but as you get a little older, these become very meaningful considerations.

Again, the focus of this book isn’t necessarily to tell you everything you should be looking for or demanding in a woman – because that’s really unique to each guy. Only you can truly know that.
But the point is that if you’re compromising your standards in these other areas – just because she’s hot – you will generally suffer because of it.

Just know that, get clear on what you want from a woman other than looks, and then don’t compromise (in terms of entering a relationship) if a woman lacks those qualities … no matter how hot she is.
The Dynamic Equilibrium of Relationships
Another thing which is VERY counter to a lot of these pick up artist systems and approaches out there – is that you must grow and rise up to the level you’re seeking in a woman.

 
In other words, I think you can sleep with a girl in the beginning by being super charismatic, or fun, or exciting. But I believe, just like the stock market, that everything finally finds its value.

Put differently, a super high value guy will eventually attract a woman of high value and a low value guy, a guy has a low status, no amount of gimmicks or tricks can fool a high status woman for very long.

Unless, you are very malicious and you fool her and impregnate her, which happens, her life is then inextricably bound up with yours. Then you have basically a fucked up situation.

If you don’t do that generally a high value woman will drift away no matter how many tricks or gimmicks you have. Just like stock with an IPO can rip up but over time stocks find a price at a value they are worth over the years.

Look, let’s say a girl who comes from money, went to an Ivy League school, and this is very stereotypical and I apologize, but we’re dealing in hypothetical here, so it’s not a big deal. So let’s say she’s a surgeon, her dad is a Congressman, she spent years in France, generally speaking she’s going to try and find someone of same stature in terms of experience, worldliness, education, earning potential, background.

I think it’s a myth that unequal people can be bound together for very long. I just don’t believe it. Maybe in Hollywood, but not in real life.

So if a girl has all those things and then she’s attractive, in general she’s going to be extremely selective of a guy particularly in a relationships context. She might hook up in a moment of passion.

Or in a drunken state or on vacation, but that’s an exception – and it’s not a relationship, which is what we’re talking about.

When it comes to a relationship, her standards are going to be significantly elevated. We’ll talk about this a bit more later in this report, but it’s crucial to understand that higher caliber woman longer term there is definitely an evolution that has to take place.

And you DO actually see this in the teachings of some pick up artists, where they admit that the ultimate angle is a lifestyle improvement such that you are actually a better dating candidate.

Another thing to consider …
What Makes Up a
Genuine 8, 9 or 10?
Once you go beyond mere looks – which we’ve already discussed the importance of – it’s natural to consider what truly makes a woman a genuine 8, 9 or 10.

 
Again, we’ve covered some of the qualities and things that need to be present, and I’ve also shown you why it’s important for you to introspect and figure out what’s important to you.

However, another thing to consider is that things are not always what they seem to be on the surface … so be cautious.

To use another financial analogy, I think things are generally priced in. Like there’s an efficient market in dating and let me explain this because I think it’s an interesting point. If you have ever been to a new city and you go to a restaurant, or you go to a big city, sometimes the flashiest places have lousy food.

You think, “Why would they do that?” The experience is so beautiful and this and that. In other words, they can attract a certain clientele even without the food being that great because they have such a commanding view and they’re in a fancy place, and the waitresses are beautiful so they don’t need to hire a really good chef because people will still come.

Whereas sometimes you’ll find, and in New York this is very common, a really good restaurant, that is totally out of the way in non-descript housing but they don’t need to pay fancy stuff for the façade or the address because people will actually come because the food is so good.

So why do I say that? With a hot girl, you can get a super, super hot girl but if you feel like, “Oh my God she’s out of my league but I can get her.”

If that’s the case, be wary of other facets of her life, or character, or education, or money, or habits, or addictions, because she knows and the market is priced in, there is a reason why her standards are low for example. I think that’s also something to be weary of.

You might cynically want to target those types of girls but the point is why are all these gorgeous girls in porn? Well, because you’re only seeing one facet of their presentation.

For these reasons, it’s often better to be with a woman who is maybe an 8 in terms of looks, but has more balance in her life and other things going for her – versus the woman who is a 10 in looks, but is a complete mess.

Just like the restaurant example, the women who are 10’s get so much attention and just naturally have a long line of guys who will date them and buy them things, they never need to develop other qualities. Whereas the woman who is an 8 usually tends to have more character, personality, and so on.

Again, these are stereotypes and certainly there are times when you find a 10 on the outside – plus lots of amazing qualities – but it’s super rare.
Also, Remember – Sex Isn’t
Always Better With the 10!
Also, in my experience, one of the reasons why guys want really hot woman is there are peripheral benefits like social status and everything but also because of sexual interest and desire.

They’re assuming that sex will be better, they’ll be more into the sex. A lot of what guys do comes down to the sexual component. But one of the things that is very interesting is you can have a 10 that is frigid.

In fact, I’ve been with a lot of models, and they are notoriously bad in bed.

Often they are not free with their body, and frigid, and kind of cold. But she may be like a model type and have a beautiful face, and a nice body or whatever. On the other hand, you can have an eight, just imagine some really curvy sexy eight Puerto Rican girl or something like that, that is just so freaky, and hot, and warm, and she can dance in sexy ways, or she gives you amazing blow jobs.

For me, this is coming from looking at 250 plus data points of sleeping with various women to my life at this point, and I know there’s sometimes an inverse correlation between looks and the quality of sex.

Just as you can have a really beautiful woman with no personality – you can also run into gorgeous women who are just lousy in bed. That’s maybe partly because they’re self conscious because they have this perfect image of themselves.

It’s known in the model business, I have friends who are in that business both guys and girls, and models are the most insecure about their looks because so much is predicated on what others think about their looks.

That is so heavily weighted there in terms of self esteem. The same thing, for example, with a model she might not risk looking goofy, or even farting in bed, (not that I’m advocating that, lol) but there’s so much self consciousness that she might make a lousy sexual partner even though she’s gorgeous.

The other thing is she might just feel to the guy that he’s just so damn lucky to even see her disrobe that all she has to do is lay there and he should bow to her feet.

Whereas, a more average girl, she might just be more fun and really go at it and just be fucking hot to bang. I definitely have had incredible sex with girls that were like cute but you’d take one look at her on the street and be like, “She’s cute.” And sex is just off the charts. That’s just another thing to definitely consider.

As guys, we obviously think first with our dicks. There’s no getting around that, it’s biological. And because we enter into relationships at least in part because of the sexual component, you’ve got to not just prioritize beauty but also that sensuality and sexuality.

There are ways to kind of screen for that, particularly if you’ve got a little more time and a degree of courtship when you’re talking about moving into a relationship versus a one night stand. When you’ve got a little more time to actually screen for sexuality, sensuality, and kind of get a gage for where a girl is on this level.

Just ask yourself:

- Is she sensual? (This will show in her voice, her dress and many areas)
- Can she move her body in sexy ways?
- Does she tend to touch or eat erotically?
- Is she warm or affectionate?
- How does she kiss? Hot? Passionate?
- Is she free and wild when you get physical? Or reserved?

Again, these are things you can screen for in advance – so that you don’t end up with a beautiful woman who is lousy in bed.
A Few More Benefits …
Another benefit to having a hot girlfriend versus bouncing around to one night stands, to having an assumingly high quality girlfriend, which we mentioned earlier is that – if you’re really in to her – there’s going to be less outside temptation.

Well, actually I’m not a good example for this. Because I have such high sex drive that I guess I’m always at least a little tempted.

But overall I think it is true. If you’re truly happy with your girlfriend, and you’re probably still tempted but at least you’re less likely to give serious consideration to actually do something with another woman or cheating in some way.

I guess it depends on how you define temptation, because it’s still always easy to see a hot woman and be like, “Oh wow.” Or, physically your body might be drawn but at the same time, to the degree to which you’re actually genuinely content with your girlfriend, you won’t seriously, or meaningfully stray.

I’ve certainly, no matter what type of girl I’ve been with, I’ve always thought the next girl is also intriguing just because you can’t get around a baseline issue which is familiarity.

In other words, I don’t care how great of a steak you’re eating, or hamburger, it can be amazing but I can only eat a few In and Out burgers and I’m done. I think if we’re just talking about raw lust I don’t know if I agree with that.

In other words, you also see all these movie stars, they have the most perfect physical specimens but they’re cheating all the time, Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley. I think how a girl looks has very little bearing on how sexually satisfied the guy is a year in or two years in. But again, you can override that.

However, this gets back to the point I made at the beginning in terms of the relationship being about things other than just looks.

The fact of the matter is I’m in a relationship where I’m satisfied. We have great sex and all this stuff but there’s a lot of other components that go into that.

And if it wasn’t good all around, I’m not just talking about looks but connection, chemistry, personality, etc. then temptation tends to set in a lot more. Internally a lot of times there starts a process in motion where you’d be like, “I’m going to start looking around,” or, “I’m going to consider going in another direction.” That internal wheel is in motion and that happens a lot whereas, if you find someone who actually satisfies you on multiple levels, you’re less likely to make that decision and move in a different direction to potentially cheat or look for something else.

And that’s a bummer, because when there’s cheating or an ugly breakup – everybody loses. So it’s better to be more selective upfront and choose wisely – you’ll save both parties a lot of wasted time and heartache.

Another benefit we covered at the beginning, which I think is a little bit cynical but I think it’s also very important.

When you have a hot girlfriend and it’s known, you’re public about it, Facebook, or in your social circle and she’s hot, you kind of set a bar so that when you do break up, other hot girls are going to take notice of you because woman generally judge a guy’s eligibility based on how hot the girl is that he’s with.

This is partly how you elevate your standards and you’re ability to get hotter women in relationships. In other words, if you’ve tended to date 8’s or 9’s in the past, it’s a lot easier to find another one.

Which isn’t to say that you must have had them in the past – many woman won’t know your past anyway, but it makes it easier because it establishes a precedent that other women often notice.

And then when you become single, you’re quite eligible in the singles pool having had a hot girlfriend. You generally see that’s the case, the other hot girls will then line up and even if they don’t quite know why, they want to sniff around a little because they’re like, “She went for it and I deem her to be hot, hotter than I am or sexier.” So they come and sniff around. That’s generally the case I have seen.

And I think that now more than ever this effect is multiplied with Facebook and everything. So if you’ve got this really hot girlfriend and you’re in a relationship and there’s pictures and stuff all over, a lot of other girls on Facebook and other social media will notice that.

Then, as I mentioned, when there’s a breakup, those girls will categorize you in a way that’s relative to that girl. It’s true it does elevate your eligibility or your status.
Figuring Out The Best Type of Woman for YOU
As I’ve repeatedly stressed, it’s important that you define what an 8, 9 or 10 truly means to you – because it’s not just physical. So let’s cover a few more of the considerations …

This is not an easy thing for me to comprehensively cover, because from the outside in a way it’s one of the most subjective things, how are you going to define it.

In my previous writing, in my book and other stuff that I’ve done I kind of give this wide breath, I kind of steer clear of it because guys have all different kinds of preferences, and there’s racial preferences and other things.

I think we can be productive in the sense we can talk about a lot of different variables and considerations and then I think it’s actually important and useful for a guy who is reading this to set down on paper even what his ideal is.

Like, “My sexual ideal, if I can snap my fingers what is it?” It embodies more than what she looks like, how she behaves, and this and that.

Get that down and then really don’t settle until you have something that is pretty close to your match. I think it’s good to explore all your variables and then define if for yourself because I think if I just try to define the universal thing it’s just not going to work.

There’s another point that is really important that I’m lightly touching on, and I want to make sure we make this point because it affects everything going forward.

Earlier, I mentioned guys have their preferences and what could be an eight, nine, or 10 for one guy could be a six for another guy – and the important thing to realize is that the subjective feeling or attraction you FEEL is primarily the thing that matters. Yes, some women are “objectively” beautiful -- but how she makes you feel or how you perceive her looks or personality is what really matters most.

If a girl is genuinely like an eight, or nine, or 10 to you, she gets you off, you’re in to her, you think she’s gorgeous, you like her and other people think she’s ugly and stupid, and that’s exaggerated, but that’s really what matters.

And that’s what this report is really aimed at, helping you upgrade what is meaningful and get something that is significantly more meaningful and better to YOU. Not anyone else. As guys, we are generally able to calibrate what that means to them generally personally and that’s really the most important thing here.

Now, I’ve gone through this process having had quite a few serious girlfriends and if I sort of trod her out and start comparing her against the infinite variety out there, of course any girl is going to fall short on certain dimensions. That just kind of puts me in a restless state.

But, it’s not really about that. The litmus test is when you’re alone with her and you’re not holding her up against others that are different do you have a good time? Does she fulfill you? That’s kind of the way I try and live.
Just like I was saying, it’s subjective but in the end subjectivity is all that matters really because you as a guy, that’s your experience of her so why do you care what others care.

There are some caveats there about the benefits we discussed about that have to deal with social stuff, aside from those generally, the subjective experience of someone is what matters because you’re the one feeling the feelings and having the experience one-on-one with her.

So if you have a girl that you’re really into or your attracted to, if you can look at her and think, “Wow, she’s beautiful,” or when you’re alone with her or you’re getting excited, or really turned on, or whatever that’s what matters and you’ll know that or not.

Like we said, there are those social things where you think she’s a nine and most people generally would rate her a six, socially you might not get the same level of validation, or from other girls you might not get that upgrade overall eligibility in future instances, but if you’re happy you’re happy.
We could be beat this to death so let’s move on. The subjective is primarily what matters here.

A lot of it has to do with as I get older, because I’m 36, and also maturity and I think basically a life plan, there are different phases of life.

Something I struggle with, and I have a satisfied and active sex life with my current girlfriend, however, I have struggled a lot coming from a super oversexed single life, I’ve struggled a lot with what is the appropriate – if you think of a relationship as a pie – how much of that is about sex and lust and how important is that?

It’s an individual decision, but if you look at older couples like your parents, or people in their 40s, or 50s, or 60s with kids, and they have responsibilities, it’s not really like, “Oh my wife is so fucking hot I can’t wait to bang her.”

Yes, you want an attractive wife but there’s so many other things to consider. If you look at the pie again, is she a good mother? Is she good with money? As I get older the wedge about lust and sex shrinks.

With my married friends and stuff, this is clearly the case especially, based on the kind of woman they’ve decided to marry, that piece of the pie it looms huge for a guy who is 23, 24 but I think overtime reallocating or repurposing that pie chart, that’s a huge, huge thing and it’s a really challenging struggle for a guy.

You have choices, what type of girl, how old is she, what are her plans in life, this and that, and that is something that I have given a lot of thought to. It’s very related to what we are talking about in terms of how we want to package it and how much we want to say, that’s up to you as a marketer.

But, I think there’s a lot in there that a guy who is 40 reading this might identify with and a guy who is 20 won’t.

Also, oddly enough, what I said about me coming from an over sexed single life is one thing – but I’ve found too that the opposite can also be true. Let me explain.

One of my friends, and this applies to many of the guys I’ve worked with have come from a very under-sexed kind of background before entering a relationship. The guy I’m thinking about in particular had only been with 5 women in his whole life before his current girlfriend. He went to an all boys school, and then Stanford University, which is notoriously bad for attractiveness of the women – and on top of that, it wasn’t that easy to get laid.

(Have you heard the joke about Stanford? Nine out of 10 chicks in California is hot and the 10th goes to Stanford.)

So he was coming from that experience, and he felt like, “Well, if I’m getting into a relationship I need to have a strong sexual component to this relationship – because I’ve already spent enough time not having a lot of it. There’s no way I’m just going to lock myself in and be sexually bored or celibate a lot of time.”

So he was very clear that he wanted to be super physically attracted to the woman, and have a strong sexual component to the relationship. It had been something that wasn’t a big part of his life previously, and was (and is) very important to him now.

So his current relationship – fiancé actually – is this drop-dead gorgeous Caribbean woman. Extremely sensual, sexy and very passionate. I applaud for knowing what he wanted/needed and going for that. He didn’t settle and now he’s happy because of it.

And I bring that up because I actually think more guys are going to be coming from this position than they are coming from the position I was in, where I had already slept with hundreds of women.

I mean, once a guy has even a modicum of player skills like he can get laid decently single, getting married or becoming monogamous is an enormous concession. So keep that in mind that you need to be very satisfied relative to what you are giving up, otherwise it’s not worth it.

In fact, I read something before which totally resonates with me – and it says that the biggest sexual turn on for guys is variety.

So basically, by signing up for marriage it’s almost by definition you’re making that piece of the pie, lust and sex, a smaller part than a guy who decides to remain a bachelor and kind of poke his hands into all kinds of things.

A woman actually wrote and said, “Forget passion and romance in marriage. Marriage is much more like running a small non-profit so make sure your spouse is a decent business partner.”

Like scheduling when you pick the kids up, the mortgage is due, and I find that to be the case with my current girlfriend too. Like when are we going to eat, are we going to eat together? I mean of course you will still have “sex,” it’s just this whole different reality.

Likewise, I’ve found some truth in the cliché about finding and being with your best friend. Personally, I feel that most clichés (like when women say that they want a “nice guy,” are bullshit) …

But in the case of being great friends, I think it’s true and essential.

In fact, a lot of times you’ll read these dating profiles and they say that they’re looking for their best friend, that’s actually a pretty meaningful cliché because when you get into a relationship, no matter how hot she is if you can’t hang with her and just enjoy going to the movies, eating, watching TV, and so on.

Whatever the activity is if you just don’t really, really like being in each other’s presence and doing things together and really love that and can kind of do anything together and just have that aspect of the relationship, it’s generally going to be painful. There’s going to be degrees of discomfort, awkwardness, and just things that will wear on you.

Especially if there are any times when the sex goes dry, or it’s not there, then you don’t have that component of it -- otherwise it will just be too painful and it won’t last.

Someone I respect actually once said, “Take sex out of the picture and then decide, ‘Would I choose to hang around this person?’”

Then, you can put the sex back in and that’s fine. But thinking this way will further help you to make a wise decision, in my experience. And I’ve had about six serious girlfriends and I’ve banged a ton of random chicks, so I feel I’m fairly qualified.

Think about it like this: Even a super bunny rabbit couple might copulate so much in the first year, but eventually at year end how many hours a day are you screwing? Not that many.

You’re usually doing other stuff, a lot of non-sexual activities, so if you don’t have a great rapport and have a sense of humor with her and all this stuff it’s going to be pretty dry.

Either that, or you have to have a seven hour a day sex life going on which is a lot of work. ☺

Again, I’m not trying to write a complete relationship book here, and I want to keep pretty focused on really helping guys upgrade. But, as I said, a good starting exercise is to write down all the qualities that are important to you. And not trying to use someone else’s criteria – but really focusing on how YOU define those and what those mean to you.

I’ve listed a bunch already – but here are more qualities for you to consider:

- Personality
- Intelligence
- Sense of humor
- Sexiness/sensuality
- Fun
- Warmth/Affection
- Caring
- Loyal
- Trustworthy
- Integrity/keeps her word
- Degree of maintenance (low vs. high)
- Compatibility/commonality
- Conversational skills
- Flirting (in other words, do you guys flirt easily and often?)
- Sexual satisfaction/compatibility
- Communication
- Money management
- Emotional stability/poise
- Passion
- Goals
- Career/profession
- Respect
- Style/image
- Background
- Family

And I’m sure there are many more. Also, while these are generic – the most important thing is that you pick out which ones are most important for you and you define them – subjectively – in a way that has personal meaning for you.

Because this is what will allow you to actually develop strong criteria that will cause you to make smart decisions about entering into a relationship.

What’s interesting is that – for me personally – people often assume that because I have an Ivy League education, that I demand that the woman I’m in a relationship is super smart.

But that’s not the case. Which isn’t to say that my current girlfriend isn’t smart – she’s actually quite bright, especially in certain areas, but the point is that I don’t actually prioritize that very high in my relationships.

In my case, I’ve actually always gone for girls that have very maternal instincts because I’m already a little bit too intellectual and have that connection with so many friends and other people in my life – I feel like I don’t need any more of it. This is partly why I was never attracted in college to those super gung-ho career woman.

In a sense, I felt like they were masculine, and they were bristled, I just never could generate any kind of sympathy for them, they were like competitors in a way.

Generally speaking, with a few exceptions in college, I’ve never really gone serious with those types of girls. In my current relationship which is headed potentially towards something more serious and marriage, my girlfriend we’re totally worlds apart in terms of what we’ve focused on relative to education or the fields we’ve studied. And that’s okay – it’s great in fact. She brings things to the relationship that I love, and likewise, I bring things to her that make for a nice compliment.

But everyone is different. Another guy who maybe doesn’t have a strong education or who wants more stimulation in that area, he might really be gravitated towards like a doctor, or a woman who is a lawyer, or whatever. That might be so much the Holy Grail to him – so I understand that there’s a little bit of risk in generalizing.

For instance, I know tons of female lawyers and that doesn’t impress me.
I mean it’s impressive but I’m not looking for a female with an advanced degree, or even a college degree. To some other guys, if they don’t have one they might want that to feel like, “Wow, I married up.” So that generates a certain amount of respect and that’s one angle in the relationship. I think it totally depends on where you’re coming from.

Or maybe formal education isn’t important – but at the same time, you want a woman who is really intellectually curious and interested, because this maintains a good degree of mental stimulation. The friend that I mentioned earlier from Stanford is like this.

His fiancé didn’t go to an Ivy League, she’s actually international, but she’s also an avid reader and very intellectually curious. And he loves that about her because it gives them all sorts of things to talk about and share.

When I was chatting with him about this report, he told me that he really loves how she reads a lot and can speak about books or topics in an intelligent and articulate way.

Or, that he and she can watch a movie together and discuss it.

His perspective is that there are all these little things and activities in a relationship where, if you can at least have a degree of intellectual stimulation with each other that is engaging and meaningful, it doesn’t then it keeps things more interesting. Both people don’t have to be super ambitious or intellectuals. I just depends on what’s important to you.

In my own case, again, it’s not quite as important to me because I get that stimulation from so many others in my life. For instance, my mother is extremely bright, she has a PhD from UCLA and she speaks like six languages, she’s been a teacher her whole life. She’s probably the most stimulating female that I have a personal relationship with.

She sends me articles, and our politics are slightly different, we’ll get into fairly sophisticated conversations and so on.

In my dating life, however, I’ve never really looked to the women in my life for that. I mean I have a particular group of guy friends that I went to school with and we’ll get into some pretty involved discussions about intellectual topics but generally speaking I get that stimulation from reading The New York Times, and the Economist, and other published work.

For me, it was always more important that the woman I’m with compliment me in ways or areas where I wasn’t as strong.

For instance, once of those areas (probably my Achilles heel) is emotional intelligence.

Now, I’m good with people, I’m not like emotionally retarded in that sense but I can be hyper analytic. Often, I’ll be stuck in my head and completely oblivious to emotions I’m feeling – or to what someone else is feeling. Also, I can be really moody (it’s not just girls who are moody!) But the woman I’m with has so much emotional intelligence like patience, and warmth, and she can sense a feeling when she walks in.

When you think about it in terms of providing parenting – we don’t need two super analytic people raising kids. It does help however, that she provides that really sound moral compass, she has a really good sense of right and wrong. I’m much more willing to visit grey areas of morality, to put it euphemistically. She also has a really strong pragmatic backstop. Not only that, she’s also very action oriented.

I can putter around a lot and she’s just snap into action and say, “Let’s do the dishes. Let’s get it done.” I’ve never traveled so much and done so much in my life since I met her. She’s like this electric motive force in my life. We just go and get it done, there’s no time for whining just, “Get your shit together and let’s go.”
 
Getting laid and hot girls, that was primary focus before. But settling into a relationship is different now, and I’m more willing to concede something on the sexual side because of all the other areas of my life that are enriched because of the relationship.

Put differently, I’m in this relationship for reasons other than sex, and we compliment each other really well. As a point of contrast, my last girlfriend was super hot but really moody – and so if our moods synch up it was totally awful.

I also love that she she’s just so playful, and so warm, and so silly which is a huge part of me because I can be very cerebral so I need that other side to balance it out. I would never trade all that for some girl that could talk about Proust, walk me through Hobbes and [Cont 46:36], and we could talk about all kinds of stuff.

I know I’m speaking personally here, but I bring up all these aspects that are important to me because I think that they also might generally be important to other guys. Just personality traits like playfulness, or feeling emotionally comfortable and light around that person, not awkward.

That’s a big consideration as well, because there are certain types of woman who are just flat out emotional roller coasters – and, on the other hand, there are certain girls that are significantly more even or stable.

Particularly as you go up the “hotness ladder” of women, that emotional stability actually becomes significantly more rare so that’s something to look for.

It can test you and actually force you to grow but at the same time, and maybe this is a good transition into the next topic … but if you’re going to be around a girl all the time and she’s that roller coaster it’s almost inevitable that you’re going to be affected.
The Red Herring of the “Hot Woman”
As I’ve mentioned throughout this report, being with a super hot girl often comes with a lot of strings, and it’s not always it’s cracked up to me.

In fact, if you’re not careful, the wrong beautiful woman can do a significant amount of damage to you as a guy.

It’s kind of like the red herring, because there’s a really big difference between having a one night stand with a hottie and actually bringing her more on a deeper level into your life.

When you do that, the later, she can wreck havoc financially, emotionally, and in a lot of ways.

For instance, there’s this quote from Marilyn Monroe that says, “If you can’t handle me at my worse you don’t deserve me at my best.”

That’s the mentality a lot of these exceptionally attractive woman (especially the outrageously hot 10’s) because there is such a long line of guys who are ready to take them on that they don’t feel the need to hold themselves to any kind of behavioral standards.

For instance, if you look at it like the dating marketplace, one way to address that segment of the market is to label those “bang only” girls. But, as I explain and outline in the Attraction Formula, you have to have sufficient skills to bang them.

Generally, girls will let you sleep with them one or two times, but once they’re embedded in a relationship but it’s not always so easy to keep them in a “friends with benefits” relationship but bang them on the peripheral.

To be honest, and I know this is really hard for a guy who hasn’t been with a lot of women and maybe kind of freaks out when he’s in the presence of a 10 … but many of the super hot women out there are fun to bang, sexy, kinky as shit in bed, give you great orgasms and it’s like, “Wow.” They’re so hot that you take that pause while you’re banging them, you kind of pinch yourself, it’s an awesome feeling.

But that doesn’t mean they are relationship material. This is crucial – because if you can get them to sleep with you, you still have to have the discipline to be like, “Alright, that was fun.” But keep it to that, bedroom only.

Again, not all the really hot women are like this. BUT many of them DO come with a lot of craziness and bad habits.

And the same way she treats her own life is how she’s going to start treating your life. If her life is in shambles and you have a somewhat dysfunctional life, and I found myself in this position in New York, I had to be very careful about to what degree did I associate with these girls beyond sleeping with them.

Think about a girl who was the total princess growing up, maybe her parents didn’t hold her to high behavioral standards and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted.

Then later, she great up and became so hot that guys never stood up to her. So it’s not uncommon you encounter these types girls where, much of their life, they’ve never been forced to tow any kind of line. And they just feel like there’s really no limit on what they can do – whether it’s spending money, or freaking out, or creating drama, or whatever.

That’s actually a huge segment of generally, young hot women.

Now, I’m not a club guy. I have of course have been to clubs to meet women, but it’s really not my scene, nor is spending the money. I was pretty broke in New York. I would take public transportation which was open 24 hours, even on a cold night I generally walked instead of paying the $20 to take a cab.

Circumstances have changed now but that’s how I lived my life, I was very, very frugal.

I was a guy say in my twenties and I was fucking hot for these little tatted up, piercing, just fucking hot little club chicks. The big challenge was that I had absolutely no overlap with their lifestyle, and I don’t drink either, so they want to drink and get fucking wasted and then lose their wallet, and their iPhone, and so on, and pay $40 for the cab, and then go out and spend all that money. 

Meanwhile, I was trying to build up some financial reserves.

But my lifestyle was so different than theirs – but of course I wanted to fuck them. So the way I operated was it was sleep with them and that’s it.

I was not even interested because their lifestyle was so incompatible with mine. But a guy who was maybe not as extreme as me could find himself saying, “She’s so hot.” And then try and integrate her into his life. Then suddenly there’s all these cab rides and meals and little things that he wasn’t really feeling he would have to spend money on … and now he’s spending.

Or he’s late to work because she’s like, “Come out to the club we’ve got a table” and he’s up super late at night.

Generally, these girls are some of the hotter ones. I guess the upshot of this is there is a big difference between a girl who is hot and you want to fuck, and then the girl who’s more compatible with your lifestyle and values.

In a way it’s very obvious but I think it’s easy to get blinded by a girl’s looks and not realize that her lifestyle is absolutely not what you want, if you’re like a responsible hardworking guy, for example.

So if you’re serious about moving forward, you meet a hot girl and you want to potentially move in a more relationship direction, it’s good to really start to screen and do your best assessment of what state her life is in.

How does she handle money? How’s her apartment? Does she have an apartment? Where is her money coming from?

If everything is a mess and she just seems like chaotic and all over the place, it’s generally saying she’s going to bring that. By coming into a relationship she’s going to bring that into your life and can potentially add a really negative dimension to you that won’t work.

What I have seen, and I’m sure there are examples to the contrary, but usually she’s going to bring you down rather than you’re going to get her to all of a sudden reform.

Remember that sometimes guys, which I’ve even experienced myself, but often guys have this rescue knight in shining armor, they want to rescue the girl.

So we’re subconsciously drawn to the girl that’s troubled, almost like the “hooker with the heart of gold” theme that you often see in movies – where the falls for a woman who’s wayward, and wants to save her.

You’ve really got to be careful because that sense of rescuing a girl is generally misguided, it’s not even about the love.

As a guy, you may come into that situation and think, “It’s all about the love,” or, “I care for that girl or helping her. It’s going to be a magical thing.”

But really a lot of times those feelings or sentiments are a lot of times bred into you through culture, or through mythology, and all these other sources like TV, fairy tales or movies. You have got to be careful about that influence because you might try to rescue a girl that generally is going to bring you down, rather than you bring her up.
Never Compromise Yourself,
Your Lifestyle or Goals
Overall, it’s really essential that you don’t compromise yourself in any way for a relationship.

Another lesson in this area is the category of hot girls with low self esteem, because I’ve had my fair share of those. I think it’s worth noting because many guys (whether it’s conscious or not) think they’ve hit the jackpot when they meet a really hot girl who’s standards are lower.

It’s almost like guy self assesses that, just for schematics, let’s say he’s a six, and he lands through some gimmick a nine. She’s really hot but let’s also pretend she’s clearly fucked up or damaged in some way.

I’ve done that and I’ve definitely slept with a handful of them. Everyone’s self esteem has areas where they can work on it, but I’ve also had relationships with woman with a level of self esteem that causes serious dysfunction.

So you get the girl, and I have, then you think, “Oh, she’s so hot,” this and that, “She needs me,” so there’s this sense of security in it.

But what I’ve found happens is that low self esteem is corrosive and what happens is it turns inwards – into the relationship – in the sense of high entitlement and not a lot of delivery, or poor function on her part. What happens is basically depression (and boredom) sets in generally in the girl.

The crux of this is if you manage to trick a super hot girl into a relationship where you feel that she’s really out of your league and she has low self esteem, that self esteem is going to be a problem within the relationship.

I’ve had that to the point where I have to get out of the relationship because the woman doesn’t have actually enough internal confidence and trust in herself to make the thing work.

Ultimately, you’re living with a girl, you’re sleeping with her, and this issue manifests itself in all kinds of problems like not reliable, all kinds of shit.

Exactly to your point we made earlier about being the rescuer. It sounds hot in the beginning, the hero thing, to swoop in and be the knight in shining armor but it actually causes functional friction once you get pass the honeymoon stage because she’s not capable of handling herself.

In the example I gave really hot girl with low self esteem, there are so many things that can get fucked up in that kind of situation.

In the beginning, generally speaking, there’s that excitement of the relationship and it fills that void of low self esteem and she feels really approved, and excited, and she’s getting all this attention, and there’s romance and everything but that inevitably wears off.

Then, like when the low self esteem kicks back in again, that depression, that downward cycle, she’s going to try to fill that or change that. It could be like going shopping with your money, or being really demanding about physical things, or it could be that she’s now bored with your attention.

Or getting attention from other guys, which can especially fuck you up if you’re the jealous type.

And when she starts trying to get attention with other guys, and she ends up cheating, or you get in a fight. There’s all these other problems that can come from that. That’s something that the sex guru, David Shade says, and I agree with him, in that if you want a really good relationship (including long-term sexual) – then you must begin by screening for self-esteem.

To be clear, he’s not referring to one-night-stands – where you can have hot or great sex with a LSE (low self-esteem) woman. He’s talking more about having sex repeatedly with a girl, which is really relationship territory.

If a girl doesn’t have self esteem, or varying self esteem, it’s generally going to mess up not just the sex – but the entire relationship – so you really have to do a good job of screening for that in the beginning or you’ll pay the price for sure, there’s no two ways about it.

Most guys, whenever they think about rescuing a girl, that’s usually like a very immature superficial impulse.

Most guys don’t even have the tools to really rescue a girl anyways on the levels that they’re hoping. If they’re honest about it, too, nor would they really want to do that, once they understand everything that’s involved with that.

Because what happens, I mean just no-strings sex is one thing, but when you bring a girl into a serious relationship it goes from two independent unit to in many ways one unit with interdependence and the deficiencies that are part of her life are now going to become deficiencies on your own balance sheet, the unit now has a deficiency and now it’s the guy’s problem. That’s not going to go away.

So there’s definitely a lot to be said about screening for self esteem. It’s absolutely one of the biggest characteristics to look for.

There are unfortunately, or fortunately, whatever, there are a lot of hot girls with great character and self-esteem, and there are plenty of hot ones that have terrible self esteem. And it’s very tempting because they’re kind of easy to pray on, they’re low hanging fruit and they’re hot. It’s actually a big problem, because they’re so hot it’s a lot harder to walk away from them before things potentially get serious.

A couple of things you can use to evaluate self-esteem:

- Does she come from a strong/stable family?
- Does she have good friendships? Good relationships with ex-BF’s?
- Does she speak well or did she have a good relationship with her father?
- Is she always looking for attention or validation?
- Is she always bored and looking for some sort of external stimulation?
- Does she try hard to be noticed or popular?
- How emotionally stable is she? Does she have big mood swings?
- Does she seek or demand a lot of approval – or is she self-assured?

There are many other ways to know about a woman’s self-esteem, but these questions can give you a decent reading on it. You can also use your intuition, which I’ve done quite often.
“A Man Will Be Devastated When a
Relationship Ends to the EXACT Degree
to Which He Compromised His Terms”
I was given this quote many years ago by a guy I know – who had done a lot of internal work and very mature as man. It’s really profound.

Basically what that means is a guy has his standards for himself … for instance, one of my basic standards is that I refuse to be homeless, so I’ll do whatever to avoid that.

On my own personal journey, I hit a low point in my life in my early 20’s where I struggled to even pay for housing. And ever since then, however painful at times, my standards for myself risen from there A lot has to do with one very, very easy metric -- money – because money is a discreet unit of value in so many things.

For example, in my 20s, I would often wait till the last week to really get serious about where my rent money was going to come from. Or, even in a worst case example, say my rent was $800 I would occasionally consider that $800 as potential money to spend if something really great came up.

But at a certain point in my life my standard for having my housing secured became so strong that even going back, had three to five months rent written down in my check book back to zero. It was in my checking account but my check book said zero. It was buried there.

In New York City housing is a big issue and I had some issues with it so it became a very clear standard of mine that there will always be a comfortable roof over my head, no roommates challenging me, and causing noise and headaches, basically a sanctuary.

It was a personal standard and over time my standards have gone up for myself and it’s informed all my decision making.

I guess the simplest way to address that quote I just gave, is that wherever a guy is in his life he has certain standards for himself.

And I think what happens is when he’s by himself, if he can, if he’s not suffering from a mental issue or an addiction, or something, generally he can maintain those standards fairly consistently for himself, whatever his lowest bar is. What happens is if you get involved with a girl and for the sake of the relationship or the girl, you dip below your standards on whatever it is – be it money, time, how you treat your family, all kinds of stuff, generally you’ll come to regret it.

First, the woman will lose respect for you. Women like men with high standards in the long run. Either that or they price themselves out of a relationship with you, as they realize, “This guy is out of my league.”

It gets back to our earlier point, you can chase a girl who feels she’s not worthy but it’s not really that great. Basically, sticking to your standards attracts woman at that level and disqualifies those below.

What often happens with guys, is that we violate our own bar and go below our standards in an effort to please her or do something for the relationship, and inevitably it doesn’t work.

Generally the woman loses respect, and we feel on lesser footing so our confidence and all that starts to weaken, and it’s basically a personal betrayal which no one should ever do.

Although it occurs all the time, it’s really awful to the self. It’s a personal betrayal to attempt to please another person.

The woman loses respect for you, the relationship suffers and generally if there’s too much of that, the relationship is going to fail anyhow so the girl is then gone and you’re left with no girl … and, worst of all, your own standards have been compromised.

Sometimes, to a devastating degree, you’re broke, or maybe even homeless, because you compromised your financial standards and spent too much money. Not every guy can relate to this, but there are so many examples of guys doing ridiculous things for woman and then they’re totally bereft and bankrupt afterward.

No girl, no standards, self-esteem is in the toilet, and they only have themselves to blame. It’s dark, dark hole.
Maintaining High Standards – Unwaveringly –
Leads to Massive Attraction and Better Relationships
The flip side is if you maintain these standards, a lot of it has to do with the ability to say no either verbally or with your actions.

Like, “No honey, we can’t do that. No, I cannot dip into this fund for your big fucking ring you want.” Whatever the shit is. When you do that, when you have the ability to act and say no to stuff, and the many demands of the female (which are always going to be there by the way) … then you actually show her the line, you build self esteem and self respect, she respects you more – and the relationship actually has more solidity and is stronger.

Your terms can be in place even in a very short interaction, even in just trying to get laid. That’s why I was so good at it, because my terms were fucking rock solid. Chicks could feel them and she’d be withered.

She’d either come over to my place, and get fucked properly or she’d turn tail and get out of there. Either outcome I was pretty cool with, because I was operating with what was okay with me, my own personal standards of what I would accept.

Ultimately, when you operate this way … when it ends either short-term or a girlfriend doesn’t work out, it’s not that you have ventured anything or risked anything, but you haven’t betrayed yourself. You were okay with all the decisions you made.

 A wise guy once told me something, and this it totally relates to interpersonal relationships as well …

I was in a situation with a former business partner, and I was complaining, “This fucking guy Andy really pissed me off.” He said, “Paul, you’re not mad at Andy you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad at how you behaved in response to him.”

I’ve seen it all has to do with the self. I’ve learned that so much over the years. It was true, in that case, something made me uncomfortable in our business relationship – but instead of calling it out, I had just continued forward and there were consequences, not terrible ones, but still painful consequences down the line.

Generally speaking, we really suffer more when we betray ourselves than when someone else betrays or offends us. It may not seem that way initially, but the self-betrayal is much deeper and stays with you.

And you have to be careful, because there so many ways a guy can compromise once he has a beautiful woman in his life. Maybe he stops working out because the girl wants him to go do something at night, or whatever his time is.

Or, like I was saying in the example of living in New York, I had $1,000 in the bank and I knew I had to pay my rent in a week – and if I let the girl talk me into shopping and it cost $500, then all of a sudden I can’t pay my rent and I’m freaking out, stressed, and suddenly have this unnecessary anxiety.

Plus, the other thing that’s imbalanced about it, and I generally didn’t do that but that type of behavior with regard to shipping … but the reason why it’s so fucked up is -- on top of everything else – in my experience the girl didn’t give a shit that I can’t pay my rent.

It doesn’t all of a sudden become her problem now and she’s like, “Oh my God.” Generally speaking, no. She won’t care. So you have to.

And I’ve seen this with many of my friends as well. One of my buddies is really happy with his current girlfriend, but at the same time if she makes decisions, or she does things, she goes crazy on expenses that he doesn’t authorize or agree with necessarily – at the end of it – he can be upset and be like, “What the fuck?” She’s like, “I guess you’re going to have to make more money.” He’s come to realize that he will always be the one to fix it.

Because she’s never going to stress or borrow money or work harder in order to bail him out. In my general experience that’s absolutely true.

Most women simply will NOT accept any responsibility or accountability for the consequences of what that means for you. This is true, even in the context of a marriage – think about a divorce, where she might spend more than half the money in the relationship … and then it’s over, and she leaves and takes half. Without any qualms at all.

Again, the reason I’m harping on this is that really beautiful women often have had men catering to them on a financial level, so they are very free and irresponsible with money – no sense of consequences because they’ve rarely if ever had to deal with the consequences.

So just keep in mind she might put you in a difficult situation – and then not care or be responsible for that at all. Again, it speaks to the importance of maintaining the standards – even if it seems rigid at times.
One more example, just so this is clear …

Let’s say you’re in a serious relationship – or even a marriage – and there’s a bill coming up. She does something and you don’t have that firm boundary or that clear line in place, she does something spends a lot of money or whatever and because of her actions, you can no longer pay the bill.

And let’s say it’s a collective thing like the home mortgage or something like that, and this just goes to show the degree of non accountability, because often she’ll be like, “Alright, now it’s your job to fix that.”

It happens more than you think, though it’s true that women do work and create money more than ever, the point is that if it requires extra effort, strain or stress – she often won’t go the extra mile. Indeed, she won’t even allow herself to be discomforted by maybe going out to ask a family member to borrow it or whatever.

She’ll just be like … “it’s back to you as the guy to fix it.” And in a sense, she’ll be 100% right because you were the one who compromised your standards and let it happen.

One way that this circles back and applies so much to this report is that what I’ve seen is really hot, really demanding girls, really the best pair for them is a guy with really strong terms.

 It kind of turns them on to have boundaries put on them like, “No honey, no.” 

Then generally speaking, a guy with strong boundaries also has accumulated resources so he may say no to this $3,000 Gucci bag but he’s disciplined in his personal life that they live comfortably overall.

When we talk about eights, nines, and 10s -- obviously some of these women are really entitled and demanding but really hot – so make sure that you know what you’re signing up for.

Because otherwise you’ll be blown out pretty quickly. Either she’s going to bankrupt you, even not financially but in other ways – I’ve also seen guys that abandon their social life. She says, “I don’t want you to see Jeff. Cut him out.” 

“Okay honey, okay.” In other words she can have you sacrifice social things too.

My father once said that one of the things he regrets the most is something silly he did when he first married my mom …

Basically, the story is that he had a past relationship with a French woman from when he lived there in France. They had a pretty involved and very complicated romance, but he loved the woman and even had a daughter with her.

Anyway, so when he met my mom and married her years after, 10 years after, as some kind of stupid display of bravado he ripped up all the pictures of his former love interest.

Now, he’s an old man and he divorced my mom after 10 years of marriage and now he’s remarried to an ex-nun outside of Seattle. He’s an old man now and at this point, he wishes he still had those photographs. They were beautiful and part of his life. I remember him telling me about it, and the point was to never do something that’s stupid or foolish – because you don’t know the outcome of the relationship. He really regrets doing that.

He would love at this age, he’s in his 70s, to have these pictures of when they were young together. He’s like, “How stupid was I? I tried to impress your mom by doing something like that.”

It’s a word of caution to guys because you’re generally going to regret that kind of stuff. You never know what will happen, don’t do something you’ll regret later just to impress her. It never works.

One more thing: Even if a guy lands a hot girl who has a lot of dimensions, even in a best case scenario, make sure that your terms are tough and intact because they’re going to be challenged all the time. I don’t want to give the impression that it’s just insecure or LSE women who will challenge your terms.

All women will, it’s biological and part of evolution – they need to know they are with a strong guy who won’t buckle under pressure. So just expect it, regardless of who you are with.

Of course, if she’s testing and challenging your terms too much – that also is not a great sign, if purely for the fact that it’s a big workout to constantly have to tussle with a girl and negotiate because she will push, she will test, test, test.

Guys say, “Oh, I want a hot girl.”

But are you really prepared to handle her, and her demands, and her tests? You better be ready.

One cool thing, though, is that if you have strong terms you have to put them up repeatedly – it can lead also to hot passion and great sex. Because you standing strong while she’s trying to lead you in different directions will create a lot of sexual tension and attraction.

So that’s another really good thing that comes out of you being firm with your terms and boundaries.

This is where a relationship can help you grow significantly as man. In my own case, and pretty much every guy I know, your weaknesses are a lot of times being exposed by a woman’s tests -- and if your terms are clear but need some strengthening, being with a really hot woman can be a really amazing learning process. You’ll see where you are strong, weak and you’ll get the opportunity to strengthen your terms in ways you can’t always do on your own.

This is very powerful, and even guys who have been beaten up by beautiful women (in the figurative sense) often come out of it much stronger the next time they’re in a relationship.

So don’t feel too bad if you’re inexperienced and have to learn some of this the hard way, my intent is just to save you as much pain as possible so that you get all the benefits of being with a beautiful, amazing all-around women with little or no downside.

Another metaphor is the wind and the flag pole. The feminine energy is more like the wind – or sometimes like a storm if she’s upset – and you’re job is to just be strong, stable and not move. Be sturdy and support her, but don’t bend. She will pass like the wind – sometimes I’ve heard the women likened to the flag, in that she relies on your support and strength.

So keep that in mind, she will test you, but as you become strong and pass the tests, it becomes an amazing experience for both of you.
What To Do Once You’ve
Found the Right Woman
Now, let’s say you do find that woman that we’re talking about. She’s an eight, or nine, or 10 physically – but she’s also got other really good qualities, she’s not super deficient in self esteem.

One of the things though that I want to cover – before we wrap up this report – is to paint the picture of what it’s like once you’ve got her, once you’ve found the right girl, she’s hot, she gets you off, you’re compatible, you’re really into her, she’s not super deficient in self esteem, she’s into you, you guys hook up or have sex, and you’re ready to kind of go into that relationship direction.

As we mentioned before it’s a lot easier to dupe a hotter girl into a quick sexual encounter – but keeping a truly high-quality woman around for longer is a little bit more challenging.

So before we wrap this up, let’s go through some of the things that it takes to maintain a relationship with an upper echelon type of girl.

Some of the things we have already discussed, such as the strong boundaries and terms. That’s huge, perhaps number one.

Another point would be a strong identity which is very related but subtly different in terms of knowing who you are.

I personally believe that boundaries and terms are very closely related to preferences which have to do with identity.

In other words, a strong guy will say, “I don’t feel like eating Thai. My stomach is upset I want to eat whatever.” The girl says, “But I want Thai.” “I said not tonight honey. I don’t want to eat that. No.” And the decision is final. You could come up with a bunch of scenarios, but basically a strong preference that he doesn’t back down from.

Now, I don’t want to have people misinterpret this as being fully rigid.

All it means is that you’ve thought through how you’re living your life and where you want to go, and there are some areas where no amount of pressure from her is going to get you to back down.

Because one of the biggest thing I’ve realized is in a monogamous relationship the one term that is not negotiable really, and it took a long time for me to swallow this, is monogamy.

My girlfriend pretty much lets me do whatever I want. I travel, I am away often, we were long distance for two years. But, the one area she refuses, where I must honor her terms, is with monogamy.

I mean, I could but she would then say, “I’m going to move on because I’m not going to stick around.”

So on that point we’ve both battled fiercely and I’ve seen that, in order to have her in my life, I need to not be involved with other woman. That’s a huge concession for any guy, but especially someone like me who had built up such a lifestyle and skill set around sleeping with many women.

I think beyond that, if a quality guy makes that one concession he should really not be too eager to make that many more concessions. I mean everything after that, in my opinion, should almost be on his terms.

We have this dynamic, but then again, I’m much older and I make most of the money and stuff, but that’s such a big concession that after I believe that most women shouldn’t be too demanding – of course, it doesn’t always play out like that for most guys.

But that’s because they generally surrender their terms slowly – to the point where you have this stereotypical image of today’s married man who has no balls, no terms, no assertiveness left.

Don’t be that guy – and recognize the danger that comes from compromising your important terms even once.

To do this you must know how much strength you have in the relationship. A guy with who a girl doesn’t value him very much, she can push his terms all day and she’ll be like, “You can have your terms by yourself in that corner. I’ll see you later.”

So the degree to which you can actually enforce your terms is relative to the degree to which she has attraction and value of you. The respect really has to be there, or she won’t care enough anyway.

Related to identity another thing, and all this stuff is so fluid, we’re segmenting boundaries, and terms, and lifestyle, but all these things are so interrelated.

Identity for example, part of your identity would be, “I love having really awesome male friends.” I maintain this standard, and I love going out with my buddies and watching sports, or whatever it happens to be.

That’s an identity component, it comprises a portion of who you are but it’s also gets into lifestyle, what you do with your time, and how you go about living your life. To have a really fulfilling relationship with an attractive woman – one that is balanced and not compromised – all those things need to be really, really strong.

Another a big point, and this is something that has definitely been said before in the seduction community, you’ve got to have an attractive identity/lifestyle generally if you want to keep a higher quality woman in your life.

In other words, if your lifestyle is pretty boring, or it sucks, you never do anything interesting, you’re just sitting at home all day – then you’re going to have a tough time keeping an 8, 9 or 10 in your life … high self-esteem or otherwise, she’ll just get bored.

I could go into more detail about lifestyle, but again, there’s six billion different lives lived – and they all have value – so everyone is different, yet there are some universal things …

But before I do that, let me say again that I think a guy who has a very ho-hum life can still be VERY attractive to a woman, especially sexually if he has very strong terms, even in a micro situation because she’s used to getting what she wants and he doesn’t give in, he’s like a immovable rock.

So she’s just like biologically turned on.

I remember one time I was with friends in a very upscale club, and there was this really hot waitress who wanted me to take a shot, which I continually refused. I kept my terms, where many guys would have buckled.

Now, it was a very short interaction and she knew nothing about my lifestyle but she was attracted to it. So later, after all my refusals and not any real conversation, she ends up giving me her number without me even asking – and then I end up sleeping with her that same week. Crazy!

Now, this is a short-term sense, and getting back to lifestyle – it is important that in a serious relationship you have a good lifestyle you guys can share. It will make things more alive and give her more incentive and engagement/stimulation needed to stick around.

Think about it in terms of options …

An attractive woman who’s smart and has a little bit of social mobility, she has a lot of options. She can live in different cities, maybe live internationally, she can date bankers, and lawyers, and rock stars, surgeons, she can date a waiter, she can date a taxi driver.

So if you have a horrible lifestyle, she might one day just be too bored and want to go be with another guy who can provide more enjoyment and stimulation – and it’s the same for us guys. We all need adequate stimulation and excitement.

There’s a couple of different ways to think about this. First of all, universally speaking, nearly all woman like travel, and ideas, someone who has an active mind and I don’t mean narrowly speaking like engineering, but ideas and history, and art, and fashion. Ideas about those things, that’s pretty good stuff to have conversations with and interest woman with.

Travel does, some refinement in terms of culture and cuisine, dressing well, you could list stuff that generally woman find attractive. Higher levels of education, strong education, and then fundamentally undergirding all this is financial resources.

If you have money which means options, you can partake in more of all this stuff. Not just for her amusement and enjoyment but also it gets to security, and offspring, and provisioning for them.

Money is fundamental in a way. Not to flash it necessarily but to allow you to do things. You can do stuff cheaply, and if you don’t have money there are ways to still give yourself a great lifestyle, but you’ll be limited in the form of travel and other areas.

Again, that won’t totally limit you in terms of getting an 8, 9, or 10 – but just keep that in mind.

And I will say that woman are actually more forgiving, a lot of times they do want, or need, or like to be around money … IF a guy has a lot of other things in place and at the very least he has ambition and they can feel it, or they can sense that sense of direction and ambition, they’ll forgive lack in the moment of money.

Another thing I will say women LOVE when a guy has a passion for one thing, or a passionate life.

Like a flamingo guitar player, he might be broke but when he plays the guitar he’s so absorbed and he’s so engaged, and he’s just like a beautiful thing to watch. That can be mesmerizing for a girl and maybe she brings some of the other stuff, some resources to the table.

Or maybe he has so much passion and purpose in that activity, she is satisfied – it definitely happens.

Overall, woman do, almost across the board, appreciate and gravitate towards passionate guys. Often times about one thing, they’re passionate about their art. You could also be an engineer, passionate about building. I don’t know if there’s much crossover, but passion really, really gets them excited.

Lifestyle wise, it’s also good to have crossover, things that you do that she’s really into or she thinks are cool or interesting, or whatever but even if that’s not the case a lot of times if you’re just super passionate about certain things or if it’s specifically about one thing, you can initially draw her in just by that passion.

One good example is the movie called Adaptation, with Nicolas Cage and he was the writer and he was two personalities basically – but there is a poor version of him, yet he’s attractive because he’s so intensely passionate about what he does.

Obviously, there are a lot of examples especially in Hollywood where everything is exaggerated – but you can have guys who are normally not candidates even for attraction or a relationship but if they’re passionate in a particular area they can actually draw woman in with that.

On a lifestyle or identity level having a really, really strong, clear passion is extremely engaging to a woman. That’s really good, we’ve covered that well in terms of what it takes to keep her.
The Power of High Standards
One additional element I want to add – which is related to boundaries and terms – is just noting that, fundamentally, woman like when a guy has just really high standards across the board.

Like he’s got high standards for the kind of woman he wants to be with, high standards for his work, he has high standards financially he wants to maximize, high standards for his health.

So if you can convey you’re a guy with really high standards across the board, and not just convey it actually be it, you’re going to attract a much better all around woman – usually one that’s beautiful AND has her life together, a very rare woman.

The only caveat here is that some woman will disqualify themselves because they’ll feel like, “Wow, I don’t have a chance with him, his standards are higher than mine.”

She might be hot, which the guy might say, “Oh damn it.” But that’s not a terrible result is it? That you’re only attracting woman at your standard or above?

You might miss some fun with some hot girls that have low standards but generally I don’t think there’s a lot of down side to maintaining high standards.
Remember, this report is more about long term situations. The downside you’re talking about is more short term but this whole discussion is really about building quality, lasting relationships with the right type of woman.

So it’s really important to keep this in consideration. By maintaining very high standards and strong terms – you will probably miss out on some fun with hot women here and there … yet in the long run, you’ll be better at attracting a more complete, more attractive overall woman – and I’m operating under the premise that’s what you’re looking for.

I hope I’m right about that. ☺

Oh, one more thing I almost forgot – which is very important in upgrading to a higher-quality women – is the ability to walk away …

If a girl senses you’re afraid or you don’t have that ability to just be able to say, “Alright, this doesn’t work for me I’m going to walk.” She will walk all over you figuratively.

That’s why it’s not a bad idea to have – one guy I know advocates this, still on occasion go out and be around attractive woman of the opposite sex in a social setting – so you don’t get your head too deep in the hole.

You realize that there are other woman out there and you are still calibrated to normal attractive females your age. You don’t lose all the calibration because you’re only interacting with one girl.

This is really important, in fact.

Remember that quote that we had about the terms?

Well, I remember when I first saw that on my friend’s piece of paper than he carried around. And on that same page it also said, “That a guy is not ready for a long term committed relationship until he has mastered short term recreational relationships.”

I think that is so true. I felt I was very strong entering this current relationship because I had really mastered the short term and could easily attract other women at will. In other words, I wasn’t coming from a place of lack or insecurity.

Being able to walk away, along with the ability to meet and attract women in a short-term sense, really helps you bring a lot of things to the table.

One of them is there’s no doubt in her mind that you will be fine if you were single tomorrow -- especially in terms of getting your needs met -- and it helps you know that. That’s a check on irresponsible behavior.

In other words, a girl should know, I believe, that a guy has a breaking point and he has an ability to go out and harvest bunches of new girls if she acts up too much because that keeps her in check.

Everyone needs checks on their behavior, including the girlfriend and the guy. 

To really to commit to a long term relationship I think it’s very helpful for a guy to feel that he’s very successful in – and it doesn’t have to be getting laid on a one night stand, but that he can go out and develop sufficient interest from other females if he had to.

If a guy feels like this is his only source of pussy to put it bluntly, it really screws his head up because he thinks, “Oh my gosh what if she cuts it off?” which she will do. Even a woman with high integrity could at instances use access to sex as a switch if she feels like the guy can only get it there.

I’ve never had that problem with girlfriends because they know if they shut that down they’re done, I’ll just go out and get 10 replacements. So that’s never even an issue, but I think that needs to be in place because, it keeps a woman more on her toes for sure.

You could also think about it as maintaining your edge in a relationship so that you don’t get seen as this tame, docile, pushover family guy, boring guy and that’s a big part of it. I know there are guys that advocate – even when you’re in a serious, committed relationship – to go out do cold approaches and still meet women. Which can be very helpful for the relationship. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you need move in any direction with those women – in fact, you should maintain the commitment of the relationship, whatever it is -- but it’s a great way to maintain that edge, that flirty edge. It can actually be really good.

Partly, because women can sense it and it also turns them on. It’s another example of when a girl sees her boyfriend having a kind of flirty thing at a party, maybe he’s talking a little too long to the girl at the bar as he gets his drink.

You’ve never seen a girlfriend come so fast with her perky tits, “Hi honey.” It reignites something that could be a little flat because all of a sudden just that little spark of competition gets the sexual tension back up. If it’s done correctly, it’s definitely not bad from time-to-time to have her on her toes a little bit more.
 
And even if she doesn’t see it. I gave you the example where she can see it but even if she doesn’t see it, one of the topics I discuss in the Attraction Formula is mojo – and being in a long term relationship where you are essentially cutting off all your other sexual options – it can harm your mojo if you allow yourself to stagnate.

So getting out there and flirting can help your experience of mojo and your feeling of masculine sexuality.

Most guys, if they’re serious about their relationship, they don’t want to endanger it but there are ways to do approaches, or just even flirt more, or be in tune with that sense of mojo and maintain it, it will actually be really, really good for your relationship itself.

Again, even if she doesn’t witness it, it reinvigorates the guy, I know for myself. So that even on an unconscious level when the guy comes back and sees his girlfriend there will be a masculinity boost. He’ll come back and she’ll sense that on some level.
The Importance of Testing for Integrity
One last piece of wisdom I want to impart, before we conclude, is that it doesn’t matter on a short term, or even on an intermediate term … if you want to get serious with a girl, especially if you’re going to join financial plans and cohabitation this is vital.

And it gets into the area of integrity and honoring her word, even when she doesn’t want to, or she’s emotionally angry, or hurt, or circumstances have changed.

Generally, we as a society say that a guy has high integrity if a business deal goes south – but he had said he would pay for something, and he still writes the check even though it’s totally not in his self interest.

But, he says, “I said I would, so I will do it.” That’s high integrity; even though it hurts him because the other person is counting on it. That’s generally not a female quality, they’re generally, “It’s all fucked, run!” And they abandon all their commitments. That’s what I’ve seen.

However, if a woman has a lot of trouble keeping her word – and is always really late or flaky in commitments, it’s a big red flag.

Because what does that predict? That means a lot of things, that protects the guy, that’s the whole issue. Imagine in divorce and she’s really hurt, she can be vindictive or she can say, “You know what?

As we discussed earlier, and I understand he has obligations, I’m not going to gouge him for this. I’m very hurt and angry with him but he has a life too, he’s a human being, I don’t want to deprive him of that.” That’s a woman of high integrity who is considerate of others or her word even in the face of really disappointing or hurtful stuff.

There’s ways to see that on a micro scale and I saw that with my girlfriend, and I’ve been very impressed with her in this area – she’s beyond any other women I’ve met in this regard.

And it’s great, because it allows me to invest in her and us at a tremendous rate because I know that her DNA is made like that, a sense of right and wrong. Even if she doesn’t like it, “I said I would and here it is.” The whole thing is she doesn’t even have to like it she just has to do it. That’s what I call high integrity.

Now, you don’t have to marry Moses or anything, but you can try and find a girl who has some backbone there. It will serve you well because generally in the long-term things there are challenges and problems, and you’re going to want to count on someone like that.

And the reason, I mention this toward the end is that it’s a fairly rare – yet also pretty important quality for you to look for, at least in a woman you want to get really serious with.

Because first and foremost, a serious relationship involves trust. If you can’t trust that she’s going to do what she says she will do – or honor her important commitments, then you’ll always be wondering about her and this can wreak havoc on you internally.

Again, she doesn’t have to be a saint or perfect – but very few guys think to look for this, and they suffer a lot of pain later on due to some form of mistrust, betrayal or breach in integrity.
Conclusion
Overall, we’ve been through a lot together in this report. In a sense, I’ve jumped around a little because this is really not a totally linear subject.

Relationships are very different from the systematic 1-2-3 process that I used when my focus was meeting and seducing women.

And don’t get me wrong, like I’ve repeated throughout, I believe that your ability to meet and seduce women (short-term) will significantly help you when it comes to being in a quality long-term relationship.

Still, relationships are more organic and fluid – you can’t just follow a formula. And the best way to learn, above and beyond excellent resources like this, is to learn the hard way and actually BE in some relationships.

You will learn so much about yourself, more than this report could ever hope to teach you.

The primary benefits of what you’ve received here are that …

- You know have a better sense of both the positives (and negatives) that come from dating and being in relationships with beautiful women …

- You have a better sense of the types of standards, terms and lifestyle you must maintain IF you are going to attract a quality woman for more than just short-term sex …

- You better understand what it takes to relate with her in a masculine way, thus ensuring than respect is maintained and she never walks all over you …

- And you have a far more clear, more detailed set of criteria you can use when you meet beautiful women – that will allow you to tell which ones are worth considering for something more serious …

The last one is essential, because it automatically and immediately makes you more attractive to women when you have clear criteria that you look for.

Which doesn’t mean that you have to rigidly go through your checklist – but never-the-less, allows you to have a compass that will steer you in the right direction when it comes to women and relationships.

I hope you benefited from some of these gems, and the real test will be whether you can apply them as you go out and live your life.

It will always be tempting – for any guy, no matter how strong – to reduce his standards or concede terms, especially when he meets a beautiful woman and she seems to want him to do that.

However, in the long run, you’ll be so much better off … so much happier and stronger as a man … if you stick to your guns and don’t go back on who you are, or what you accept for yourself.

I appreciate your time, and wish you all the best in your journey in finding the right woman for you.

Sincerely,

Paul Janka
Introduction
Very few guys want to be a player forever.

Obviously, I don’t know any single guy who’s going to turn down casual sex
with a beautiful woman …

Still, put that same guy in front of his dream woman – and if there’s chemistry
– he’d quickly jump into an exclusive relationship with her.

I know, because I’m one of those guys.

Having approached thousands of women and slept with hundreds – I would
occasionally find myself in a situation where I got along and connected so well
with one particular woman that I’d stop going out and looking for new ones.

It was rare, but it happened. In fact, I’m currently in a relationship with a
fantastic woman. Yes – me!

Which again proves the point – that almost any guy will forgo the “game” if
the right woman comes along.
But How Do You Know When
You Find The "Right Woman"?
That is the subject of this report. 

You see, the bigger problem – well, actually there are two main problems:

1) A guy can’t get into a relationship (i.e. find a girlfriend) at all … or … 

2) If he can, he settles for a woman who is less than what he really wants.  

Both are extremely common issues. And the first one is actually better tackled by my book, The Attraction Formula – which you should already have read.  

And that’s because getting a girlfriend isn’t all that hard once you actually start meeting more women, creating attraction with them, bringing them home, and so on.  

In fact, with just a little bit of game and effort, chances are you’ll find women who are willing and ready to be your girlfriend.  

Actually this is what women want most – they’re constantly looking out for a guy who they can get serious with.  

So, if you’re the kind of guy who has had very few relationships – or struggles to find a girlfriend – then the most important thing for you to focus on is meeting more women and creating attraction with them.  

The better you get at that, the more options you’ll have with women who are attractive and have girlfriend potential.  

In essence, this report is written a bit more for the guy who has – can easily be in a relationship – but the problem is that it’s not with the kind of women he wants.  

Put differently, it’s for the guy who has continually settled for 6’s and 7’s … when he knows he could be with an 8, 9 or 10.  

And I’m not just talking about looks – yes, we all naturally want a physically hot woman, it’s in our DNA – yet I’m also talking about other qualities that make up a great girlfriend. Qualities that we’ll discuss extensively in this report.  
How to Use This Report
There are dozens of ways you use the information on the pages that follow, so let me give you a few tips.

 
- First, just read through it from beginning to end. Allow your mind to take in all the information without focusing on any one area …

- Second, once you’ve read the entire report, pick a single area that you think you can or should improve in. Focus on that for now …

- Third, once you feel you’ve improved in a specific area – feel free to move to another area and work on that …

Don’t rush. Just focus on slow, systematic improvement.

There are several reasons for this. First, most guys fail to use and therefore benefit from information like this. They just move through it quickly and superficially – and experience little change.

The other reason is that getting a true 8, 9 or 10 requires that you have your act together in a much deeper way – in other words, what works on a night stand won’t necessarily work with a beautiful, intelligent woman who has lots of different options for guys who are willing to commit to her.

At some point, every guy wants an amazing girlfriend.

It’s a fact of life, and the reasons for this are obvious:

- Beauty is important to men; we are biologically wired to want the best possible genetic candidates …

- It feels good not to settle; it’s far more fulfilling for a guy to be with a woman that you’re attracted to both physically, and in other ways …

- A more attractive woman will keep you interested; in other words, you’re far more likely to cheat or stray or get bored if you’re genuinely attracted to the woman …

- You get social validation; let’s face it, as guys we like the respect and validation that comes from others seeing us with a beautiful woman, it’s actually currency in a social sense …

- You raise your status with other women; another benefit of being in a relationship with an extremely attractive woman is that other women will see you with her and hold you in higher regard – perhaps even want to be with you themselves …

- Less risk for STD’s; obviously, if you’re just sleeping with one woman and you both are clean and monogamous, there is no worry of getting any STD’s …

- Care and nurturing; a good woman who is very into you will tend to want to express her affection in a variety of ways … she might bring over food, cook, support you in difficult times, help keep your place clean, the list goes on …

- Guaranteed companionship; while it can fun to be with new girls each week, there are no guarantees. Yet if you’re in a good relationship, you know that you’ll have someone to be with almost whenever you want – so loneliness is rarely an issue …

- You can build something meaningful over time; once you find the right woman and you’re into an exclusive relationship – it normal and awesome to take her on trips, spend weekends together, and do things you just couldn’t do with one night stands. In this sense, you tend to build something much more meaningful with her …

Say let’s say you’ve been dating 6’s or 7’s – and you want to be in a relationship with an 8 or a 9. Or maybe you want to make the leap to dating full-blown 10’s (inside and outside).

Well, part if what we’re going to cover will also help you to not completely powerless or in a situation where she has the complete upper hand. Because that sucks too. This material is designed so that you’re on equal or better terms.

You see, it’s one thing to have had girlfriends, or have been in serious relationships before. But if you’ve been dating women who are more on the average side – and you really wants be with a more attractive woman – well, there are some adjustments and challenges that come along with a higher-caliber woman.

But before we get into those, let’s touch upon why this is such a crucial thing …
Why “Upgrading” Is So Important
First off, it never feels good to “settle.” It will eat away at you, on a deeper level when you know you could be doing better.

However, I’m really big on doing it for the right reasons.

For instance, early I mentioned the social validation that comes from a hot girl. Now I’m at kind of a tipping point where I’m old enough that I can see things a little better than when I was younger. I think younger guys value the respect and attention that comes from other guys. Also as guys get older I think they understand the cost that sometimes comes along with a very hot girl, including potential tantrums, expensive upkeep and some of the other things we’ll discuss in this report.

I remember in New York I was dating this very hot Ukrainian girl. She was one of the hottest girls I had taken around. I had slept with hot girls but I was usually kind of wham bam thank you ma’am.

I couldn’t get in her pants but she did like me so we’d go out and make out and stuff. I brought her around a couple of times and every time I would go places, and this is the weirdest phenomena, I took her to a cigar lounge once and for food at this Ukrainian restaurant and I would come in with her and it would kind of send ripples through the place. She was definitely an attention grabber.

Then, we’d sit down and on a couple of occasions she would go to the bathroom and random dudes would come up and sit in her seat. They wanted to meet me. They were like, “Hey man, I just wanted to say hi.” Solely based on how hot that girl was.

It was the weirdest thing. At the cigar lounge two other guys came over when she went downstairs or to the bathroom. I didn’t put it together, it was very weird, because usually men don’t walk up to other guys, I was like, “What’s going on?”

Then of course I realized they see her and they just want to know how that happened, or how I’m with her, or how that was possible.

I don’t know why because generally if I saw a really hot girl with a guy I would not go talk to the guy, I think he’d probably get aggravated. In other words, guys are possessive so if you go down and say, “Oh that girl is so hot.” He’s liable to punch you in the face.

Anyway, I digress. The point of all this is that as a guy, you need to be careful about focusing on getting a really hot woman for the wrong reasons.

Often, we want validation or approval or to “impress” other guys, just as guys were impressed with me when I brought the super hot girl around. (In my case however, I wasn’t looking to impress anyone, it just happened and wasn’t really an issue.)

But if your motives are validation or trying to get respect or impress others – often times you won’t be as selective with the girl, especially in certain areas and this can cause you a lot of trouble.

Because exceptionally attractive women often come with a whole new set of problems and challenges that you might not necessarily be prepared for.

This might have you wondering … “Okay, what are the right reasons to be with a really beautiful woman?”

Glad you asked! ☺ Well, first of all, I would never recommend pursuing a relationship with a woman just because she’s “hot.” I know this may sound obvious, but trust me, it’s not to most guys.

Especially since many attractive woman are flaky, selfish, deceptive, needy (emotionally, financially, etc). Now, I realize this sounds very stereotypical, and of course, it’s not always the case, but often it is. And so you need to be cautious.

Because hooking up is one thing, entering into a relationship entails bringing this woman into your life – and in the latter, some damage can be done by her if you’re not ready or aware of all these things.

Now, in my opinion, the right reason to enter into a relationship with a really attractive woman involves things beyond the physical – such as:

- You guys get along really well
- You have fun together
- Great chemistry/connection
- You share similar interests/lifestyle
- Mutual respect and admiration
- Complimentary qualities or traits

These are just a few. Obviously, I’m not a relationship guru. I’m not the guy you go to when you want to learn how to communicate better with your girlfriend, that’s for Dr. Phil, or Oprah or some relationship author.

Yet, what I will say is that while all my relationships started with physical attraction and desire, they were sustained by these other aspects.

And I mention them because most guys will often ignore them and be in a relationship with a beautiful woman purely for some of the other reasons we’ve discussed previously.

Note again, that I’m all for getting the most beautiful woman you can find.
Because it’s definitely true that a more attractive girl will generally keep you more engaged.

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a relationship, a more attractive girl is going to keep you more engaged, more interested, more excited. This is a tad obvious, but when you settle, you also have to realize that chances are you’re going to get bored in the relationship and you’re going to get frustrated.

So be sure that – BEFORE moving in a relationship direction with any woman – that she’s a attractive enough to keep you interested over time. Granted, she doesn’t have to be a “10” or look like a playmate, BUT she should at least turn you on and get your blood flowing, otherwise you’ll get bored. Trust me, I’ve been there.

On top of boredom, when you settle for a girl that is less than whatever you’re really into, you might have to deal with breakup, yet there’s still an outlay of resources, and energy, and time, and all this stuff that may not be worth it.

Where, if you actually get what you want, go after what you want, you generally feel a little less conflicted and more engaged in the process and it actually motivates and inspires you a lot more. Again, these are somewhat obvious but it’s important to kind of begin with these things.

We are laying the foundation, again, so that you have the right motivation for pursuing a relationship.

Let me say a couple of things here at the beginning that might complicate our discussion a little bit.

I created this so it would be useful for 18 year olds – but also by someone who is 40. What I found, in my own experience, is that there are different phases of a relationship. In the beginning the cosmetic stuff is very important, how hot she is. It’s always important that you want to have sex with your girlfriend and I’ve often looked at that in relationships.

Basically, you get into something with a girlfriend and then there’s just a new girl, a new hottie in bed and you’re like, “Wow, look at that.” But then you often you tire of what you have.

So, I think the first phase, cosmetic is really heavy but I would say the intermediate phase of relationships and girlfriends there are other qualities that are more important, that I have found like character and patience. As well as some of the other things I listed.
Also, On the Negative Side …
There are so many things that I have found that can disqualify a hot girl from any kind of girlfriend consideration. This is where I don’t know if I’m mainstream in that regard. The number one quality in a woman that is important to a guy, and I’ve heard this said before and I think it’s so true, is how she treats you.

 
So a guy can somehow lasso a hot, hot chick and she’ll walk all over him and bleed him dry. Some guys, because of low self esteem, might stay in that kind of thing but ultimately she’s going to leave and the guy is resentful. That’s not a very good working partnership.

I do think after the initial, “Wow, she’s hot phase.” And you’ve banged her a few times, I think however long that lasts, and with young guys I think it lasts a little longer but once you acclimate to that there’s a whole middle range that has to do with elements of basically character, maturity, honesty.

Not to mention things such as liability, responsibility that in my experience are the real keystones of something working. Just like people who come from fucked up parents, they’re fucked up. If they come from responsible mature parents they’re generally like that.

So when you get serious with a girl it’s like a family relationship – because obviously she has the potential to become a wife and the mother of your kids. So a whole set of new things come on board that have very little to do with what she looks like. This is not as relevant to the guy in his early 20’s, but as you get a little older, these become very meaningful considerations.

Again, the focus of this book isn’t necessarily to tell you everything you should be looking for or demanding in a woman – because that’s really unique to each guy. Only you can truly know that.
But the point is that if you’re compromising your standards in these other areas – just because she’s hot – you will generally suffer because of it.

Just know that, get clear on what you want from a woman other than looks, and then don’t compromise (in terms of entering a relationship) if a woman lacks those qualities … no matter how hot she is.
The Dynamic Equilibrium of Relationships
Another thing which is VERY counter to a lot of these pick up artist systems and approaches out there – is that you must grow and rise up to the level you’re seeking in a woman.

 
In other words, I think you can sleep with a girl in the beginning by being super charismatic, or fun, or exciting. But I believe, just like the stock market, that everything finally finds its value.

Put differently, a super high value guy will eventually attract a woman of high value and a low value guy, a guy has a low status, no amount of gimmicks or tricks can fool a high status woman for very long.

Unless, you are very malicious and you fool her and impregnate her, which happens, her life is then inextricably bound up with yours. Then you have basically a fucked up situation.

If you don’t do that generally a high value woman will drift away no matter how many tricks or gimmicks you have. Just like stock with an IPO can rip up but over time stocks find a price at a value they are worth over the years.

Look, let’s say a girl who comes from money, went to an Ivy League school, and this is very stereotypical and I apologize, but we’re dealing in hypothetical here, so it’s not a big deal. So let’s say she’s a surgeon, her dad is a Congressman, she spent years in France, generally speaking she’s going to try and find someone of same stature in terms of experience, worldliness, education, earning potential, background.

I think it’s a myth that unequal people can be bound together for very long. I just don’t believe it. Maybe in Hollywood, but not in real life.

So if a girl has all those things and then she’s attractive, in general she’s going to be extremely selective of a guy particularly in a relationships context. She might hook up in a moment of passion.

Or in a drunken state or on vacation, but that’s an exception – and it’s not a relationship, which is what we’re talking about.

When it comes to a relationship, her standards are going to be significantly elevated. We’ll talk about this a bit more later in this report, but it’s crucial to understand that higher caliber woman longer term there is definitely an evolution that has to take place.

And you DO actually see this in the teachings of some pick up artists, where they admit that the ultimate angle is a lifestyle improvement such that you are actually a better dating candidate.

Another thing to consider …
What Makes Up a
Genuine 8, 9 or 10?
Once you go beyond mere looks – which we’ve already discussed the importance of – it’s natural to consider what truly makes a woman a genuine 8, 9 or 10.

 
Again, we’ve covered some of the qualities and things that need to be present, and I’ve also shown you why it’s important for you to introspect and figure out what’s important to you.

However, another thing to consider is that things are not always what they seem to be on the surface … so be cautious.

To use another financial analogy, I think things are generally priced in. Like there’s an efficient market in dating and let me explain this because I think it’s an interesting point. If you have ever been to a new city and you go to a restaurant, or you go to a big city, sometimes the flashiest places have lousy food.

You think, “Why would they do that?” The experience is so beautiful and this and that. In other words, they can attract a certain clientele even without the food being that great because they have such a commanding view and they’re in a fancy place, and the waitresses are beautiful so they don’t need to hire a really good chef because people will still come.

Whereas sometimes you’ll find, and in New York this is very common, a really good restaurant, that is totally out of the way in non-descript housing but they don’t need to pay fancy stuff for the façade or the address because people will actually come because the food is so good.

So why do I say that? With a hot girl, you can get a super, super hot girl but if you feel like, “Oh my God she’s out of my league but I can get her.”

If that’s the case, be wary of other facets of her life, or character, or education, or money, or habits, or addictions, because she knows and the market is priced in, there is a reason why her standards are low for example. I think that’s also something to be weary of.

You might cynically want to target those types of girls but the point is why are all these gorgeous girls in porn? Well, because you’re only seeing one facet of their presentation.

For these reasons, it’s often better to be with a woman who is maybe an 8 in terms of looks, but has more balance in her life and other things going for her – versus the woman who is a 10 in looks, but is a complete mess.

Just like the restaurant example, the women who are 10’s get so much attention and just naturally have a long line of guys who will date them and buy them things, they never need to develop other qualities. Whereas the woman who is an 8 usually tends to have more character, personality, and so on.

Again, these are stereotypes and certainly there are times when you find a 10 on the outside – plus lots of amazing qualities – but it’s super rare.
Also, Remember – Sex Isn’t
Always Better With the 10!
Also, in my experience, one of the reasons why guys want really hot woman is there are peripheral benefits like social status and everything but also because of sexual interest and desire.

They’re assuming that sex will be better, they’ll be more into the sex. A lot of what guys do comes down to the sexual component. But one of the things that is very interesting is you can have a 10 that is frigid.

In fact, I’ve been with a lot of models, and they are notoriously bad in bed.

Often they are not free with their body, and frigid, and kind of cold. But she may be like a model type and have a beautiful face, and a nice body or whatever. On the other hand, you can have an eight, just imagine some really curvy sexy eight Puerto Rican girl or something like that, that is just so freaky, and hot, and warm, and she can dance in sexy ways, or she gives you amazing blow jobs.

For me, this is coming from looking at 250 plus data points of sleeping with various women to my life at this point, and I know there’s sometimes an inverse correlation between looks and the quality of sex.

Just as you can have a really beautiful woman with no personality – you can also run into gorgeous women who are just lousy in bed. That’s maybe partly because they’re self conscious because they have this perfect image of themselves.

It’s known in the model business, I have friends who are in that business both guys and girls, and models are the most insecure about their looks because so much is predicated on what others think about their looks.

That is so heavily weighted there in terms of self esteem. The same thing, for example, with a model she might not risk looking goofy, or even farting in bed, (not that I’m advocating that, lol) but there’s so much self consciousness that she might make a lousy sexual partner even though she’s gorgeous.

The other thing is she might just feel to the guy that he’s just so damn lucky to even see her disrobe that all she has to do is lay there and he should bow to her feet.

Whereas, a more average girl, she might just be more fun and really go at it and just be fucking hot to bang. I definitely have had incredible sex with girls that were like cute but you’d take one look at her on the street and be like, “She’s cute.” And sex is just off the charts. That’s just another thing to definitely consider.

As guys, we obviously think first with our dicks. There’s no getting around that, it’s biological. And because we enter into relationships at least in part because of the sexual component, you’ve got to not just prioritize beauty but also that sensuality and sexuality.

There are ways to kind of screen for that, particularly if you’ve got a little more time and a degree of courtship when you’re talking about moving into a relationship versus a one night stand. When you’ve got a little more time to actually screen for sexuality, sensuality, and kind of get a gage for where a girl is on this level.

Just ask yourself:

- Is she sensual? (This will show in her voice, her dress and many areas)
- Can she move her body in sexy ways?
- Does she tend to touch or eat erotically?
- Is she warm or affectionate?
- How does she kiss? Hot? Passionate?
- Is she free and wild when you get physical? Or reserved?

Again, these are things you can screen for in advance – so that you don’t end up with a beautiful woman who is lousy in bed.
A Few More Benefits …
Another benefit to having a hot girlfriend versus bouncing around to one night stands, to having an assumingly high quality girlfriend, which we mentioned earlier is that – if you’re really in to her – there’s going to be less outside temptation.

Well, actually I’m not a good example for this. Because I have such high sex drive that I guess I’m always at least a little tempted.

But overall I think it is true. If you’re truly happy with your girlfriend, and you’re probably still tempted but at least you’re less likely to give serious consideration to actually do something with another woman or cheating in some way.

I guess it depends on how you define temptation, because it’s still always easy to see a hot woman and be like, “Oh wow.” Or, physically your body might be drawn but at the same time, to the degree to which you’re actually genuinely content with your girlfriend, you won’t seriously, or meaningfully stray.

I’ve certainly, no matter what type of girl I’ve been with, I’ve always thought the next girl is also intriguing just because you can’t get around a baseline issue which is familiarity.

In other words, I don’t care how great of a steak you’re eating, or hamburger, it can be amazing but I can only eat a few In and Out burgers and I’m done. I think if we’re just talking about raw lust I don’t know if I agree with that.

In other words, you also see all these movie stars, they have the most perfect physical specimens but they’re cheating all the time, Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley. I think how a girl looks has very little bearing on how sexually satisfied the guy is a year in or two years in. But again, you can override that.

However, this gets back to the point I made at the beginning in terms of the relationship being about things other than just looks.

The fact of the matter is I’m in a relationship where I’m satisfied. We have great sex and all this stuff but there’s a lot of other components that go into that.

And if it wasn’t good all around, I’m not just talking about looks but connection, chemistry, personality, etc. then temptation tends to set in a lot more. Internally a lot of times there starts a process in motion where you’d be like, “I’m going to start looking around,” or, “I’m going to consider going in another direction.” That internal wheel is in motion and that happens a lot whereas, if you find someone who actually satisfies you on multiple levels, you’re less likely to make that decision and move in a different direction to potentially cheat or look for something else.

And that’s a bummer, because when there’s cheating or an ugly breakup – everybody loses. So it’s better to be more selective upfront and choose wisely – you’ll save both parties a lot of wasted time and heartache.

Another benefit we covered at the beginning, which I think is a little bit cynical but I think it’s also very important.

When you have a hot girlfriend and it’s known, you’re public about it, Facebook, or in your social circle and she’s hot, you kind of set a bar so that when you do break up, other hot girls are going to take notice of you because woman generally judge a guy’s eligibility based on how hot the girl is that he’s with.

This is partly how you elevate your standards and you’re ability to get hotter women in relationships. In other words, if you’ve tended to date 8’s or 9’s in the past, it’s a lot easier to find another one.

Which isn’t to say that you must have had them in the past – many woman won’t know your past anyway, but it makes it easier because it establishes a precedent that other women often notice.

And then when you become single, you’re quite eligible in the singles pool having had a hot girlfriend. You generally see that’s the case, the other hot girls will then line up and even if they don’t quite know why, they want to sniff around a little because they’re like, “She went for it and I deem her to be hot, hotter than I am or sexier.” So they come and sniff around. That’s generally the case I have seen.

And I think that now more than ever this effect is multiplied with Facebook and everything. So if you’ve got this really hot girlfriend and you’re in a relationship and there’s pictures and stuff all over, a lot of other girls on Facebook and other social media will notice that.

Then, as I mentioned, when there’s a breakup, those girls will categorize you in a way that’s relative to that girl. It’s true it does elevate your eligibility or your status.
Figuring Out The Best Type of Woman for YOU
As I’ve repeatedly stressed, it’s important that you define what an 8, 9 or 10 truly means to you – because it’s not just physical. So let’s cover a few more of the considerations …

This is not an easy thing for me to comprehensively cover, because from the outside in a way it’s one of the most subjective things, how are you going to define it.

In my previous writing, in my book and other stuff that I’ve done I kind of give this wide breath, I kind of steer clear of it because guys have all different kinds of preferences, and there’s racial preferences and other things.

I think we can be productive in the sense we can talk about a lot of different variables and considerations and then I think it’s actually important and useful for a guy who is reading this to set down on paper even what his ideal is.

Like, “My sexual ideal, if I can snap my fingers what is it?” It embodies more than what she looks like, how she behaves, and this and that.

Get that down and then really don’t settle until you have something that is pretty close to your match. I think it’s good to explore all your variables and then define if for yourself because I think if I just try to define the universal thing it’s just not going to work.

There’s another point that is really important that I’m lightly touching on, and I want to make sure we make this point because it affects everything going forward.

Earlier, I mentioned guys have their preferences and what could be an eight, nine, or 10 for one guy could be a six for another guy – and the important thing to realize is that the subjective feeling or attraction you FEEL is primarily the thing that matters. Yes, some women are “objectively” beautiful -- but how she makes you feel or how you perceive her looks or personality is what really matters most.

If a girl is genuinely like an eight, or nine, or 10 to you, she gets you off, you’re in to her, you think she’s gorgeous, you like her and other people think she’s ugly and stupid, and that’s exaggerated, but that’s really what matters.

And that’s what this report is really aimed at, helping you upgrade what is meaningful and get something that is significantly more meaningful and better to YOU. Not anyone else. As guys, we are generally able to calibrate what that means to them generally personally and that’s really the most important thing here.

Now, I’ve gone through this process having had quite a few serious girlfriends and if I sort of trod her out and start comparing her against the infinite variety out there, of course any girl is going to fall short on certain dimensions. That just kind of puts me in a restless state.

But, it’s not really about that. The litmus test is when you’re alone with her and you’re not holding her up against others that are different do you have a good time? Does she fulfill you? That’s kind of the way I try and live.
Just like I was saying, it’s subjective but in the end subjectivity is all that matters really because you as a guy, that’s your experience of her so why do you care what others care.

There are some caveats there about the benefits we discussed about that have to deal with social stuff, aside from those generally, the subjective experience of someone is what matters because you’re the one feeling the feelings and having the experience one-on-one with her.

So if you have a girl that you’re really into or your attracted to, if you can look at her and think, “Wow, she’s beautiful,” or when you’re alone with her or you’re getting excited, or really turned on, or whatever that’s what matters and you’ll know that or not.

Like we said, there are those social things where you think she’s a nine and most people generally would rate her a six, socially you might not get the same level of validation, or from other girls you might not get that upgrade overall eligibility in future instances, but if you’re happy you’re happy.
We could be beat this to death so let’s move on. The subjective is primarily what matters here.

A lot of it has to do with as I get older, because I’m 36, and also maturity and I think basically a life plan, there are different phases of life.

Something I struggle with, and I have a satisfied and active sex life with my current girlfriend, however, I have struggled a lot coming from a super oversexed single life, I’ve struggled a lot with what is the appropriate – if you think of a relationship as a pie – how much of that is about sex and lust and how important is that?

It’s an individual decision, but if you look at older couples like your parents, or people in their 40s, or 50s, or 60s with kids, and they have responsibilities, it’s not really like, “Oh my wife is so fucking hot I can’t wait to bang her.”

Yes, you want an attractive wife but there’s so many other things to consider. If you look at the pie again, is she a good mother? Is she good with money? As I get older the wedge about lust and sex shrinks.

With my married friends and stuff, this is clearly the case especially, based on the kind of woman they’ve decided to marry, that piece of the pie it looms huge for a guy who is 23, 24 but I think overtime reallocating or repurposing that pie chart, that’s a huge, huge thing and it’s a really challenging struggle for a guy.

You have choices, what type of girl, how old is she, what are her plans in life, this and that, and that is something that I have given a lot of thought to. It’s very related to what we are talking about in terms of how we want to package it and how much we want to say, that’s up to you as a marketer.

But, I think there’s a lot in there that a guy who is 40 reading this might identify with and a guy who is 20 won’t.

Also, oddly enough, what I said about me coming from an over sexed single life is one thing – but I’ve found too that the opposite can also be true. Let me explain.

One of my friends, and this applies to many of the guys I’ve worked with have come from a very under-sexed kind of background before entering a relationship. The guy I’m thinking about in particular had only been with 5 women in his whole life before his current girlfriend. He went to an all boys school, and then Stanford University, which is notoriously bad for attractiveness of the women – and on top of that, it wasn’t that easy to get laid.

(Have you heard the joke about Stanford? Nine out of 10 chicks in California is hot and the 10th goes to Stanford.)

So he was coming from that experience, and he felt like, “Well, if I’m getting into a relationship I need to have a strong sexual component to this relationship – because I’ve already spent enough time not having a lot of it. There’s no way I’m just going to lock myself in and be sexually bored or celibate a lot of time.”

So he was very clear that he wanted to be super physically attracted to the woman, and have a strong sexual component to the relationship. It had been something that wasn’t a big part of his life previously, and was (and is) very important to him now.

So his current relationship – fiancé actually – is this drop-dead gorgeous Caribbean woman. Extremely sensual, sexy and very passionate. I applaud for knowing what he wanted/needed and going for that. He didn’t settle and now he’s happy because of it.

And I bring that up because I actually think more guys are going to be coming from this position than they are coming from the position I was in, where I had already slept with hundreds of women.

I mean, once a guy has even a modicum of player skills like he can get laid decently single, getting married or becoming monogamous is an enormous concession. So keep that in mind that you need to be very satisfied relative to what you are giving up, otherwise it’s not worth it.

In fact, I read something before which totally resonates with me – and it says that the biggest sexual turn on for guys is variety.

So basically, by signing up for marriage it’s almost by definition you’re making that piece of the pie, lust and sex, a smaller part than a guy who decides to remain a bachelor and kind of poke his hands into all kinds of things.

A woman actually wrote and said, “Forget passion and romance in marriage. Marriage is much more like running a small non-profit so make sure your spouse is a decent business partner.”

Like scheduling when you pick the kids up, the mortgage is due, and I find that to be the case with my current girlfriend too. Like when are we going to eat, are we going to eat together? I mean of course you will still have “sex,” it’s just this whole different reality.

Likewise, I’ve found some truth in the cliché about finding and being with your best friend. Personally, I feel that most clichés (like when women say that they want a “nice guy,” are bullshit) …

But in the case of being great friends, I think it’s true and essential.

In fact, a lot of times you’ll read these dating profiles and they say that they’re looking for their best friend, that’s actually a pretty meaningful cliché because when you get into a relationship, no matter how hot she is if you can’t hang with her and just enjoy going to the movies, eating, watching TV, and so on.

Whatever the activity is if you just don’t really, really like being in each other’s presence and doing things together and really love that and can kind of do anything together and just have that aspect of the relationship, it’s generally going to be painful. There’s going to be degrees of discomfort, awkwardness, and just things that will wear on you.

Especially if there are any times when the sex goes dry, or it’s not there, then you don’t have that component of it -- otherwise it will just be too painful and it won’t last.

Someone I respect actually once said, “Take sex out of the picture and then decide, ‘Would I choose to hang around this person?’”

Then, you can put the sex back in and that’s fine. But thinking this way will further help you to make a wise decision, in my experience. And I’ve had about six serious girlfriends and I’ve banged a ton of random chicks, so I feel I’m fairly qualified.

Think about it like this: Even a super bunny rabbit couple might copulate so much in the first year, but eventually at year end how many hours a day are you screwing? Not that many.

You’re usually doing other stuff, a lot of non-sexual activities, so if you don’t have a great rapport and have a sense of humor with her and all this stuff it’s going to be pretty dry.

Either that, or you have to have a seven hour a day sex life going on which is a lot of work. ☺

Again, I’m not trying to write a complete relationship book here, and I want to keep pretty focused on really helping guys upgrade. But, as I said, a good starting exercise is to write down all the qualities that are important to you. And not trying to use someone else’s criteria – but really focusing on how YOU define those and what those mean to you.

I’ve listed a bunch already – but here are more qualities for you to consider:

- Personality
- Intelligence
- Sense of humor
- Sexiness/sensuality
- Fun
- Warmth/Affection
- Caring
- Loyal
- Trustworthy
- Integrity/keeps her word
- Degree of maintenance (low vs. high)
- Compatibility/commonality
- Conversational skills
- Flirting (in other words, do you guys flirt easily and often?)
- Sexual satisfaction/compatibility
- Communication
- Money management
- Emotional stability/poise
- Passion
- Goals
- Career/profession
- Respect
- Style/image
- Background
- Family

And I’m sure there are many more. Also, while these are generic – the most important thing is that you pick out which ones are most important for you and you define them – subjectively – in a way that has personal meaning for you.

Because this is what will allow you to actually develop strong criteria that will cause you to make smart decisions about entering into a relationship.

What’s interesting is that – for me personally – people often assume that because I have an Ivy League education, that I demand that the woman I’m in a relationship is super smart.

But that’s not the case. Which isn’t to say that my current girlfriend isn’t smart – she’s actually quite bright, especially in certain areas, but the point is that I don’t actually prioritize that very high in my relationships.

In my case, I’ve actually always gone for girls that have very maternal instincts because I’m already a little bit too intellectual and have that connection with so many friends and other people in my life – I feel like I don’t need any more of it. This is partly why I was never attracted in college to those super gung-ho career woman.

In a sense, I felt like they were masculine, and they were bristled, I just never could generate any kind of sympathy for them, they were like competitors in a way.

Generally speaking, with a few exceptions in college, I’ve never really gone serious with those types of girls. In my current relationship which is headed potentially towards something more serious and marriage, my girlfriend we’re totally worlds apart in terms of what we’ve focused on relative to education or the fields we’ve studied. And that’s okay – it’s great in fact. She brings things to the relationship that I love, and likewise, I bring things to her that make for a nice compliment.

But everyone is different. Another guy who maybe doesn’t have a strong education or who wants more stimulation in that area, he might really be gravitated towards like a doctor, or a woman who is a lawyer, or whatever. That might be so much the Holy Grail to him – so I understand that there’s a little bit of risk in generalizing.

For instance, I know tons of female lawyers and that doesn’t impress me.
I mean it’s impressive but I’m not looking for a female with an advanced degree, or even a college degree. To some other guys, if they don’t have one they might want that to feel like, “Wow, I married up.” So that generates a certain amount of respect and that’s one angle in the relationship. I think it totally depends on where you’re coming from.

Or maybe formal education isn’t important – but at the same time, you want a woman who is really intellectually curious and interested, because this maintains a good degree of mental stimulation. The friend that I mentioned earlier from Stanford is like this.

His fiancé didn’t go to an Ivy League, she’s actually international, but she’s also an avid reader and very intellectually curious. And he loves that about her because it gives them all sorts of things to talk about and share.

When I was chatting with him about this report, he told me that he really loves how she reads a lot and can speak about books or topics in an intelligent and articulate way.

Or, that he and she can watch a movie together and discuss it.

His perspective is that there are all these little things and activities in a relationship where, if you can at least have a degree of intellectual stimulation with each other that is engaging and meaningful, it doesn’t then it keeps things more interesting. Both people don’t have to be super ambitious or intellectuals. I just depends on what’s important to you.

In my own case, again, it’s not quite as important to me because I get that stimulation from so many others in my life. For instance, my mother is extremely bright, she has a PhD from UCLA and she speaks like six languages, she’s been a teacher her whole life. She’s probably the most stimulating female that I have a personal relationship with.

She sends me articles, and our politics are slightly different, we’ll get into fairly sophisticated conversations and so on.

In my dating life, however, I’ve never really looked to the women in my life for that. I mean I have a particular group of guy friends that I went to school with and we’ll get into some pretty involved discussions about intellectual topics but generally speaking I get that stimulation from reading The New York Times, and the Economist, and other published work.

For me, it was always more important that the woman I’m with compliment me in ways or areas where I wasn’t as strong.

For instance, once of those areas (probably my Achilles heel) is emotional intelligence.

Now, I’m good with people, I’m not like emotionally retarded in that sense but I can be hyper analytic. Often, I’ll be stuck in my head and completely oblivious to emotions I’m feeling – or to what someone else is feeling. Also, I can be really moody (it’s not just girls who are moody!) But the woman I’m with has so much emotional intelligence like patience, and warmth, and she can sense a feeling when she walks in.

When you think about it in terms of providing parenting – we don’t need two super analytic people raising kids. It does help however, that she provides that really sound moral compass, she has a really good sense of right and wrong. I’m much more willing to visit grey areas of morality, to put it euphemistically. She also has a really strong pragmatic backstop. Not only that, she’s also very action oriented.

I can putter around a lot and she’s just snap into action and say, “Let’s do the dishes. Let’s get it done.” I’ve never traveled so much and done so much in my life since I met her. She’s like this electric motive force in my life. We just go and get it done, there’s no time for whining just, “Get your shit together and let’s go.”
 
Getting laid and hot girls, that was primary focus before. But settling into a relationship is different now, and I’m more willing to concede something on the sexual side because of all the other areas of my life that are enriched because of the relationship.

Put differently, I’m in this relationship for reasons other than sex, and we compliment each other really well. As a point of contrast, my last girlfriend was super hot but really moody – and so if our moods synch up it was totally awful.

I also love that she she’s just so playful, and so warm, and so silly which is a huge part of me because I can be very cerebral so I need that other side to balance it out. I would never trade all that for some girl that could talk about Proust, walk me through Hobbes and [Cont 46:36], and we could talk about all kinds of stuff.

I know I’m speaking personally here, but I bring up all these aspects that are important to me because I think that they also might generally be important to other guys. Just personality traits like playfulness, or feeling emotionally comfortable and light around that person, not awkward.

That’s a big consideration as well, because there are certain types of woman who are just flat out emotional roller coasters – and, on the other hand, there are certain girls that are significantly more even or stable.

Particularly as you go up the “hotness ladder” of women, that emotional stability actually becomes significantly more rare so that’s something to look for.

It can test you and actually force you to grow but at the same time, and maybe this is a good transition into the next topic … but if you’re going to be around a girl all the time and she’s that roller coaster it’s almost inevitable that you’re going to be affected.
The Red Herring of the “Hot Woman”
As I’ve mentioned throughout this report, being with a super hot girl often comes with a lot of strings, and it’s not always it’s cracked up to me.

In fact, if you’re not careful, the wrong beautiful woman can do a significant amount of damage to you as a guy.

It’s kind of like the red herring, because there’s a really big difference between having a one night stand with a hottie and actually bringing her more on a deeper level into your life.

When you do that, the later, she can wreck havoc financially, emotionally, and in a lot of ways.

For instance, there’s this quote from Marilyn Monroe that says, “If you can’t handle me at my worse you don’t deserve me at my best.”

That’s the mentality a lot of these exceptionally attractive woman (especially the outrageously hot 10’s) because there is such a long line of guys who are ready to take them on that they don’t feel the need to hold themselves to any kind of behavioral standards.

For instance, if you look at it like the dating marketplace, one way to address that segment of the market is to label those “bang only” girls. But, as I explain and outline in the Attraction Formula, you have to have sufficient skills to bang them.

Generally, girls will let you sleep with them one or two times, but once they’re embedded in a relationship but it’s not always so easy to keep them in a “friends with benefits” relationship but bang them on the peripheral.

To be honest, and I know this is really hard for a guy who hasn’t been with a lot of women and maybe kind of freaks out when he’s in the presence of a 10 … but many of the super hot women out there are fun to bang, sexy, kinky as shit in bed, give you great orgasms and it’s like, “Wow.” They’re so hot that you take that pause while you’re banging them, you kind of pinch yourself, it’s an awesome feeling.

But that doesn’t mean they are relationship material. This is crucial – because if you can get them to sleep with you, you still have to have the discipline to be like, “Alright, that was fun.” But keep it to that, bedroom only.

Again, not all the really hot women are like this. BUT many of them DO come with a lot of craziness and bad habits.

And the same way she treats her own life is how she’s going to start treating your life. If her life is in shambles and you have a somewhat dysfunctional life, and I found myself in this position in New York, I had to be very careful about to what degree did I associate with these girls beyond sleeping with them.

Think about a girl who was the total princess growing up, maybe her parents didn’t hold her to high behavioral standards and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted.

Then later, she great up and became so hot that guys never stood up to her. So it’s not uncommon you encounter these types girls where, much of their life, they’ve never been forced to tow any kind of line. And they just feel like there’s really no limit on what they can do – whether it’s spending money, or freaking out, or creating drama, or whatever.

That’s actually a huge segment of generally, young hot women.

Now, I’m not a club guy. I have of course have been to clubs to meet women, but it’s really not my scene, nor is spending the money. I was pretty broke in New York. I would take public transportation which was open 24 hours, even on a cold night I generally walked instead of paying the $20 to take a cab.

Circumstances have changed now but that’s how I lived my life, I was very, very frugal.

I was a guy say in my twenties and I was fucking hot for these little tatted up, piercing, just fucking hot little club chicks. The big challenge was that I had absolutely no overlap with their lifestyle, and I don’t drink either, so they want to drink and get fucking wasted and then lose their wallet, and their iPhone, and so on, and pay $40 for the cab, and then go out and spend all that money. 

Meanwhile, I was trying to build up some financial reserves.

But my lifestyle was so different than theirs – but of course I wanted to fuck them. So the way I operated was it was sleep with them and that’s it.

I was not even interested because their lifestyle was so incompatible with mine. But a guy who was maybe not as extreme as me could find himself saying, “She’s so hot.” And then try and integrate her into his life. Then suddenly there’s all these cab rides and meals and little things that he wasn’t really feeling he would have to spend money on … and now he’s spending.

Or he’s late to work because she’s like, “Come out to the club we’ve got a table” and he’s up super late at night.

Generally, these girls are some of the hotter ones. I guess the upshot of this is there is a big difference between a girl who is hot and you want to fuck, and then the girl who’s more compatible with your lifestyle and values.

In a way it’s very obvious but I think it’s easy to get blinded by a girl’s looks and not realize that her lifestyle is absolutely not what you want, if you’re like a responsible hardworking guy, for example.

So if you’re serious about moving forward, you meet a hot girl and you want to potentially move in a more relationship direction, it’s good to really start to screen and do your best assessment of what state her life is in.

How does she handle money? How’s her apartment? Does she have an apartment? Where is her money coming from?

If everything is a mess and she just seems like chaotic and all over the place, it’s generally saying she’s going to bring that. By coming into a relationship she’s going to bring that into your life and can potentially add a really negative dimension to you that won’t work.

What I have seen, and I’m sure there are examples to the contrary, but usually she’s going to bring you down rather than you’re going to get her to all of a sudden reform.

Remember that sometimes guys, which I’ve even experienced myself, but often guys have this rescue knight in shining armor, they want to rescue the girl.

So we’re subconsciously drawn to the girl that’s troubled, almost like the “hooker with the heart of gold” theme that you often see in movies – where the falls for a woman who’s wayward, and wants to save her.

You’ve really got to be careful because that sense of rescuing a girl is generally misguided, it’s not even about the love.

As a guy, you may come into that situation and think, “It’s all about the love,” or, “I care for that girl or helping her. It’s going to be a magical thing.”

But really a lot of times those feelings or sentiments are a lot of times bred into you through culture, or through mythology, and all these other sources like TV, fairy tales or movies. You have got to be careful about that influence because you might try to rescue a girl that generally is going to bring you down, rather than you bring her up.
Never Compromise Yourself,
Your Lifestyle or Goals
Overall, it’s really essential that you don’t compromise yourself in any way for a relationship.

Another lesson in this area is the category of hot girls with low self esteem, because I’ve had my fair share of those. I think it’s worth noting because many guys (whether it’s conscious or not) think they’ve hit the jackpot when they meet a really hot girl who’s standards are lower.

It’s almost like guy self assesses that, just for schematics, let’s say he’s a six, and he lands through some gimmick a nine. She’s really hot but let’s also pretend she’s clearly fucked up or damaged in some way.

I’ve done that and I’ve definitely slept with a handful of them. Everyone’s self esteem has areas where they can work on it, but I’ve also had relationships with woman with a level of self esteem that causes serious dysfunction.

So you get the girl, and I have, then you think, “Oh, she’s so hot,” this and that, “She needs me,” so there’s this sense of security in it.

But what I’ve found happens is that low self esteem is corrosive and what happens is it turns inwards – into the relationship – in the sense of high entitlement and not a lot of delivery, or poor function on her part. What happens is basically depression (and boredom) sets in generally in the girl.

The crux of this is if you manage to trick a super hot girl into a relationship where you feel that she’s really out of your league and she has low self esteem, that self esteem is going to be a problem within the relationship.

I’ve had that to the point where I have to get out of the relationship because the woman doesn’t have actually enough internal confidence and trust in herself to make the thing work.

Ultimately, you’re living with a girl, you’re sleeping with her, and this issue manifests itself in all kinds of problems like not reliable, all kinds of shit.

Exactly to your point we made earlier about being the rescuer. It sounds hot in the beginning, the hero thing, to swoop in and be the knight in shining armor but it actually causes functional friction once you get pass the honeymoon stage because she’s not capable of handling herself.

In the example I gave really hot girl with low self esteem, there are so many things that can get fucked up in that kind of situation.

In the beginning, generally speaking, there’s that excitement of the relationship and it fills that void of low self esteem and she feels really approved, and excited, and she’s getting all this attention, and there’s romance and everything but that inevitably wears off.

Then, like when the low self esteem kicks back in again, that depression, that downward cycle, she’s going to try to fill that or change that. It could be like going shopping with your money, or being really demanding about physical things, or it could be that she’s now bored with your attention.

Or getting attention from other guys, which can especially fuck you up if you’re the jealous type.

And when she starts trying to get attention with other guys, and she ends up cheating, or you get in a fight. There’s all these other problems that can come from that. That’s something that the sex guru, David Shade says, and I agree with him, in that if you want a really good relationship (including long-term sexual) – then you must begin by screening for self-esteem.

To be clear, he’s not referring to one-night-stands – where you can have hot or great sex with a LSE (low self-esteem) woman. He’s talking more about having sex repeatedly with a girl, which is really relationship territory.

If a girl doesn’t have self esteem, or varying self esteem, it’s generally going to mess up not just the sex – but the entire relationship – so you really have to do a good job of screening for that in the beginning or you’ll pay the price for sure, there’s no two ways about it.

Most guys, whenever they think about rescuing a girl, that’s usually like a very immature superficial impulse.

Most guys don’t even have the tools to really rescue a girl anyways on the levels that they’re hoping. If they’re honest about it, too, nor would they really want to do that, once they understand everything that’s involved with that.

Because what happens, I mean just no-strings sex is one thing, but when you bring a girl into a serious relationship it goes from two independent unit to in many ways one unit with interdependence and the deficiencies that are part of her life are now going to become deficiencies on your own balance sheet, the unit now has a deficiency and now it’s the guy’s problem. That’s not going to go away.

So there’s definitely a lot to be said about screening for self esteem. It’s absolutely one of the biggest characteristics to look for.

There are unfortunately, or fortunately, whatever, there are a lot of hot girls with great character and self-esteem, and there are plenty of hot ones that have terrible self esteem. And it’s very tempting because they’re kind of easy to pray on, they’re low hanging fruit and they’re hot. It’s actually a big problem, because they’re so hot it’s a lot harder to walk away from them before things potentially get serious.

A couple of things you can use to evaluate self-esteem:

- Does she come from a strong/stable family?
- Does she have good friendships? Good relationships with ex-BF’s?
- Does she speak well or did she have a good relationship with her father?
- Is she always looking for attention or validation?
- Is she always bored and looking for some sort of external stimulation?
- Does she try hard to be noticed or popular?
- How emotionally stable is she? Does she have big mood swings?
- Does she seek or demand a lot of approval – or is she self-assured?

There are many other ways to know about a woman’s self-esteem, but these questions can give you a decent reading on it. You can also use your intuition, which I’ve done quite often.
“A Man Will Be Devastated When a
Relationship Ends to the EXACT Degree
to Which He Compromised His Terms”
I was given this quote many years ago by a guy I know – who had done a lot of internal work and very mature as man. It’s really profound.

Basically what that means is a guy has his standards for himself … for instance, one of my basic standards is that I refuse to be homeless, so I’ll do whatever to avoid that.

On my own personal journey, I hit a low point in my life in my early 20’s where I struggled to even pay for housing. And ever since then, however painful at times, my standards for myself risen from there A lot has to do with one very, very easy metric -- money – because money is a discreet unit of value in so many things.

For example, in my 20s, I would often wait till the last week to really get serious about where my rent money was going to come from. Or, even in a worst case example, say my rent was $800 I would occasionally consider that $800 as potential money to spend if something really great came up.

But at a certain point in my life my standard for having my housing secured became so strong that even going back, had three to five months rent written down in my check book back to zero. It was in my checking account but my check book said zero. It was buried there.

In New York City housing is a big issue and I had some issues with it so it became a very clear standard of mine that there will always be a comfortable roof over my head, no roommates challenging me, and causing noise and headaches, basically a sanctuary.

It was a personal standard and over time my standards have gone up for myself and it’s informed all my decision making.

I guess the simplest way to address that quote I just gave, is that wherever a guy is in his life he has certain standards for himself.

And I think what happens is when he’s by himself, if he can, if he’s not suffering from a mental issue or an addiction, or something, generally he can maintain those standards fairly consistently for himself, whatever his lowest bar is. What happens is if you get involved with a girl and for the sake of the relationship or the girl, you dip below your standards on whatever it is – be it money, time, how you treat your family, all kinds of stuff, generally you’ll come to regret it.

First, the woman will lose respect for you. Women like men with high standards in the long run. Either that or they price themselves out of a relationship with you, as they realize, “This guy is out of my league.”

It gets back to our earlier point, you can chase a girl who feels she’s not worthy but it’s not really that great. Basically, sticking to your standards attracts woman at that level and disqualifies those below.

What often happens with guys, is that we violate our own bar and go below our standards in an effort to please her or do something for the relationship, and inevitably it doesn’t work.

Generally the woman loses respect, and we feel on lesser footing so our confidence and all that starts to weaken, and it’s basically a personal betrayal which no one should ever do.

Although it occurs all the time, it’s really awful to the self. It’s a personal betrayal to attempt to please another person.

The woman loses respect for you, the relationship suffers and generally if there’s too much of that, the relationship is going to fail anyhow so the girl is then gone and you’re left with no girl … and, worst of all, your own standards have been compromised.

Sometimes, to a devastating degree, you’re broke, or maybe even homeless, because you compromised your financial standards and spent too much money. Not every guy can relate to this, but there are so many examples of guys doing ridiculous things for woman and then they’re totally bereft and bankrupt afterward.

No girl, no standards, self-esteem is in the toilet, and they only have themselves to blame. It’s dark, dark hole.
Maintaining High Standards – Unwaveringly –
Leads to Massive Attraction and Better Relationships
The flip side is if you maintain these standards, a lot of it has to do with the ability to say no either verbally or with your actions.

Like, “No honey, we can’t do that. No, I cannot dip into this fund for your big fucking ring you want.” Whatever the shit is. When you do that, when you have the ability to act and say no to stuff, and the many demands of the female (which are always going to be there by the way) … then you actually show her the line, you build self esteem and self respect, she respects you more – and the relationship actually has more solidity and is stronger.

Your terms can be in place even in a very short interaction, even in just trying to get laid. That’s why I was so good at it, because my terms were fucking rock solid. Chicks could feel them and she’d be withered.

She’d either come over to my place, and get fucked properly or she’d turn tail and get out of there. Either outcome I was pretty cool with, because I was operating with what was okay with me, my own personal standards of what I would accept.

Ultimately, when you operate this way … when it ends either short-term or a girlfriend doesn’t work out, it’s not that you have ventured anything or risked anything, but you haven’t betrayed yourself. You were okay with all the decisions you made.

 A wise guy once told me something, and this it totally relates to interpersonal relationships as well …

I was in a situation with a former business partner, and I was complaining, “This fucking guy Andy really pissed me off.” He said, “Paul, you’re not mad at Andy you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad at how you behaved in response to him.”

I’ve seen it all has to do with the self. I’ve learned that so much over the years. It was true, in that case, something made me uncomfortable in our business relationship – but instead of calling it out, I had just continued forward and there were consequences, not terrible ones, but still painful consequences down the line.

Generally speaking, we really suffer more when we betray ourselves than when someone else betrays or offends us. It may not seem that way initially, but the self-betrayal is much deeper and stays with you.

And you have to be careful, because there so many ways a guy can compromise once he has a beautiful woman in his life. Maybe he stops working out because the girl wants him to go do something at night, or whatever his time is.

Or, like I was saying in the example of living in New York, I had $1,000 in the bank and I knew I had to pay my rent in a week – and if I let the girl talk me into shopping and it cost $500, then all of a sudden I can’t pay my rent and I’m freaking out, stressed, and suddenly have this unnecessary anxiety.

Plus, the other thing that’s imbalanced about it, and I generally didn’t do that but that type of behavior with regard to shipping … but the reason why it’s so fucked up is -- on top of everything else – in my experience the girl didn’t give a shit that I can’t pay my rent.

It doesn’t all of a sudden become her problem now and she’s like, “Oh my God.” Generally speaking, no. She won’t care. So you have to.

And I’ve seen this with many of my friends as well. One of my buddies is really happy with his current girlfriend, but at the same time if she makes decisions, or she does things, she goes crazy on expenses that he doesn’t authorize or agree with necessarily – at the end of it – he can be upset and be like, “What the fuck?” She’s like, “I guess you’re going to have to make more money.” He’s come to realize that he will always be the one to fix it.

Because she’s never going to stress or borrow money or work harder in order to bail him out. In my general experience that’s absolutely true.

Most women simply will NOT accept any responsibility or accountability for the consequences of what that means for you. This is true, even in the context of a marriage – think about a divorce, where she might spend more than half the money in the relationship … and then it’s over, and she leaves and takes half. Without any qualms at all.

Again, the reason I’m harping on this is that really beautiful women often have had men catering to them on a financial level, so they are very free and irresponsible with money – no sense of consequences because they’ve rarely if ever had to deal with the consequences.

So just keep in mind she might put you in a difficult situation – and then not care or be responsible for that at all. Again, it speaks to the importance of maintaining the standards – even if it seems rigid at times.
One more example, just so this is clear …

Let’s say you’re in a serious relationship – or even a marriage – and there’s a bill coming up. She does something and you don’t have that firm boundary or that clear line in place, she does something spends a lot of money or whatever and because of her actions, you can no longer pay the bill.

And let’s say it’s a collective thing like the home mortgage or something like that, and this just goes to show the degree of non accountability, because often she’ll be like, “Alright, now it’s your job to fix that.”

It happens more than you think, though it’s true that women do work and create money more than ever, the point is that if it requires extra effort, strain or stress – she often won’t go the extra mile. Indeed, she won’t even allow herself to be discomforted by maybe going out to ask a family member to borrow it or whatever.

She’ll just be like … “it’s back to you as the guy to fix it.” And in a sense, she’ll be 100% right because you were the one who compromised your standards and let it happen.

One way that this circles back and applies so much to this report is that what I’ve seen is really hot, really demanding girls, really the best pair for them is a guy with really strong terms.

 It kind of turns them on to have boundaries put on them like, “No honey, no.” 

Then generally speaking, a guy with strong boundaries also has accumulated resources so he may say no to this $3,000 Gucci bag but he’s disciplined in his personal life that they live comfortably overall.

When we talk about eights, nines, and 10s -- obviously some of these women are really entitled and demanding but really hot – so make sure that you know what you’re signing up for.

Because otherwise you’ll be blown out pretty quickly. Either she’s going to bankrupt you, even not financially but in other ways – I’ve also seen guys that abandon their social life. She says, “I don’t want you to see Jeff. Cut him out.” 

“Okay honey, okay.” In other words she can have you sacrifice social things too.

My father once said that one of the things he regrets the most is something silly he did when he first married my mom …

Basically, the story is that he had a past relationship with a French woman from when he lived there in France. They had a pretty involved and very complicated romance, but he loved the woman and even had a daughter with her.

Anyway, so when he met my mom and married her years after, 10 years after, as some kind of stupid display of bravado he ripped up all the pictures of his former love interest.

Now, he’s an old man and he divorced my mom after 10 years of marriage and now he’s remarried to an ex-nun outside of Seattle. He’s an old man now and at this point, he wishes he still had those photographs. They were beautiful and part of his life. I remember him telling me about it, and the point was to never do something that’s stupid or foolish – because you don’t know the outcome of the relationship. He really regrets doing that.

He would love at this age, he’s in his 70s, to have these pictures of when they were young together. He’s like, “How stupid was I? I tried to impress your mom by doing something like that.”

It’s a word of caution to guys because you’re generally going to regret that kind of stuff. You never know what will happen, don’t do something you’ll regret later just to impress her. It never works.

One more thing: Even if a guy lands a hot girl who has a lot of dimensions, even in a best case scenario, make sure that your terms are tough and intact because they’re going to be challenged all the time. I don’t want to give the impression that it’s just insecure or LSE women who will challenge your terms.

All women will, it’s biological and part of evolution – they need to know they are with a strong guy who won’t buckle under pressure. So just expect it, regardless of who you are with.

Of course, if she’s testing and challenging your terms too much – that also is not a great sign, if purely for the fact that it’s a big workout to constantly have to tussle with a girl and negotiate because she will push, she will test, test, test.

Guys say, “Oh, I want a hot girl.”

But are you really prepared to handle her, and her demands, and her tests? You better be ready.

One cool thing, though, is that if you have strong terms you have to put them up repeatedly – it can lead also to hot passion and great sex. Because you standing strong while she’s trying to lead you in different directions will create a lot of sexual tension and attraction.

So that’s another really good thing that comes out of you being firm with your terms and boundaries.

This is where a relationship can help you grow significantly as man. In my own case, and pretty much every guy I know, your weaknesses are a lot of times being exposed by a woman’s tests -- and if your terms are clear but need some strengthening, being with a really hot woman can be a really amazing learning process. You’ll see where you are strong, weak and you’ll get the opportunity to strengthen your terms in ways you can’t always do on your own.

This is very powerful, and even guys who have been beaten up by beautiful women (in the figurative sense) often come out of it much stronger the next time they’re in a relationship.

So don’t feel too bad if you’re inexperienced and have to learn some of this the hard way, my intent is just to save you as much pain as possible so that you get all the benefits of being with a beautiful, amazing all-around women with little or no downside.

Another metaphor is the wind and the flag pole. The feminine energy is more like the wind – or sometimes like a storm if she’s upset – and you’re job is to just be strong, stable and not move. Be sturdy and support her, but don’t bend. She will pass like the wind – sometimes I’ve heard the women likened to the flag, in that she relies on your support and strength.

So keep that in mind, she will test you, but as you become strong and pass the tests, it becomes an amazing experience for both of you.
What To Do Once You’ve
Found the Right Woman
Now, let’s say you do find that woman that we’re talking about. She’s an eight, or nine, or 10 physically – but she’s also got other really good qualities, she’s not super deficient in self esteem.

One of the things though that I want to cover – before we wrap up this report – is to paint the picture of what it’s like once you’ve got her, once you’ve found the right girl, she’s hot, she gets you off, you’re compatible, you’re really into her, she’s not super deficient in self esteem, she’s into you, you guys hook up or have sex, and you’re ready to kind of go into that relationship direction.

As we mentioned before it’s a lot easier to dupe a hotter girl into a quick sexual encounter – but keeping a truly high-quality woman around for longer is a little bit more challenging.

So before we wrap this up, let’s go through some of the things that it takes to maintain a relationship with an upper echelon type of girl.

Some of the things we have already discussed, such as the strong boundaries and terms. That’s huge, perhaps number one.

Another point would be a strong identity which is very related but subtly different in terms of knowing who you are.

I personally believe that boundaries and terms are very closely related to preferences which have to do with identity.

In other words, a strong guy will say, “I don’t feel like eating Thai. My stomach is upset I want to eat whatever.” The girl says, “But I want Thai.” “I said not tonight honey. I don’t want to eat that. No.” And the decision is final. You could come up with a bunch of scenarios, but basically a strong preference that he doesn’t back down from.

Now, I don’t want to have people misinterpret this as being fully rigid.

All it means is that you’ve thought through how you’re living your life and where you want to go, and there are some areas where no amount of pressure from her is going to get you to back down.

Because one of the biggest thing I’ve realized is in a monogamous relationship the one term that is not negotiable really, and it took a long time for me to swallow this, is monogamy.

My girlfriend pretty much lets me do whatever I want. I travel, I am away often, we were long distance for two years. But, the one area she refuses, where I must honor her terms, is with monogamy.

I mean, I could but she would then say, “I’m going to move on because I’m not going to stick around.”

So on that point we’ve both battled fiercely and I’ve seen that, in order to have her in my life, I need to not be involved with other woman. That’s a huge concession for any guy, but especially someone like me who had built up such a lifestyle and skill set around sleeping with many women.

I think beyond that, if a quality guy makes that one concession he should really not be too eager to make that many more concessions. I mean everything after that, in my opinion, should almost be on his terms.

We have this dynamic, but then again, I’m much older and I make most of the money and stuff, but that’s such a big concession that after I believe that most women shouldn’t be too demanding – of course, it doesn’t always play out like that for most guys.

But that’s because they generally surrender their terms slowly – to the point where you have this stereotypical image of today’s married man who has no balls, no terms, no assertiveness left.

Don’t be that guy – and recognize the danger that comes from compromising your important terms even once.

To do this you must know how much strength you have in the relationship. A guy with who a girl doesn’t value him very much, she can push his terms all day and she’ll be like, “You can have your terms by yourself in that corner. I’ll see you later.”

So the degree to which you can actually enforce your terms is relative to the degree to which she has attraction and value of you. The respect really has to be there, or she won’t care enough anyway.

Related to identity another thing, and all this stuff is so fluid, we’re segmenting boundaries, and terms, and lifestyle, but all these things are so interrelated.

Identity for example, part of your identity would be, “I love having really awesome male friends.” I maintain this standard, and I love going out with my buddies and watching sports, or whatever it happens to be.

That’s an identity component, it comprises a portion of who you are but it’s also gets into lifestyle, what you do with your time, and how you go about living your life. To have a really fulfilling relationship with an attractive woman – one that is balanced and not compromised – all those things need to be really, really strong.

Another a big point, and this is something that has definitely been said before in the seduction community, you’ve got to have an attractive identity/lifestyle generally if you want to keep a higher quality woman in your life.

In other words, if your lifestyle is pretty boring, or it sucks, you never do anything interesting, you’re just sitting at home all day – then you’re going to have a tough time keeping an 8, 9 or 10 in your life … high self-esteem or otherwise, she’ll just get bored.

I could go into more detail about lifestyle, but again, there’s six billion different lives lived – and they all have value – so everyone is different, yet there are some universal things …

But before I do that, let me say again that I think a guy who has a very ho-hum life can still be VERY attractive to a woman, especially sexually if he has very strong terms, even in a micro situation because she’s used to getting what she wants and he doesn’t give in, he’s like a immovable rock.

So she’s just like biologically turned on.

I remember one time I was with friends in a very upscale club, and there was this really hot waitress who wanted me to take a shot, which I continually refused. I kept my terms, where many guys would have buckled.

Now, it was a very short interaction and she knew nothing about my lifestyle but she was attracted to it. So later, after all my refusals and not any real conversation, she ends up giving me her number without me even asking – and then I end up sleeping with her that same week. Crazy!

Now, this is a short-term sense, and getting back to lifestyle – it is important that in a serious relationship you have a good lifestyle you guys can share. It will make things more alive and give her more incentive and engagement/stimulation needed to stick around.

Think about it in terms of options …

An attractive woman who’s smart and has a little bit of social mobility, she has a lot of options. She can live in different cities, maybe live internationally, she can date bankers, and lawyers, and rock stars, surgeons, she can date a waiter, she can date a taxi driver.

So if you have a horrible lifestyle, she might one day just be too bored and want to go be with another guy who can provide more enjoyment and stimulation – and it’s the same for us guys. We all need adequate stimulation and excitement.

There’s a couple of different ways to think about this. First of all, universally speaking, nearly all woman like travel, and ideas, someone who has an active mind and I don’t mean narrowly speaking like engineering, but ideas and history, and art, and fashion. Ideas about those things, that’s pretty good stuff to have conversations with and interest woman with.

Travel does, some refinement in terms of culture and cuisine, dressing well, you could list stuff that generally woman find attractive. Higher levels of education, strong education, and then fundamentally undergirding all this is financial resources.

If you have money which means options, you can partake in more of all this stuff. Not just for her amusement and enjoyment but also it gets to security, and offspring, and provisioning for them.

Money is fundamental in a way. Not to flash it necessarily but to allow you to do things. You can do stuff cheaply, and if you don’t have money there are ways to still give yourself a great lifestyle, but you’ll be limited in the form of travel and other areas.

Again, that won’t totally limit you in terms of getting an 8, 9, or 10 – but just keep that in mind.

And I will say that woman are actually more forgiving, a lot of times they do want, or need, or like to be around money … IF a guy has a lot of other things in place and at the very least he has ambition and they can feel it, or they can sense that sense of direction and ambition, they’ll forgive lack in the moment of money.

Another thing I will say women LOVE when a guy has a passion for one thing, or a passionate life.

Like a flamingo guitar player, he might be broke but when he plays the guitar he’s so absorbed and he’s so engaged, and he’s just like a beautiful thing to watch. That can be mesmerizing for a girl and maybe she brings some of the other stuff, some resources to the table.

Or maybe he has so much passion and purpose in that activity, she is satisfied – it definitely happens.

Overall, woman do, almost across the board, appreciate and gravitate towards passionate guys. Often times about one thing, they’re passionate about their art. You could also be an engineer, passionate about building. I don’t know if there’s much crossover, but passion really, really gets them excited.

Lifestyle wise, it’s also good to have crossover, things that you do that she’s really into or she thinks are cool or interesting, or whatever but even if that’s not the case a lot of times if you’re just super passionate about certain things or if it’s specifically about one thing, you can initially draw her in just by that passion.

One good example is the movie called Adaptation, with Nicolas Cage and he was the writer and he was two personalities basically – but there is a poor version of him, yet he’s attractive because he’s so intensely passionate about what he does.

Obviously, there are a lot of examples especially in Hollywood where everything is exaggerated – but you can have guys who are normally not candidates even for attraction or a relationship but if they’re passionate in a particular area they can actually draw woman in with that.

On a lifestyle or identity level having a really, really strong, clear passion is extremely engaging to a woman. That’s really good, we’ve covered that well in terms of what it takes to keep her.
The Power of High Standards
One additional element I want to add – which is related to boundaries and terms – is just noting that, fundamentally, woman like when a guy has just really high standards across the board.

Like he’s got high standards for the kind of woman he wants to be with, high standards for his work, he has high standards financially he wants to maximize, high standards for his health.

So if you can convey you’re a guy with really high standards across the board, and not just convey it actually be it, you’re going to attract a much better all around woman – usually one that’s beautiful AND has her life together, a very rare woman.

The only caveat here is that some woman will disqualify themselves because they’ll feel like, “Wow, I don’t have a chance with him, his standards are higher than mine.”

She might be hot, which the guy might say, “Oh damn it.” But that’s not a terrible result is it? That you’re only attracting woman at your standard or above?

You might miss some fun with some hot girls that have low standards but generally I don’t think there’s a lot of down side to maintaining high standards.
Remember, this report is more about long term situations. The downside you’re talking about is more short term but this whole discussion is really about building quality, lasting relationships with the right type of woman.

So it’s really important to keep this in consideration. By maintaining very high standards and strong terms – you will probably miss out on some fun with hot women here and there … yet in the long run, you’ll be better at attracting a more complete, more attractive overall woman – and I’m operating under the premise that’s what you’re looking for.

I hope I’m right about that. ☺

Oh, one more thing I almost forgot – which is very important in upgrading to a higher-quality women – is the ability to walk away …

If a girl senses you’re afraid or you don’t have that ability to just be able to say, “Alright, this doesn’t work for me I’m going to walk.” She will walk all over you figuratively.

That’s why it’s not a bad idea to have – one guy I know advocates this, still on occasion go out and be around attractive woman of the opposite sex in a social setting – so you don’t get your head too deep in the hole.

You realize that there are other woman out there and you are still calibrated to normal attractive females your age. You don’t lose all the calibration because you’re only interacting with one girl.

This is really important, in fact.

Remember that quote that we had about the terms?

Well, I remember when I first saw that on my friend’s piece of paper than he carried around. And on that same page it also said, “That a guy is not ready for a long term committed relationship until he has mastered short term recreational relationships.”

I think that is so true. I felt I was very strong entering this current relationship because I had really mastered the short term and could easily attract other women at will. In other words, I wasn’t coming from a place of lack or insecurity.

Being able to walk away, along with the ability to meet and attract women in a short-term sense, really helps you bring a lot of things to the table.

One of them is there’s no doubt in her mind that you will be fine if you were single tomorrow -- especially in terms of getting your needs met -- and it helps you know that. That’s a check on irresponsible behavior.

In other words, a girl should know, I believe, that a guy has a breaking point and he has an ability to go out and harvest bunches of new girls if she acts up too much because that keeps her in check.

Everyone needs checks on their behavior, including the girlfriend and the guy. 

To really to commit to a long term relationship I think it’s very helpful for a guy to feel that he’s very successful in – and it doesn’t have to be getting laid on a one night stand, but that he can go out and develop sufficient interest from other females if he had to.

If a guy feels like this is his only source of pussy to put it bluntly, it really screws his head up because he thinks, “Oh my gosh what if she cuts it off?” which she will do. Even a woman with high integrity could at instances use access to sex as a switch if she feels like the guy can only get it there.

I’ve never had that problem with girlfriends because they know if they shut that down they’re done, I’ll just go out and get 10 replacements. So that’s never even an issue, but I think that needs to be in place because, it keeps a woman more on her toes for sure.

You could also think about it as maintaining your edge in a relationship so that you don’t get seen as this tame, docile, pushover family guy, boring guy and that’s a big part of it. I know there are guys that advocate – even when you’re in a serious, committed relationship – to go out do cold approaches and still meet women. Which can be very helpful for the relationship. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you need move in any direction with those women – in fact, you should maintain the commitment of the relationship, whatever it is -- but it’s a great way to maintain that edge, that flirty edge. It can actually be really good.

Partly, because women can sense it and it also turns them on. It’s another example of when a girl sees her boyfriend having a kind of flirty thing at a party, maybe he’s talking a little too long to the girl at the bar as he gets his drink.

You’ve never seen a girlfriend come so fast with her perky tits, “Hi honey.” It reignites something that could be a little flat because all of a sudden just that little spark of competition gets the sexual tension back up. If it’s done correctly, it’s definitely not bad from time-to-time to have her on her toes a little bit more.
 
And even if she doesn’t see it. I gave you the example where she can see it but even if she doesn’t see it, one of the topics I discuss in the Attraction Formula is mojo – and being in a long term relationship where you are essentially cutting off all your other sexual options – it can harm your mojo if you allow yourself to stagnate.

So getting out there and flirting can help your experience of mojo and your feeling of masculine sexuality.

Most guys, if they’re serious about their relationship, they don’t want to endanger it but there are ways to do approaches, or just even flirt more, or be in tune with that sense of mojo and maintain it, it will actually be really, really good for your relationship itself.

Again, even if she doesn’t witness it, it reinvigorates the guy, I know for myself. So that even on an unconscious level when the guy comes back and sees his girlfriend there will be a masculinity boost. He’ll come back and she’ll sense that on some level.
The Importance of Testing for Integrity
One last piece of wisdom I want to impart, before we conclude, is that it doesn’t matter on a short term, or even on an intermediate term … if you want to get serious with a girl, especially if you’re going to join financial plans and cohabitation this is vital.

And it gets into the area of integrity and honoring her word, even when she doesn’t want to, or she’s emotionally angry, or hurt, or circumstances have changed.

Generally, we as a society say that a guy has high integrity if a business deal goes south – but he had said he would pay for something, and he still writes the check even though it’s totally not in his self interest.

But, he says, “I said I would, so I will do it.” That’s high integrity; even though it hurts him because the other person is counting on it. That’s generally not a female quality, they’re generally, “It’s all fucked, run!” And they abandon all their commitments. That’s what I’ve seen.

However, if a woman has a lot of trouble keeping her word – and is always really late or flaky in commitments, it’s a big red flag.

Because what does that predict? That means a lot of things, that protects the guy, that’s the whole issue. Imagine in divorce and she’s really hurt, she can be vindictive or she can say, “You know what?

As we discussed earlier, and I understand he has obligations, I’m not going to gouge him for this. I’m very hurt and angry with him but he has a life too, he’s a human being, I don’t want to deprive him of that.” That’s a woman of high integrity who is considerate of others or her word even in the face of really disappointing or hurtful stuff.

There’s ways to see that on a micro scale and I saw that with my girlfriend, and I’ve been very impressed with her in this area – she’s beyond any other women I’ve met in this regard.

And it’s great, because it allows me to invest in her and us at a tremendous rate because I know that her DNA is made like that, a sense of right and wrong. Even if she doesn’t like it, “I said I would and here it is.” The whole thing is she doesn’t even have to like it she just has to do it. That’s what I call high integrity.

Now, you don’t have to marry Moses or anything, but you can try and find a girl who has some backbone there. It will serve you well because generally in the long-term things there are challenges and problems, and you’re going to want to count on someone like that.

And the reason, I mention this toward the end is that it’s a fairly rare – yet also pretty important quality for you to look for, at least in a woman you want to get really serious with.

Because first and foremost, a serious relationship involves trust. If you can’t trust that she’s going to do what she says she will do – or honor her important commitments, then you’ll always be wondering about her and this can wreak havoc on you internally.

Again, she doesn’t have to be a saint or perfect – but very few guys think to look for this, and they suffer a lot of pain later on due to some form of mistrust, betrayal or breach in integrity.
Conclusion
Overall, we’ve been through a lot together in this report. In a sense, I’ve jumped around a little because this is really not a totally linear subject.

Relationships are very different from the systematic 1-2-3 process that I used when my focus was meeting and seducing women.

And don’t get me wrong, like I’ve repeated throughout, I believe that your ability to meet and seduce women (short-term) will significantly help you when it comes to being in a quality long-term relationship.

Still, relationships are more organic and fluid – you can’t just follow a formula. And the best way to learn, above and beyond excellent resources like this, is to learn the hard way and actually BE in some relationships.

You will learn so much about yourself, more than this report could ever hope to teach you.

The primary benefits of what you’ve received here are that …

- You know have a better sense of both the positives (and negatives) that come from dating and being in relationships with beautiful women …

- You have a better sense of the types of standards, terms and lifestyle you must maintain IF you are going to attract a quality woman for more than just short-term sex …

- You better understand what it takes to relate with her in a masculine way, thus ensuring than respect is maintained and she never walks all over you …

- And you have a far more clear, more detailed set of criteria you can use when you meet beautiful women – that will allow you to tell which ones are worth considering for something more serious …

The last one is essential, because it automatically and immediately makes you more attractive to women when you have clear criteria that you look for.

Which doesn’t mean that you have to rigidly go through your checklist – but never-the-less, allows you to have a compass that will steer you in the right direction when it comes to women and relationships.

I hope you benefited from some of these gems, and the real test will be whether you can apply them as you go out and live your life.

It will always be tempting – for any guy, no matter how strong – to reduce his standards or concede terms, especially when he meets a beautiful woman and she seems to want him to do that.

However, in the long run, you’ll be so much better off … so much happier and stronger as a man … if you stick to your guns and don’t go back on who you are, or what you accept for yourself.

I appreciate your time, and wish you all the best in your journey in finding the right woman for you.

Sincerely,

Paul Janka
Introduction
Very few guys want to be a player forever.

Obviously, I don’t know any single guy who’s going to turn down casual sex
with a beautiful woman …

Still, put that same guy in front of his dream woman – and if there’s chemistry
– he’d quickly jump into an exclusive relationship with her.

I know, because I’m one of those guys.

Having approached thousands of women and slept with hundreds – I would
occasionally find myself in a situation where I got along and connected so well
with one particular woman that I’d stop going out and looking for new ones.

It was rare, but it happened. In fact, I’m currently in a relationship with a
fantastic woman. Yes – me!

Which again proves the point – that almost any guy will forgo the “game” if
the right woman comes along.
But How Do You Know When
You Find The "Right Woman"?
That is the subject of this report. 

You see, the bigger problem – well, actually there are two main problems:

1) A guy can’t get into a relationship (i.e. find a girlfriend) at all … or … 

2) If he can, he settles for a woman who is less than what he really wants.  

Both are extremely common issues. And the first one is actually better tackled by my book, The Attraction Formula – which you should already have read.  

And that’s because getting a girlfriend isn’t all that hard once you actually start meeting more women, creating attraction with them, bringing them home, and so on.  

In fact, with just a little bit of game and effort, chances are you’ll find women who are willing and ready to be your girlfriend.  

Actually this is what women want most – they’re constantly looking out for a guy who they can get serious with.  

So, if you’re the kind of guy who has had very few relationships – or struggles to find a girlfriend – then the most important thing for you to focus on is meeting more women and creating attraction with them.  

The better you get at that, the more options you’ll have with women who are attractive and have girlfriend potential.  

In essence, this report is written a bit more for the guy who has – can easily be in a relationship – but the problem is that it’s not with the kind of women he wants.  

Put differently, it’s for the guy who has continually settled for 6’s and 7’s … when he knows he could be with an 8, 9 or 10.  

And I’m not just talking about looks – yes, we all naturally want a physically hot woman, it’s in our DNA – yet I’m also talking about other qualities that make up a great girlfriend. Qualities that we’ll discuss extensively in this report.  
How to Use This Report
There are dozens of ways you use the information on the pages that follow, so let me give you a few tips.

 
- First, just read through it from beginning to end. Allow your mind to take in all the information without focusing on any one area …

- Second, once you’ve read the entire report, pick a single area that you think you can or should improve in. Focus on that for now …

- Third, once you feel you’ve improved in a specific area – feel free to move to another area and work on that …

Don’t rush. Just focus on slow, systematic improvement.

There are several reasons for this. First, most guys fail to use and therefore benefit from information like this. They just move through it quickly and superficially – and experience little change.

The other reason is that getting a true 8, 9 or 10 requires that you have your act together in a much deeper way – in other words, what works on a night stand won’t necessarily work with a beautiful, intelligent woman who has lots of different options for guys who are willing to commit to her.

At some point, every guy wants an amazing girlfriend.

It’s a fact of life, and the reasons for this are obvious:

- Beauty is important to men; we are biologically wired to want the best possible genetic candidates …

- It feels good not to settle; it’s far more fulfilling for a guy to be with a woman that you’re attracted to both physically, and in other ways …

- A more attractive woman will keep you interested; in other words, you’re far more likely to cheat or stray or get bored if you’re genuinely attracted to the woman …

- You get social validation; let’s face it, as guys we like the respect and validation that comes from others seeing us with a beautiful woman, it’s actually currency in a social sense …

- You raise your status with other women; another benefit of being in a relationship with an extremely attractive woman is that other women will see you with her and hold you in higher regard – perhaps even want to be with you themselves …

- Less risk for STD’s; obviously, if you’re just sleeping with one woman and you both are clean and monogamous, there is no worry of getting any STD’s …

- Care and nurturing; a good woman who is very into you will tend to want to express her affection in a variety of ways … she might bring over food, cook, support you in difficult times, help keep your place clean, the list goes on …

- Guaranteed companionship; while it can fun to be with new girls each week, there are no guarantees. Yet if you’re in a good relationship, you know that you’ll have someone to be with almost whenever you want – so loneliness is rarely an issue …

- You can build something meaningful over time; once you find the right woman and you’re into an exclusive relationship – it normal and awesome to take her on trips, spend weekends together, and do things you just couldn’t do with one night stands. In this sense, you tend to build something much more meaningful with her …

Say let’s say you’ve been dating 6’s or 7’s – and you want to be in a relationship with an 8 or a 9. Or maybe you want to make the leap to dating full-blown 10’s (inside and outside).

Well, part if what we’re going to cover will also help you to not completely powerless or in a situation where she has the complete upper hand. Because that sucks too. This material is designed so that you’re on equal or better terms.

You see, it’s one thing to have had girlfriends, or have been in serious relationships before. But if you’ve been dating women who are more on the average side – and you really wants be with a more attractive woman – well, there are some adjustments and challenges that come along with a higher-caliber woman.

But before we get into those, let’s touch upon why this is such a crucial thing …
Why “Upgrading” Is So Important
First off, it never feels good to “settle.” It will eat away at you, on a deeper level when you know you could be doing better.

However, I’m really big on doing it for the right reasons.

For instance, early I mentioned the social validation that comes from a hot girl. Now I’m at kind of a tipping point where I’m old enough that I can see things a little better than when I was younger. I think younger guys value the respect and attention that comes from other guys. Also as guys get older I think they understand the cost that sometimes comes along with a very hot girl, including potential tantrums, expensive upkeep and some of the other things we’ll discuss in this report.

I remember in New York I was dating this very hot Ukrainian girl. She was one of the hottest girls I had taken around. I had slept with hot girls but I was usually kind of wham bam thank you ma’am.

I couldn’t get in her pants but she did like me so we’d go out and make out and stuff. I brought her around a couple of times and every time I would go places, and this is the weirdest phenomena, I took her to a cigar lounge once and for food at this Ukrainian restaurant and I would come in with her and it would kind of send ripples through the place. She was definitely an attention grabber.

Then, we’d sit down and on a couple of occasions she would go to the bathroom and random dudes would come up and sit in her seat. They wanted to meet me. They were like, “Hey man, I just wanted to say hi.” Solely based on how hot that girl was.

It was the weirdest thing. At the cigar lounge two other guys came over when she went downstairs or to the bathroom. I didn’t put it together, it was very weird, because usually men don’t walk up to other guys, I was like, “What’s going on?”

Then of course I realized they see her and they just want to know how that happened, or how I’m with her, or how that was possible.

I don’t know why because generally if I saw a really hot girl with a guy I would not go talk to the guy, I think he’d probably get aggravated. In other words, guys are possessive so if you go down and say, “Oh that girl is so hot.” He’s liable to punch you in the face.

Anyway, I digress. The point of all this is that as a guy, you need to be careful about focusing on getting a really hot woman for the wrong reasons.

Often, we want validation or approval or to “impress” other guys, just as guys were impressed with me when I brought the super hot girl around. (In my case however, I wasn’t looking to impress anyone, it just happened and wasn’t really an issue.)

But if your motives are validation or trying to get respect or impress others – often times you won’t be as selective with the girl, especially in certain areas and this can cause you a lot of trouble.

Because exceptionally attractive women often come with a whole new set of problems and challenges that you might not necessarily be prepared for.

This might have you wondering … “Okay, what are the right reasons to be with a really beautiful woman?”

Glad you asked! ☺ Well, first of all, I would never recommend pursuing a relationship with a woman just because she’s “hot.” I know this may sound obvious, but trust me, it’s not to most guys.

Especially since many attractive woman are flaky, selfish, deceptive, needy (emotionally, financially, etc). Now, I realize this sounds very stereotypical, and of course, it’s not always the case, but often it is. And so you need to be cautious.

Because hooking up is one thing, entering into a relationship entails bringing this woman into your life – and in the latter, some damage can be done by her if you’re not ready or aware of all these things.

Now, in my opinion, the right reason to enter into a relationship with a really attractive woman involves things beyond the physical – such as:

- You guys get along really well
- You have fun together
- Great chemistry/connection
- You share similar interests/lifestyle
- Mutual respect and admiration
- Complimentary qualities or traits

These are just a few. Obviously, I’m not a relationship guru. I’m not the guy you go to when you want to learn how to communicate better with your girlfriend, that’s for Dr. Phil, or Oprah or some relationship author.

Yet, what I will say is that while all my relationships started with physical attraction and desire, they were sustained by these other aspects.

And I mention them because most guys will often ignore them and be in a relationship with a beautiful woman purely for some of the other reasons we’ve discussed previously.

Note again, that I’m all for getting the most beautiful woman you can find.
Because it’s definitely true that a more attractive girl will generally keep you more engaged.

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a relationship, a more attractive girl is going to keep you more engaged, more interested, more excited. This is a tad obvious, but when you settle, you also have to realize that chances are you’re going to get bored in the relationship and you’re going to get frustrated.

So be sure that – BEFORE moving in a relationship direction with any woman – that she’s a attractive enough to keep you interested over time. Granted, she doesn’t have to be a “10” or look like a playmate, BUT she should at least turn you on and get your blood flowing, otherwise you’ll get bored. Trust me, I’ve been there.

On top of boredom, when you settle for a girl that is less than whatever you’re really into, you might have to deal with breakup, yet there’s still an outlay of resources, and energy, and time, and all this stuff that may not be worth it.

Where, if you actually get what you want, go after what you want, you generally feel a little less conflicted and more engaged in the process and it actually motivates and inspires you a lot more. Again, these are somewhat obvious but it’s important to kind of begin with these things.

We are laying the foundation, again, so that you have the right motivation for pursuing a relationship.

Let me say a couple of things here at the beginning that might complicate our discussion a little bit.

I created this so it would be useful for 18 year olds – but also by someone who is 40. What I found, in my own experience, is that there are different phases of a relationship. In the beginning the cosmetic stuff is very important, how hot she is. It’s always important that you want to have sex with your girlfriend and I’ve often looked at that in relationships.

Basically, you get into something with a girlfriend and then there’s just a new girl, a new hottie in bed and you’re like, “Wow, look at that.” But then you often you tire of what you have.

So, I think the first phase, cosmetic is really heavy but I would say the intermediate phase of relationships and girlfriends there are other qualities that are more important, that I have found like character and patience. As well as some of the other things I listed.
Also, On the Negative Side …
There are so many things that I have found that can disqualify a hot girl from any kind of girlfriend consideration. This is where I don’t know if I’m mainstream in that regard. The number one quality in a woman that is important to a guy, and I’ve heard this said before and I think it’s so true, is how she treats you.

 
So a guy can somehow lasso a hot, hot chick and she’ll walk all over him and bleed him dry. Some guys, because of low self esteem, might stay in that kind of thing but ultimately she’s going to leave and the guy is resentful. That’s not a very good working partnership.

I do think after the initial, “Wow, she’s hot phase.” And you’ve banged her a few times, I think however long that lasts, and with young guys I think it lasts a little longer but once you acclimate to that there’s a whole middle range that has to do with elements of basically character, maturity, honesty.

Not to mention things such as liability, responsibility that in my experience are the real keystones of something working. Just like people who come from fucked up parents, they’re fucked up. If they come from responsible mature parents they’re generally like that.

So when you get serious with a girl it’s like a family relationship – because obviously she has the potential to become a wife and the mother of your kids. So a whole set of new things come on board that have very little to do with what she looks like. This is not as relevant to the guy in his early 20’s, but as you get a little older, these become very meaningful considerations.

Again, the focus of this book isn’t necessarily to tell you everything you should be looking for or demanding in a woman – because that’s really unique to each guy. Only you can truly know that.
But the point is that if you’re compromising your standards in these other areas – just because she’s hot – you will generally suffer because of it.

Just know that, get clear on what you want from a woman other than looks, and then don’t compromise (in terms of entering a relationship) if a woman lacks those qualities … no matter how hot she is.
The Dynamic Equilibrium of Relationships
Another thing which is VERY counter to a lot of these pick up artist systems and approaches out there – is that you must grow and rise up to the level you’re seeking in a woman.

 
In other words, I think you can sleep with a girl in the beginning by being super charismatic, or fun, or exciting. But I believe, just like the stock market, that everything finally finds its value.

Put differently, a super high value guy will eventually attract a woman of high value and a low value guy, a guy has a low status, no amount of gimmicks or tricks can fool a high status woman for very long.

Unless, you are very malicious and you fool her and impregnate her, which happens, her life is then inextricably bound up with yours. Then you have basically a fucked up situation.

If you don’t do that generally a high value woman will drift away no matter how many tricks or gimmicks you have. Just like stock with an IPO can rip up but over time stocks find a price at a value they are worth over the years.

Look, let’s say a girl who comes from money, went to an Ivy League school, and this is very stereotypical and I apologize, but we’re dealing in hypothetical here, so it’s not a big deal. So let’s say she’s a surgeon, her dad is a Congressman, she spent years in France, generally speaking she’s going to try and find someone of same stature in terms of experience, worldliness, education, earning potential, background.

I think it’s a myth that unequal people can be bound together for very long. I just don’t believe it. Maybe in Hollywood, but not in real life.

So if a girl has all those things and then she’s attractive, in general she’s going to be extremely selective of a guy particularly in a relationships context. She might hook up in a moment of passion.

Or in a drunken state or on vacation, but that’s an exception – and it’s not a relationship, which is what we’re talking about.

When it comes to a relationship, her standards are going to be significantly elevated. We’ll talk about this a bit more later in this report, but it’s crucial to understand that higher caliber woman longer term there is definitely an evolution that has to take place.

And you DO actually see this in the teachings of some pick up artists, where they admit that the ultimate angle is a lifestyle improvement such that you are actually a better dating candidate.

Another thing to consider …
What Makes Up a
Genuine 8, 9 or 10?
Once you go beyond mere looks – which we’ve already discussed the importance of – it’s natural to consider what truly makes a woman a genuine 8, 9 or 10.

 
Again, we’ve covered some of the qualities and things that need to be present, and I’ve also shown you why it’s important for you to introspect and figure out what’s important to you.

However, another thing to consider is that things are not always what they seem to be on the surface … so be cautious.

To use another financial analogy, I think things are generally priced in. Like there’s an efficient market in dating and let me explain this because I think it’s an interesting point. If you have ever been to a new city and you go to a restaurant, or you go to a big city, sometimes the flashiest places have lousy food.

You think, “Why would they do that?” The experience is so beautiful and this and that. In other words, they can attract a certain clientele even without the food being that great because they have such a commanding view and they’re in a fancy place, and the waitresses are beautiful so they don’t need to hire a really good chef because people will still come.

Whereas sometimes you’ll find, and in New York this is very common, a really good restaurant, that is totally out of the way in non-descript housing but they don’t need to pay fancy stuff for the façade or the address because people will actually come because the food is so good.

So why do I say that? With a hot girl, you can get a super, super hot girl but if you feel like, “Oh my God she’s out of my league but I can get her.”

If that’s the case, be wary of other facets of her life, or character, or education, or money, or habits, or addictions, because she knows and the market is priced in, there is a reason why her standards are low for example. I think that’s also something to be weary of.

You might cynically want to target those types of girls but the point is why are all these gorgeous girls in porn? Well, because you’re only seeing one facet of their presentation.

For these reasons, it’s often better to be with a woman who is maybe an 8 in terms of looks, but has more balance in her life and other things going for her – versus the woman who is a 10 in looks, but is a complete mess.

Just like the restaurant example, the women who are 10’s get so much attention and just naturally have a long line of guys who will date them and buy them things, they never need to develop other qualities. Whereas the woman who is an 8 usually tends to have more character, personality, and so on.

Again, these are stereotypes and certainly there are times when you find a 10 on the outside – plus lots of amazing qualities – but it’s super rare.
Also, Remember – Sex Isn’t
Always Better With the 10!
Also, in my experience, one of the reasons why guys want really hot woman is there are peripheral benefits like social status and everything but also because of sexual interest and desire.

They’re assuming that sex will be better, they’ll be more into the sex. A lot of what guys do comes down to the sexual component. But one of the things that is very interesting is you can have a 10 that is frigid.

In fact, I’ve been with a lot of models, and they are notoriously bad in bed.

Often they are not free with their body, and frigid, and kind of cold. But she may be like a model type and have a beautiful face, and a nice body or whatever. On the other hand, you can have an eight, just imagine some really curvy sexy eight Puerto Rican girl or something like that, that is just so freaky, and hot, and warm, and she can dance in sexy ways, or she gives you amazing blow jobs.

For me, this is coming from looking at 250 plus data points of sleeping with various women to my life at this point, and I know there’s sometimes an inverse correlation between looks and the quality of sex.

Just as you can have a really beautiful woman with no personality – you can also run into gorgeous women who are just lousy in bed. That’s maybe partly because they’re self conscious because they have this perfect image of themselves.

It’s known in the model business, I have friends who are in that business both guys and girls, and models are the most insecure about their looks because so much is predicated on what others think about their looks.

That is so heavily weighted there in terms of self esteem. The same thing, for example, with a model she might not risk looking goofy, or even farting in bed, (not that I’m advocating that, lol) but there’s so much self consciousness that she might make a lousy sexual partner even though she’s gorgeous.

The other thing is she might just feel to the guy that he’s just so damn lucky to even see her disrobe that all she has to do is lay there and he should bow to her feet.

Whereas, a more average girl, she might just be more fun and really go at it and just be fucking hot to bang. I definitely have had incredible sex with girls that were like cute but you’d take one look at her on the street and be like, “She’s cute.” And sex is just off the charts. That’s just another thing to definitely consider.

As guys, we obviously think first with our dicks. There’s no getting around that, it’s biological. And because we enter into relationships at least in part because of the sexual component, you’ve got to not just prioritize beauty but also that sensuality and sexuality.

There are ways to kind of screen for that, particularly if you’ve got a little more time and a degree of courtship when you’re talking about moving into a relationship versus a one night stand. When you’ve got a little more time to actually screen for sexuality, sensuality, and kind of get a gage for where a girl is on this level.

Just ask yourself:

- Is she sensual? (This will show in her voice, her dress and many areas)
- Can she move her body in sexy ways?
- Does she tend to touch or eat erotically?
- Is she warm or affectionate?
- How does she kiss? Hot? Passionate?
- Is she free and wild when you get physical? Or reserved?

Again, these are things you can screen for in advance – so that you don’t end up with a beautiful woman who is lousy in bed.
A Few More Benefits …
Another benefit to having a hot girlfriend versus bouncing around to one night stands, to having an assumingly high quality girlfriend, which we mentioned earlier is that – if you’re really in to her – there’s going to be less outside temptation.

Well, actually I’m not a good example for this. Because I have such high sex drive that I guess I’m always at least a little tempted.

But overall I think it is true. If you’re truly happy with your girlfriend, and you’re probably still tempted but at least you’re less likely to give serious consideration to actually do something with another woman or cheating in some way.

I guess it depends on how you define temptation, because it’s still always easy to see a hot woman and be like, “Oh wow.” Or, physically your body might be drawn but at the same time, to the degree to which you’re actually genuinely content with your girlfriend, you won’t seriously, or meaningfully stray.

I’ve certainly, no matter what type of girl I’ve been with, I’ve always thought the next girl is also intriguing just because you can’t get around a baseline issue which is familiarity.

In other words, I don’t care how great of a steak you’re eating, or hamburger, it can be amazing but I can only eat a few In and Out burgers and I’m done. I think if we’re just talking about raw lust I don’t know if I agree with that.

In other words, you also see all these movie stars, they have the most perfect physical specimens but they’re cheating all the time, Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley. I think how a girl looks has very little bearing on how sexually satisfied the guy is a year in or two years in. But again, you can override that.

However, this gets back to the point I made at the beginning in terms of the relationship being about things other than just looks.

The fact of the matter is I’m in a relationship where I’m satisfied. We have great sex and all this stuff but there’s a lot of other components that go into that.

And if it wasn’t good all around, I’m not just talking about looks but connection, chemistry, personality, etc. then temptation tends to set in a lot more. Internally a lot of times there starts a process in motion where you’d be like, “I’m going to start looking around,” or, “I’m going to consider going in another direction.” That internal wheel is in motion and that happens a lot whereas, if you find someone who actually satisfies you on multiple levels, you’re less likely to make that decision and move in a different direction to potentially cheat or look for something else.

And that’s a bummer, because when there’s cheating or an ugly breakup – everybody loses. So it’s better to be more selective upfront and choose wisely – you’ll save both parties a lot of wasted time and heartache.

Another benefit we covered at the beginning, which I think is a little bit cynical but I think it’s also very important.

When you have a hot girlfriend and it’s known, you’re public about it, Facebook, or in your social circle and she’s hot, you kind of set a bar so that when you do break up, other hot girls are going to take notice of you because woman generally judge a guy’s eligibility based on how hot the girl is that he’s with.

This is partly how you elevate your standards and you’re ability to get hotter women in relationships. In other words, if you’ve tended to date 8’s or 9’s in the past, it’s a lot easier to find another one.

Which isn’t to say that you must have had them in the past – many woman won’t know your past anyway, but it makes it easier because it establishes a precedent that other women often notice.

And then when you become single, you’re quite eligible in the singles pool having had a hot girlfriend. You generally see that’s the case, the other hot girls will then line up and even if they don’t quite know why, they want to sniff around a little because they’re like, “She went for it and I deem her to be hot, hotter than I am or sexier.” So they come and sniff around. That’s generally the case I have seen.

And I think that now more than ever this effect is multiplied with Facebook and everything. So if you’ve got this really hot girlfriend and you’re in a relationship and there’s pictures and stuff all over, a lot of other girls on Facebook and other social media will notice that.

Then, as I mentioned, when there’s a breakup, those girls will categorize you in a way that’s relative to that girl. It’s true it does elevate your eligibility or your status.
Figuring Out The Best Type of Woman for YOU
As I’ve repeatedly stressed, it’s important that you define what an 8, 9 or 10 truly means to you – because it’s not just physical. So let’s cover a few more of the considerations …

This is not an easy thing for me to comprehensively cover, because from the outside in a way it’s one of the most subjective things, how are you going to define it.

In my previous writing, in my book and other stuff that I’ve done I kind of give this wide breath, I kind of steer clear of it because guys have all different kinds of preferences, and there’s racial preferences and other things.

I think we can be productive in the sense we can talk about a lot of different variables and considerations and then I think it’s actually important and useful for a guy who is reading this to set down on paper even what his ideal is.

Like, “My sexual ideal, if I can snap my fingers what is it?” It embodies more than what she looks like, how she behaves, and this and that.

Get that down and then really don’t settle until you have something that is pretty close to your match. I think it’s good to explore all your variables and then define if for yourself because I think if I just try to define the universal thing it’s just not going to work.

There’s another point that is really important that I’m lightly touching on, and I want to make sure we make this point because it affects everything going forward.

Earlier, I mentioned guys have their preferences and what could be an eight, nine, or 10 for one guy could be a six for another guy – and the important thing to realize is that the subjective feeling or attraction you FEEL is primarily the thing that matters. Yes, some women are “objectively” beautiful -- but how she makes you feel or how you perceive her looks or personality is what really matters most.

If a girl is genuinely like an eight, or nine, or 10 to you, she gets you off, you’re in to her, you think she’s gorgeous, you like her and other people think she’s ugly and stupid, and that’s exaggerated, but that’s really what matters.

And that’s what this report is really aimed at, helping you upgrade what is meaningful and get something that is significantly more meaningful and better to YOU. Not anyone else. As guys, we are generally able to calibrate what that means to them generally personally and that’s really the most important thing here.

Now, I’ve gone through this process having had quite a few serious girlfriends and if I sort of trod her out and start comparing her against the infinite variety out there, of course any girl is going to fall short on certain dimensions. That just kind of puts me in a restless state.

But, it’s not really about that. The litmus test is when you’re alone with her and you’re not holding her up against others that are different do you have a good time? Does she fulfill you? That’s kind of the way I try and live.
Just like I was saying, it’s subjective but in the end subjectivity is all that matters really because you as a guy, that’s your experience of her so why do you care what others care.

There are some caveats there about the benefits we discussed about that have to deal with social stuff, aside from those generally, the subjective experience of someone is what matters because you’re the one feeling the feelings and having the experience one-on-one with her.

So if you have a girl that you’re really into or your attracted to, if you can look at her and think, “Wow, she’s beautiful,” or when you’re alone with her or you’re getting excited, or really turned on, or whatever that’s what matters and you’ll know that or not.

Like we said, there are those social things where you think she’s a nine and most people generally would rate her a six, socially you might not get the same level of validation, or from other girls you might not get that upgrade overall eligibility in future instances, but if you’re happy you’re happy.
We could be beat this to death so let’s move on. The subjective is primarily what matters here.

A lot of it has to do with as I get older, because I’m 36, and also maturity and I think basically a life plan, there are different phases of life.

Something I struggle with, and I have a satisfied and active sex life with my current girlfriend, however, I have struggled a lot coming from a super oversexed single life, I’ve struggled a lot with what is the appropriate – if you think of a relationship as a pie – how much of that is about sex and lust and how important is that?

It’s an individual decision, but if you look at older couples like your parents, or people in their 40s, or 50s, or 60s with kids, and they have responsibilities, it’s not really like, “Oh my wife is so fucking hot I can’t wait to bang her.”

Yes, you want an attractive wife but there’s so many other things to consider. If you look at the pie again, is she a good mother? Is she good with money? As I get older the wedge about lust and sex shrinks.

With my married friends and stuff, this is clearly the case especially, based on the kind of woman they’ve decided to marry, that piece of the pie it looms huge for a guy who is 23, 24 but I think overtime reallocating or repurposing that pie chart, that’s a huge, huge thing and it’s a really challenging struggle for a guy.

You have choices, what type of girl, how old is she, what are her plans in life, this and that, and that is something that I have given a lot of thought to. It’s very related to what we are talking about in terms of how we want to package it and how much we want to say, that’s up to you as a marketer.

But, I think there’s a lot in there that a guy who is 40 reading this might identify with and a guy who is 20 won’t.

Also, oddly enough, what I said about me coming from an over sexed single life is one thing – but I’ve found too that the opposite can also be true. Let me explain.

One of my friends, and this applies to many of the guys I’ve worked with have come from a very under-sexed kind of background before entering a relationship. The guy I’m thinking about in particular had only been with 5 women in his whole life before his current girlfriend. He went to an all boys school, and then Stanford University, which is notoriously bad for attractiveness of the women – and on top of that, it wasn’t that easy to get laid.

(Have you heard the joke about Stanford? Nine out of 10 chicks in California is hot and the 10th goes to Stanford.)

So he was coming from that experience, and he felt like, “Well, if I’m getting into a relationship I need to have a strong sexual component to this relationship – because I’ve already spent enough time not having a lot of it. There’s no way I’m just going to lock myself in and be sexually bored or celibate a lot of time.”

So he was very clear that he wanted to be super physically attracted to the woman, and have a strong sexual component to the relationship. It had been something that wasn’t a big part of his life previously, and was (and is) very important to him now.

So his current relationship – fiancé actually – is this drop-dead gorgeous Caribbean woman. Extremely sensual, sexy and very passionate. I applaud for knowing what he wanted/needed and going for that. He didn’t settle and now he’s happy because of it.

And I bring that up because I actually think more guys are going to be coming from this position than they are coming from the position I was in, where I had already slept with hundreds of women.

I mean, once a guy has even a modicum of player skills like he can get laid decently single, getting married or becoming monogamous is an enormous concession. So keep that in mind that you need to be very satisfied relative to what you are giving up, otherwise it’s not worth it.

In fact, I read something before which totally resonates with me – and it says that the biggest sexual turn on for guys is variety.

So basically, by signing up for marriage it’s almost by definition you’re making that piece of the pie, lust and sex, a smaller part than a guy who decides to remain a bachelor and kind of poke his hands into all kinds of things.

A woman actually wrote and said, “Forget passion and romance in marriage. Marriage is much more like running a small non-profit so make sure your spouse is a decent business partner.”

Like scheduling when you pick the kids up, the mortgage is due, and I find that to be the case with my current girlfriend too. Like when are we going to eat, are we going to eat together? I mean of course you will still have “sex,” it’s just this whole different reality.

Likewise, I’ve found some truth in the cliché about finding and being with your best friend. Personally, I feel that most clichés (like when women say that they want a “nice guy,” are bullshit) …

But in the case of being great friends, I think it’s true and essential.

In fact, a lot of times you’ll read these dating profiles and they say that they’re looking for their best friend, that’s actually a pretty meaningful cliché because when you get into a relationship, no matter how hot she is if you can’t hang with her and just enjoy going to the movies, eating, watching TV, and so on.

Whatever the activity is if you just don’t really, really like being in each other’s presence and doing things together and really love that and can kind of do anything together and just have that aspect of the relationship, it’s generally going to be painful. There’s going to be degrees of discomfort, awkwardness, and just things that will wear on you.

Especially if there are any times when the sex goes dry, or it’s not there, then you don’t have that component of it -- otherwise it will just be too painful and it won’t last.

Someone I respect actually once said, “Take sex out of the picture and then decide, ‘Would I choose to hang around this person?’”

Then, you can put the sex back in and that’s fine. But thinking this way will further help you to make a wise decision, in my experience. And I’ve had about six serious girlfriends and I’ve banged a ton of random chicks, so I feel I’m fairly qualified.

Think about it like this: Even a super bunny rabbit couple might copulate so much in the first year, but eventually at year end how many hours a day are you screwing? Not that many.

You’re usually doing other stuff, a lot of non-sexual activities, so if you don’t have a great rapport and have a sense of humor with her and all this stuff it’s going to be pretty dry.

Either that, or you have to have a seven hour a day sex life going on which is a lot of work. ☺

Again, I’m not trying to write a complete relationship book here, and I want to keep pretty focused on really helping guys upgrade. But, as I said, a good starting exercise is to write down all the qualities that are important to you. And not trying to use someone else’s criteria – but really focusing on how YOU define those and what those mean to you.

I’ve listed a bunch already – but here are more qualities for you to consider:

- Personality
- Intelligence
- Sense of humor
- Sexiness/sensuality
- Fun
- Warmth/Affection
- Caring
- Loyal
- Trustworthy
- Integrity/keeps her word
- Degree of maintenance (low vs. high)
- Compatibility/commonality
- Conversational skills
- Flirting (in other words, do you guys flirt easily and often?)
- Sexual satisfaction/compatibility
- Communication
- Money management
- Emotional stability/poise
- Passion
- Goals
- Career/profession
- Respect
- Style/image
- Background
- Family

And I’m sure there are many more. Also, while these are generic – the most important thing is that you pick out which ones are most important for you and you define them – subjectively – in a way that has personal meaning for you.

Because this is what will allow you to actually develop strong criteria that will cause you to make smart decisions about entering into a relationship.

What’s interesting is that – for me personally – people often assume that because I have an Ivy League education, that I demand that the woman I’m in a relationship is super smart.

But that’s not the case. Which isn’t to say that my current girlfriend isn’t smart – she’s actually quite bright, especially in certain areas, but the point is that I don’t actually prioritize that very high in my relationships.

In my case, I’ve actually always gone for girls that have very maternal instincts because I’m already a little bit too intellectual and have that connection with so many friends and other people in my life – I feel like I don’t need any more of it. This is partly why I was never attracted in college to those super gung-ho career woman.

In a sense, I felt like they were masculine, and they were bristled, I just never could generate any kind of sympathy for them, they were like competitors in a way.

Generally speaking, with a few exceptions in college, I’ve never really gone serious with those types of girls. In my current relationship which is headed potentially towards something more serious and marriage, my girlfriend we’re totally worlds apart in terms of what we’ve focused on relative to education or the fields we’ve studied. And that’s okay – it’s great in fact. She brings things to the relationship that I love, and likewise, I bring things to her that make for a nice compliment.

But everyone is different. Another guy who maybe doesn’t have a strong education or who wants more stimulation in that area, he might really be gravitated towards like a doctor, or a woman who is a lawyer, or whatever. That might be so much the Holy Grail to him – so I understand that there’s a little bit of risk in generalizing.

For instance, I know tons of female lawyers and that doesn’t impress me.
I mean it’s impressive but I’m not looking for a female with an advanced degree, or even a college degree. To some other guys, if they don’t have one they might want that to feel like, “Wow, I married up.” So that generates a certain amount of respect and that’s one angle in the relationship. I think it totally depends on where you’re coming from.

Or maybe formal education isn’t important – but at the same time, you want a woman who is really intellectually curious and interested, because this maintains a good degree of mental stimulation. The friend that I mentioned earlier from Stanford is like this.

His fiancé didn’t go to an Ivy League, she’s actually international, but she’s also an avid reader and very intellectually curious. And he loves that about her because it gives them all sorts of things to talk about and share.

When I was chatting with him about this report, he told me that he really loves how she reads a lot and can speak about books or topics in an intelligent and articulate way.

Or, that he and she can watch a movie together and discuss it.

His perspective is that there are all these little things and activities in a relationship where, if you can at least have a degree of intellectual stimulation with each other that is engaging and meaningful, it doesn’t then it keeps things more interesting. Both people don’t have to be super ambitious or intellectuals. I just depends on what’s important to you.

In my own case, again, it’s not quite as important to me because I get that stimulation from so many others in my life. For instance, my mother is extremely bright, she has a PhD from UCLA and she speaks like six languages, she’s been a teacher her whole life. She’s probably the most stimulating female that I have a personal relationship with.

She sends me articles, and our politics are slightly different, we’ll get into fairly sophisticated conversations and so on.

In my dating life, however, I’ve never really looked to the women in my life for that. I mean I have a particular group of guy friends that I went to school with and we’ll get into some pretty involved discussions about intellectual topics but generally speaking I get that stimulation from reading The New York Times, and the Economist, and other published work.

For me, it was always more important that the woman I’m with compliment me in ways or areas where I wasn’t as strong.

For instance, once of those areas (probably my Achilles heel) is emotional intelligence.

Now, I’m good with people, I’m not like emotionally retarded in that sense but I can be hyper analytic. Often, I’ll be stuck in my head and completely oblivious to emotions I’m feeling – or to what someone else is feeling. Also, I can be really moody (it’s not just girls who are moody!) But the woman I’m with has so much emotional intelligence like patience, and warmth, and she can sense a feeling when she walks in.

When you think about it in terms of providing parenting – we don’t need two super analytic people raising kids. It does help however, that she provides that really sound moral compass, she has a really good sense of right and wrong. I’m much more willing to visit grey areas of morality, to put it euphemistically. She also has a really strong pragmatic backstop. Not only that, she’s also very action oriented.

I can putter around a lot and she’s just snap into action and say, “Let’s do the dishes. Let’s get it done.” I’ve never traveled so much and done so much in my life since I met her. She’s like this electric motive force in my life. We just go and get it done, there’s no time for whining just, “Get your shit together and let’s go.”
 
Getting laid and hot girls, that was primary focus before. But settling into a relationship is different now, and I’m more willing to concede something on the sexual side because of all the other areas of my life that are enriched because of the relationship.

Put differently, I’m in this relationship for reasons other than sex, and we compliment each other really well. As a point of contrast, my last girlfriend was super hot but really moody – and so if our moods synch up it was totally awful.

I also love that she she’s just so playful, and so warm, and so silly which is a huge part of me because I can be very cerebral so I need that other side to balance it out. I would never trade all that for some girl that could talk about Proust, walk me through Hobbes and [Cont 46:36], and we could talk about all kinds of stuff.

I know I’m speaking personally here, but I bring up all these aspects that are important to me because I think that they also might generally be important to other guys. Just personality traits like playfulness, or feeling emotionally comfortable and light around that person, not awkward.

That’s a big consideration as well, because there are certain types of woman who are just flat out emotional roller coasters – and, on the other hand, there are certain girls that are significantly more even or stable.

Particularly as you go up the “hotness ladder” of women, that emotional stability actually becomes significantly more rare so that’s something to look for.

It can test you and actually force you to grow but at the same time, and maybe this is a good transition into the next topic … but if you’re going to be around a girl all the time and she’s that roller coaster it’s almost inevitable that you’re going to be affected.
The Red Herring of the “Hot Woman”
As I’ve mentioned throughout this report, being with a super hot girl often comes with a lot of strings, and it’s not always it’s cracked up to me.

In fact, if you’re not careful, the wrong beautiful woman can do a significant amount of damage to you as a guy.

It’s kind of like the red herring, because there’s a really big difference between having a one night stand with a hottie and actually bringing her more on a deeper level into your life.

When you do that, the later, she can wreck havoc financially, emotionally, and in a lot of ways.

For instance, there’s this quote from Marilyn Monroe that says, “If you can’t handle me at my worse you don’t deserve me at my best.”

That’s the mentality a lot of these exceptionally attractive woman (especially the outrageously hot 10’s) because there is such a long line of guys who are ready to take them on that they don’t feel the need to hold themselves to any kind of behavioral standards.

For instance, if you look at it like the dating marketplace, one way to address that segment of the market is to label those “bang only” girls. But, as I explain and outline in the Attraction Formula, you have to have sufficient skills to bang them.

Generally, girls will let you sleep with them one or two times, but once they’re embedded in a relationship but it’s not always so easy to keep them in a “friends with benefits” relationship but bang them on the peripheral.

To be honest, and I know this is really hard for a guy who hasn’t been with a lot of women and maybe kind of freaks out when he’s in the presence of a 10 … but many of the super hot women out there are fun to bang, sexy, kinky as shit in bed, give you great orgasms and it’s like, “Wow.” They’re so hot that you take that pause while you’re banging them, you kind of pinch yourself, it’s an awesome feeling.

But that doesn’t mean they are relationship material. This is crucial – because if you can get them to sleep with you, you still have to have the discipline to be like, “Alright, that was fun.” But keep it to that, bedroom only.

Again, not all the really hot women are like this. BUT many of them DO come with a lot of craziness and bad habits.

And the same way she treats her own life is how she’s going to start treating your life. If her life is in shambles and you have a somewhat dysfunctional life, and I found myself in this position in New York, I had to be very careful about to what degree did I associate with these girls beyond sleeping with them.

Think about a girl who was the total princess growing up, maybe her parents didn’t hold her to high behavioral standards and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted.

Then later, she great up and became so hot that guys never stood up to her. So it’s not uncommon you encounter these types girls where, much of their life, they’ve never been forced to tow any kind of line. And they just feel like there’s really no limit on what they can do – whether it’s spending money, or freaking out, or creating drama, or whatever.

That’s actually a huge segment of generally, young hot women.

Now, I’m not a club guy. I have of course have been to clubs to meet women, but it’s really not my scene, nor is spending the money. I was pretty broke in New York. I would take public transportation which was open 24 hours, even on a cold night I generally walked instead of paying the $20 to take a cab.

Circumstances have changed now but that’s how I lived my life, I was very, very frugal.

I was a guy say in my twenties and I was fucking hot for these little tatted up, piercing, just fucking hot little club chicks. The big challenge was that I had absolutely no overlap with their lifestyle, and I don’t drink either, so they want to drink and get fucking wasted and then lose their wallet, and their iPhone, and so on, and pay $40 for the cab, and then go out and spend all that money. 

Meanwhile, I was trying to build up some financial reserves.

But my lifestyle was so different than theirs – but of course I wanted to fuck them. So the way I operated was it was sleep with them and that’s it.

I was not even interested because their lifestyle was so incompatible with mine. But a guy who was maybe not as extreme as me could find himself saying, “She’s so hot.” And then try and integrate her into his life. Then suddenly there’s all these cab rides and meals and little things that he wasn’t really feeling he would have to spend money on … and now he’s spending.

Or he’s late to work because she’s like, “Come out to the club we’ve got a table” and he’s up super late at night.

Generally, these girls are some of the hotter ones. I guess the upshot of this is there is a big difference between a girl who is hot and you want to fuck, and then the girl who’s more compatible with your lifestyle and values.

In a way it’s very obvious but I think it’s easy to get blinded by a girl’s looks and not realize that her lifestyle is absolutely not what you want, if you’re like a responsible hardworking guy, for example.

So if you’re serious about moving forward, you meet a hot girl and you want to potentially move in a more relationship direction, it’s good to really start to screen and do your best assessment of what state her life is in.

How does she handle money? How’s her apartment? Does she have an apartment? Where is her money coming from?

If everything is a mess and she just seems like chaotic and all over the place, it’s generally saying she’s going to bring that. By coming into a relationship she’s going to bring that into your life and can potentially add a really negative dimension to you that won’t work.

What I have seen, and I’m sure there are examples to the contrary, but usually she’s going to bring you down rather than you’re going to get her to all of a sudden reform.

Remember that sometimes guys, which I’ve even experienced myself, but often guys have this rescue knight in shining armor, they want to rescue the girl.

So we’re subconsciously drawn to the girl that’s troubled, almost like the “hooker with the heart of gold” theme that you often see in movies – where the falls for a woman who’s wayward, and wants to save her.

You’ve really got to be careful because that sense of rescuing a girl is generally misguided, it’s not even about the love.

As a guy, you may come into that situation and think, “It’s all about the love,” or, “I care for that girl or helping her. It’s going to be a magical thing.”

But really a lot of times those feelings or sentiments are a lot of times bred into you through culture, or through mythology, and all these other sources like TV, fairy tales or movies. You have got to be careful about that influence because you might try to rescue a girl that generally is going to bring you down, rather than you bring her up.
Never Compromise Yourself,
Your Lifestyle or Goals
Overall, it’s really essential that you don’t compromise yourself in any way for a relationship.

Another lesson in this area is the category of hot girls with low self esteem, because I’ve had my fair share of those. I think it’s worth noting because many guys (whether it’s conscious or not) think they’ve hit the jackpot when they meet a really hot girl who’s standards are lower.

It’s almost like guy self assesses that, just for schematics, let’s say he’s a six, and he lands through some gimmick a nine. She’s really hot but let’s also pretend she’s clearly fucked up or damaged in some way.

I’ve done that and I’ve definitely slept with a handful of them. Everyone’s self esteem has areas where they can work on it, but I’ve also had relationships with woman with a level of self esteem that causes serious dysfunction.

So you get the girl, and I have, then you think, “Oh, she’s so hot,” this and that, “She needs me,” so there’s this sense of security in it.

But what I’ve found happens is that low self esteem is corrosive and what happens is it turns inwards – into the relationship – in the sense of high entitlement and not a lot of delivery, or poor function on her part. What happens is basically depression (and boredom) sets in generally in the girl.

The crux of this is if you manage to trick a super hot girl into a relationship where you feel that she’s really out of your league and she has low self esteem, that self esteem is going to be a problem within the relationship.

I’ve had that to the point where I have to get out of the relationship because the woman doesn’t have actually enough internal confidence and trust in herself to make the thing work.

Ultimately, you’re living with a girl, you’re sleeping with her, and this issue manifests itself in all kinds of problems like not reliable, all kinds of shit.

Exactly to your point we made earlier about being the rescuer. It sounds hot in the beginning, the hero thing, to swoop in and be the knight in shining armor but it actually causes functional friction once you get pass the honeymoon stage because she’s not capable of handling herself.

In the example I gave really hot girl with low self esteem, there are so many things that can get fucked up in that kind of situation.

In the beginning, generally speaking, there’s that excitement of the relationship and it fills that void of low self esteem and she feels really approved, and excited, and she’s getting all this attention, and there’s romance and everything but that inevitably wears off.

Then, like when the low self esteem kicks back in again, that depression, that downward cycle, she’s going to try to fill that or change that. It could be like going shopping with your money, or being really demanding about physical things, or it could be that she’s now bored with your attention.

Or getting attention from other guys, which can especially fuck you up if you’re the jealous type.

And when she starts trying to get attention with other guys, and she ends up cheating, or you get in a fight. There’s all these other problems that can come from that. That’s something that the sex guru, David Shade says, and I agree with him, in that if you want a really good relationship (including long-term sexual) – then you must begin by screening for self-esteem.

To be clear, he’s not referring to one-night-stands – where you can have hot or great sex with a LSE (low self-esteem) woman. He’s talking more about having sex repeatedly with a girl, which is really relationship territory.

If a girl doesn’t have self esteem, or varying self esteem, it’s generally going to mess up not just the sex – but the entire relationship – so you really have to do a good job of screening for that in the beginning or you’ll pay the price for sure, there’s no two ways about it.

Most guys, whenever they think about rescuing a girl, that’s usually like a very immature superficial impulse.

Most guys don’t even have the tools to really rescue a girl anyways on the levels that they’re hoping. If they’re honest about it, too, nor would they really want to do that, once they understand everything that’s involved with that.

Because what happens, I mean just no-strings sex is one thing, but when you bring a girl into a serious relationship it goes from two independent unit to in many ways one unit with interdependence and the deficiencies that are part of her life are now going to become deficiencies on your own balance sheet, the unit now has a deficiency and now it’s the guy’s problem. That’s not going to go away.

So there’s definitely a lot to be said about screening for self esteem. It’s absolutely one of the biggest characteristics to look for.

There are unfortunately, or fortunately, whatever, there are a lot of hot girls with great character and self-esteem, and there are plenty of hot ones that have terrible self esteem. And it’s very tempting because they’re kind of easy to pray on, they’re low hanging fruit and they’re hot. It’s actually a big problem, because they’re so hot it’s a lot harder to walk away from them before things potentially get serious.

A couple of things you can use to evaluate self-esteem:

- Does she come from a strong/stable family?
- Does she have good friendships? Good relationships with ex-BF’s?
- Does she speak well or did she have a good relationship with her father?
- Is she always looking for attention or validation?
- Is she always bored and looking for some sort of external stimulation?
- Does she try hard to be noticed or popular?
- How emotionally stable is she? Does she have big mood swings?
- Does she seek or demand a lot of approval – or is she self-assured?

There are many other ways to know about a woman’s self-esteem, but these questions can give you a decent reading on it. You can also use your intuition, which I’ve done quite often.
“A Man Will Be Devastated When a
Relationship Ends to the EXACT Degree
to Which He Compromised His Terms”
I was given this quote many years ago by a guy I know – who had done a lot of internal work and very mature as man. It’s really profound.

Basically what that means is a guy has his standards for himself … for instance, one of my basic standards is that I refuse to be homeless, so I’ll do whatever to avoid that.

On my own personal journey, I hit a low point in my life in my early 20’s where I struggled to even pay for housing. And ever since then, however painful at times, my standards for myself risen from there A lot has to do with one very, very easy metric -- money – because money is a discreet unit of value in so many things.

For example, in my 20s, I would often wait till the last week to really get serious about where my rent money was going to come from. Or, even in a worst case example, say my rent was $800 I would occasionally consider that $800 as potential money to spend if something really great came up.

But at a certain point in my life my standard for having my housing secured became so strong that even going back, had three to five months rent written down in my check book back to zero. It was in my checking account but my check book said zero. It was buried there.

In New York City housing is a big issue and I had some issues with it so it became a very clear standard of mine that there will always be a comfortable roof over my head, no roommates challenging me, and causing noise and headaches, basically a sanctuary.

It was a personal standard and over time my standards have gone up for myself and it’s informed all my decision making.

I guess the simplest way to address that quote I just gave, is that wherever a guy is in his life he has certain standards for himself.

And I think what happens is when he’s by himself, if he can, if he’s not suffering from a mental issue or an addiction, or something, generally he can maintain those standards fairly consistently for himself, whatever his lowest bar is. What happens is if you get involved with a girl and for the sake of the relationship or the girl, you dip below your standards on whatever it is – be it money, time, how you treat your family, all kinds of stuff, generally you’ll come to regret it.

First, the woman will lose respect for you. Women like men with high standards in the long run. Either that or they price themselves out of a relationship with you, as they realize, “This guy is out of my league.”

It gets back to our earlier point, you can chase a girl who feels she’s not worthy but it’s not really that great. Basically, sticking to your standards attracts woman at that level and disqualifies those below.

What often happens with guys, is that we violate our own bar and go below our standards in an effort to please her or do something for the relationship, and inevitably it doesn’t work.

Generally the woman loses respect, and we feel on lesser footing so our confidence and all that starts to weaken, and it’s basically a personal betrayal which no one should ever do.

Although it occurs all the time, it’s really awful to the self. It’s a personal betrayal to attempt to please another person.

The woman loses respect for you, the relationship suffers and generally if there’s too much of that, the relationship is going to fail anyhow so the girl is then gone and you’re left with no girl … and, worst of all, your own standards have been compromised.

Sometimes, to a devastating degree, you’re broke, or maybe even homeless, because you compromised your financial standards and spent too much money. Not every guy can relate to this, but there are so many examples of guys doing ridiculous things for woman and then they’re totally bereft and bankrupt afterward.

No girl, no standards, self-esteem is in the toilet, and they only have themselves to blame. It’s dark, dark hole.
Maintaining High Standards – Unwaveringly –
Leads to Massive Attraction and Better Relationships
The flip side is if you maintain these standards, a lot of it has to do with the ability to say no either verbally or with your actions.

Like, “No honey, we can’t do that. No, I cannot dip into this fund for your big fucking ring you want.” Whatever the shit is. When you do that, when you have the ability to act and say no to stuff, and the many demands of the female (which are always going to be there by the way) … then you actually show her the line, you build self esteem and self respect, she respects you more – and the relationship actually has more solidity and is stronger.

Your terms can be in place even in a very short interaction, even in just trying to get laid. That’s why I was so good at it, because my terms were fucking rock solid. Chicks could feel them and she’d be withered.

She’d either come over to my place, and get fucked properly or she’d turn tail and get out of there. Either outcome I was pretty cool with, because I was operating with what was okay with me, my own personal standards of what I would accept.

Ultimately, when you operate this way … when it ends either short-term or a girlfriend doesn’t work out, it’s not that you have ventured anything or risked anything, but you haven’t betrayed yourself. You were okay with all the decisions you made.

 A wise guy once told me something, and this it totally relates to interpersonal relationships as well …

I was in a situation with a former business partner, and I was complaining, “This fucking guy Andy really pissed me off.” He said, “Paul, you’re not mad at Andy you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad at how you behaved in response to him.”

I’ve seen it all has to do with the self. I’ve learned that so much over the years. It was true, in that case, something made me uncomfortable in our business relationship – but instead of calling it out, I had just continued forward and there were consequences, not terrible ones, but still painful consequences down the line.

Generally speaking, we really suffer more when we betray ourselves than when someone else betrays or offends us. It may not seem that way initially, but the self-betrayal is much deeper and stays with you.

And you have to be careful, because there so many ways a guy can compromise once he has a beautiful woman in his life. Maybe he stops working out because the girl wants him to go do something at night, or whatever his time is.

Or, like I was saying in the example of living in New York, I had $1,000 in the bank and I knew I had to pay my rent in a week – and if I let the girl talk me into shopping and it cost $500, then all of a sudden I can’t pay my rent and I’m freaking out, stressed, and suddenly have this unnecessary anxiety.

Plus, the other thing that’s imbalanced about it, and I generally didn’t do that but that type of behavior with regard to shipping … but the reason why it’s so fucked up is -- on top of everything else – in my experience the girl didn’t give a shit that I can’t pay my rent.

It doesn’t all of a sudden become her problem now and she’s like, “Oh my God.” Generally speaking, no. She won’t care. So you have to.

And I’ve seen this with many of my friends as well. One of my buddies is really happy with his current girlfriend, but at the same time if she makes decisions, or she does things, she goes crazy on expenses that he doesn’t authorize or agree with necessarily – at the end of it – he can be upset and be like, “What the fuck?” She’s like, “I guess you’re going to have to make more money.” He’s come to realize that he will always be the one to fix it.

Because she’s never going to stress or borrow money or work harder in order to bail him out. In my general experience that’s absolutely true.

Most women simply will NOT accept any responsibility or accountability for the consequences of what that means for you. This is true, even in the context of a marriage – think about a divorce, where she might spend more than half the money in the relationship … and then it’s over, and she leaves and takes half. Without any qualms at all.

Again, the reason I’m harping on this is that really beautiful women often have had men catering to them on a financial level, so they are very free and irresponsible with money – no sense of consequences because they’ve rarely if ever had to deal with the consequences.

So just keep in mind she might put you in a difficult situation – and then not care or be responsible for that at all. Again, it speaks to the importance of maintaining the standards – even if it seems rigid at times.
One more example, just so this is clear …

Let’s say you’re in a serious relationship – or even a marriage – and there’s a bill coming up. She does something and you don’t have that firm boundary or that clear line in place, she does something spends a lot of money or whatever and because of her actions, you can no longer pay the bill.

And let’s say it’s a collective thing like the home mortgage or something like that, and this just goes to show the degree of non accountability, because often she’ll be like, “Alright, now it’s your job to fix that.”

It happens more than you think, though it’s true that women do work and create money more than ever, the point is that if it requires extra effort, strain or stress – she often won’t go the extra mile. Indeed, she won’t even allow herself to be discomforted by maybe going out to ask a family member to borrow it or whatever.

She’ll just be like … “it’s back to you as the guy to fix it.” And in a sense, she’ll be 100% right because you were the one who compromised your standards and let it happen.

One way that this circles back and applies so much to this report is that what I’ve seen is really hot, really demanding girls, really the best pair for them is a guy with really strong terms.

 It kind of turns them on to have boundaries put on them like, “No honey, no.” 

Then generally speaking, a guy with strong boundaries also has accumulated resources so he may say no to this $3,000 Gucci bag but he’s disciplined in his personal life that they live comfortably overall.

When we talk about eights, nines, and 10s -- obviously some of these women are really entitled and demanding but really hot – so make sure that you know what you’re signing up for.

Because otherwise you’ll be blown out pretty quickly. Either she’s going to bankrupt you, even not financially but in other ways – I’ve also seen guys that abandon their social life. She says, “I don’t want you to see Jeff. Cut him out.” 

“Okay honey, okay.” In other words she can have you sacrifice social things too.

My father once said that one of the things he regrets the most is something silly he did when he first married my mom …

Basically, the story is that he had a past relationship with a French woman from when he lived there in France. They had a pretty involved and very complicated romance, but he loved the woman and even had a daughter with her.

Anyway, so when he met my mom and married her years after, 10 years after, as some kind of stupid display of bravado he ripped up all the pictures of his former love interest.

Now, he’s an old man and he divorced my mom after 10 years of marriage and now he’s remarried to an ex-nun outside of Seattle. He’s an old man now and at this point, he wishes he still had those photographs. They were beautiful and part of his life. I remember him telling me about it, and the point was to never do something that’s stupid or foolish – because you don’t know the outcome of the relationship. He really regrets doing that.

He would love at this age, he’s in his 70s, to have these pictures of when they were young together. He’s like, “How stupid was I? I tried to impress your mom by doing something like that.”

It’s a word of caution to guys because you’re generally going to regret that kind of stuff. You never know what will happen, don’t do something you’ll regret later just to impress her. It never works.

One more thing: Even if a guy lands a hot girl who has a lot of dimensions, even in a best case scenario, make sure that your terms are tough and intact because they’re going to be challenged all the time. I don’t want to give the impression that it’s just insecure or LSE women who will challenge your terms.

All women will, it’s biological and part of evolution – they need to know they are with a strong guy who won’t buckle under pressure. So just expect it, regardless of who you are with.

Of course, if she’s testing and challenging your terms too much – that also is not a great sign, if purely for the fact that it’s a big workout to constantly have to tussle with a girl and negotiate because she will push, she will test, test, test.

Guys say, “Oh, I want a hot girl.”

But are you really prepared to handle her, and her demands, and her tests? You better be ready.

One cool thing, though, is that if you have strong terms you have to put them up repeatedly – it can lead also to hot passion and great sex. Because you standing strong while she’s trying to lead you in different directions will create a lot of sexual tension and attraction.

So that’s another really good thing that comes out of you being firm with your terms and boundaries.

This is where a relationship can help you grow significantly as man. In my own case, and pretty much every guy I know, your weaknesses are a lot of times being exposed by a woman’s tests -- and if your terms are clear but need some strengthening, being with a really hot woman can be a really amazing learning process. You’ll see where you are strong, weak and you’ll get the opportunity to strengthen your terms in ways you can’t always do on your own.

This is very powerful, and even guys who have been beaten up by beautiful women (in the figurative sense) often come out of it much stronger the next time they’re in a relationship.

So don’t feel too bad if you’re inexperienced and have to learn some of this the hard way, my intent is just to save you as much pain as possible so that you get all the benefits of being with a beautiful, amazing all-around women with little or no downside.

Another metaphor is the wind and the flag pole. The feminine energy is more like the wind – or sometimes like a storm if she’s upset – and you’re job is to just be strong, stable and not move. Be sturdy and support her, but don’t bend. She will pass like the wind – sometimes I’ve heard the women likened to the flag, in that she relies on your support and strength.

So keep that in mind, she will test you, but as you become strong and pass the tests, it becomes an amazing experience for both of you.
What To Do Once You’ve
Found the Right Woman
Now, let’s say you do find that woman that we’re talking about. She’s an eight, or nine, or 10 physically – but she’s also got other really good qualities, she’s not super deficient in self esteem.

One of the things though that I want to cover – before we wrap up this report – is to paint the picture of what it’s like once you’ve got her, once you’ve found the right girl, she’s hot, she gets you off, you’re compatible, you’re really into her, she’s not super deficient in self esteem, she’s into you, you guys hook up or have sex, and you’re ready to kind of go into that relationship direction.

As we mentioned before it’s a lot easier to dupe a hotter girl into a quick sexual encounter – but keeping a truly high-quality woman around for longer is a little bit more challenging.

So before we wrap this up, let’s go through some of the things that it takes to maintain a relationship with an upper echelon type of girl.

Some of the things we have already discussed, such as the strong boundaries and terms. That’s huge, perhaps number one.

Another point would be a strong identity which is very related but subtly different in terms of knowing who you are.

I personally believe that boundaries and terms are very closely related to preferences which have to do with identity.

In other words, a strong guy will say, “I don’t feel like eating Thai. My stomach is upset I want to eat whatever.” The girl says, “But I want Thai.” “I said not tonight honey. I don’t want to eat that. No.” And the decision is final. You could come up with a bunch of scenarios, but basically a strong preference that he doesn’t back down from.

Now, I don’t want to have people misinterpret this as being fully rigid.

All it means is that you’ve thought through how you’re living your life and where you want to go, and there are some areas where no amount of pressure from her is going to get you to back down.

Because one of the biggest thing I’ve realized is in a monogamous relationship the one term that is not negotiable really, and it took a long time for me to swallow this, is monogamy.

My girlfriend pretty much lets me do whatever I want. I travel, I am away often, we were long distance for two years. But, the one area she refuses, where I must honor her terms, is with monogamy.

I mean, I could but she would then say, “I’m going to move on because I’m not going to stick around.”

So on that point we’ve both battled fiercely and I’ve seen that, in order to have her in my life, I need to not be involved with other woman. That’s a huge concession for any guy, but especially someone like me who had built up such a lifestyle and skill set around sleeping with many women.

I think beyond that, if a quality guy makes that one concession he should really not be too eager to make that many more concessions. I mean everything after that, in my opinion, should almost be on his terms.

We have this dynamic, but then again, I’m much older and I make most of the money and stuff, but that’s such a big concession that after I believe that most women shouldn’t be too demanding – of course, it doesn’t always play out like that for most guys.

But that’s because they generally surrender their terms slowly – to the point where you have this stereotypical image of today’s married man who has no balls, no terms, no assertiveness left.

Don’t be that guy – and recognize the danger that comes from compromising your important terms even once.

To do this you must know how much strength you have in the relationship. A guy with who a girl doesn’t value him very much, she can push his terms all day and she’ll be like, “You can have your terms by yourself in that corner. I’ll see you later.”

So the degree to which you can actually enforce your terms is relative to the degree to which she has attraction and value of you. The respect really has to be there, or she won’t care enough anyway.

Related to identity another thing, and all this stuff is so fluid, we’re segmenting boundaries, and terms, and lifestyle, but all these things are so interrelated.

Identity for example, part of your identity would be, “I love having really awesome male friends.” I maintain this standard, and I love going out with my buddies and watching sports, or whatever it happens to be.

That’s an identity component, it comprises a portion of who you are but it’s also gets into lifestyle, what you do with your time, and how you go about living your life. To have a really fulfilling relationship with an attractive woman – one that is balanced and not compromised – all those things need to be really, really strong.

Another a big point, and this is something that has definitely been said before in the seduction community, you’ve got to have an attractive identity/lifestyle generally if you want to keep a higher quality woman in your life.

In other words, if your lifestyle is pretty boring, or it sucks, you never do anything interesting, you’re just sitting at home all day – then you’re going to have a tough time keeping an 8, 9 or 10 in your life … high self-esteem or otherwise, she’ll just get bored.

I could go into more detail about lifestyle, but again, there’s six billion different lives lived – and they all have value – so everyone is different, yet there are some universal things …

But before I do that, let me say again that I think a guy who has a very ho-hum life can still be VERY attractive to a woman, especially sexually if he has very strong terms, even in a micro situation because she’s used to getting what she wants and he doesn’t give in, he’s like a immovable rock.

So she’s just like biologically turned on.

I remember one time I was with friends in a very upscale club, and there was this really hot waitress who wanted me to take a shot, which I continually refused. I kept my terms, where many guys would have buckled.

Now, it was a very short interaction and she knew nothing about my lifestyle but she was attracted to it. So later, after all my refusals and not any real conversation, she ends up giving me her number without me even asking – and then I end up sleeping with her that same week. Crazy!

Now, this is a short-term sense, and getting back to lifestyle – it is important that in a serious relationship you have a good lifestyle you guys can share. It will make things more alive and give her more incentive and engagement/stimulation needed to stick around.

Think about it in terms of options …

An attractive woman who’s smart and has a little bit of social mobility, she has a lot of options. She can live in different cities, maybe live internationally, she can date bankers, and lawyers, and rock stars, surgeons, she can date a waiter, she can date a taxi driver.

So if you have a horrible lifestyle, she might one day just be too bored and want to go be with another guy who can provide more enjoyment and stimulation – and it’s the same for us guys. We all need adequate stimulation and excitement.

There’s a couple of different ways to think about this. First of all, universally speaking, nearly all woman like travel, and ideas, someone who has an active mind and I don’t mean narrowly speaking like engineering, but ideas and history, and art, and fashion. Ideas about those things, that’s pretty good stuff to have conversations with and interest woman with.

Travel does, some refinement in terms of culture and cuisine, dressing well, you could list stuff that generally woman find attractive. Higher levels of education, strong education, and then fundamentally undergirding all this is financial resources.

If you have money which means options, you can partake in more of all this stuff. Not just for her amusement and enjoyment but also it gets to security, and offspring, and provisioning for them.

Money is fundamental in a way. Not to flash it necessarily but to allow you to do things. You can do stuff cheaply, and if you don’t have money there are ways to still give yourself a great lifestyle, but you’ll be limited in the form of travel and other areas.

Again, that won’t totally limit you in terms of getting an 8, 9, or 10 – but just keep that in mind.

And I will say that woman are actually more forgiving, a lot of times they do want, or need, or like to be around money … IF a guy has a lot of other things in place and at the very least he has ambition and they can feel it, or they can sense that sense of direction and ambition, they’ll forgive lack in the moment of money.

Another thing I will say women LOVE when a guy has a passion for one thing, or a passionate life.

Like a flamingo guitar player, he might be broke but when he plays the guitar he’s so absorbed and he’s so engaged, and he’s just like a beautiful thing to watch. That can be mesmerizing for a girl and maybe she brings some of the other stuff, some resources to the table.

Or maybe he has so much passion and purpose in that activity, she is satisfied – it definitely happens.

Overall, woman do, almost across the board, appreciate and gravitate towards passionate guys. Often times about one thing, they’re passionate about their art. You could also be an engineer, passionate about building. I don’t know if there’s much crossover, but passion really, really gets them excited.

Lifestyle wise, it’s also good to have crossover, things that you do that she’s really into or she thinks are cool or interesting, or whatever but even if that’s not the case a lot of times if you’re just super passionate about certain things or if it’s specifically about one thing, you can initially draw her in just by that passion.

One good example is the movie called Adaptation, with Nicolas Cage and he was the writer and he was two personalities basically – but there is a poor version of him, yet he’s attractive because he’s so intensely passionate about what he does.

Obviously, there are a lot of examples especially in Hollywood where everything is exaggerated – but you can have guys who are normally not candidates even for attraction or a relationship but if they’re passionate in a particular area they can actually draw woman in with that.

On a lifestyle or identity level having a really, really strong, clear passion is extremely engaging to a woman. That’s really good, we’ve covered that well in terms of what it takes to keep her.
The Power of High Standards
One additional element I want to add – which is related to boundaries and terms – is just noting that, fundamentally, woman like when a guy has just really high standards across the board.

Like he’s got high standards for the kind of woman he wants to be with, high standards for his work, he has high standards financially he wants to maximize, high standards for his health.

So if you can convey you’re a guy with really high standards across the board, and not just convey it actually be it, you’re going to attract a much better all around woman – usually one that’s beautiful AND has her life together, a very rare woman.

The only caveat here is that some woman will disqualify themselves because they’ll feel like, “Wow, I don’t have a chance with him, his standards are higher than mine.”

She might be hot, which the guy might say, “Oh damn it.” But that’s not a terrible result is it? That you’re only attracting woman at your standard or above?

You might miss some fun with some hot girls that have low standards but generally I don’t think there’s a lot of down side to maintaining high standards.
Remember, this report is more about long term situations. The downside you’re talking about is more short term but this whole discussion is really about building quality, lasting relationships with the right type of woman.

So it’s really important to keep this in consideration. By maintaining very high standards and strong terms – you will probably miss out on some fun with hot women here and there … yet in the long run, you’ll be better at attracting a more complete, more attractive overall woman – and I’m operating under the premise that’s what you’re looking for.

I hope I’m right about that. ☺

Oh, one more thing I almost forgot – which is very important in upgrading to a higher-quality women – is the ability to walk away …

If a girl senses you’re afraid or you don’t have that ability to just be able to say, “Alright, this doesn’t work for me I’m going to walk.” She will walk all over you figuratively.

That’s why it’s not a bad idea to have – one guy I know advocates this, still on occasion go out and be around attractive woman of the opposite sex in a social setting – so you don’t get your head too deep in the hole.

You realize that there are other woman out there and you are still calibrated to normal attractive females your age. You don’t lose all the calibration because you’re only interacting with one girl.

This is really important, in fact.

Remember that quote that we had about the terms?

Well, I remember when I first saw that on my friend’s piece of paper than he carried around. And on that same page it also said, “That a guy is not ready for a long term committed relationship until he has mastered short term recreational relationships.”

I think that is so true. I felt I was very strong entering this current relationship because I had really mastered the short term and could easily attract other women at will. In other words, I wasn’t coming from a place of lack or insecurity.

Being able to walk away, along with the ability to meet and attract women in a short-term sense, really helps you bring a lot of things to the table.

One of them is there’s no doubt in her mind that you will be fine if you were single tomorrow -- especially in terms of getting your needs met -- and it helps you know that. That’s a check on irresponsible behavior.

In other words, a girl should know, I believe, that a guy has a breaking point and he has an ability to go out and harvest bunches of new girls if she acts up too much because that keeps her in check.

Everyone needs checks on their behavior, including the girlfriend and the guy. 

To really to commit to a long term relationship I think it’s very helpful for a guy to feel that he’s very successful in – and it doesn’t have to be getting laid on a one night stand, but that he can go out and develop sufficient interest from other females if he had to.

If a guy feels like this is his only source of pussy to put it bluntly, it really screws his head up because he thinks, “Oh my gosh what if she cuts it off?” which she will do. Even a woman with high integrity could at instances use access to sex as a switch if she feels like the guy can only get it there.

I’ve never had that problem with girlfriends because they know if they shut that down they’re done, I’ll just go out and get 10 replacements. So that’s never even an issue, but I think that needs to be in place because, it keeps a woman more on her toes for sure.

You could also think about it as maintaining your edge in a relationship so that you don’t get seen as this tame, docile, pushover family guy, boring guy and that’s a big part of it. I know there are guys that advocate – even when you’re in a serious, committed relationship – to go out do cold approaches and still meet women. Which can be very helpful for the relationship. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you need move in any direction with those women – in fact, you should maintain the commitment of the relationship, whatever it is -- but it’s a great way to maintain that edge, that flirty edge. It can actually be really good.

Partly, because women can sense it and it also turns them on. It’s another example of when a girl sees her boyfriend having a kind of flirty thing at a party, maybe he’s talking a little too long to the girl at the bar as he gets his drink.

You’ve never seen a girlfriend come so fast with her perky tits, “Hi honey.” It reignites something that could be a little flat because all of a sudden just that little spark of competition gets the sexual tension back up. If it’s done correctly, it’s definitely not bad from time-to-time to have her on her toes a little bit more.
 
And even if she doesn’t see it. I gave you the example where she can see it but even if she doesn’t see it, one of the topics I discuss in the Attraction Formula is mojo – and being in a long term relationship where you are essentially cutting off all your other sexual options – it can harm your mojo if you allow yourself to stagnate.

So getting out there and flirting can help your experience of mojo and your feeling of masculine sexuality.

Most guys, if they’re serious about their relationship, they don’t want to endanger it but there are ways to do approaches, or just even flirt more, or be in tune with that sense of mojo and maintain it, it will actually be really, really good for your relationship itself.

Again, even if she doesn’t witness it, it reinvigorates the guy, I know for myself. So that even on an unconscious level when the guy comes back and sees his girlfriend there will be a masculinity boost. He’ll come back and she’ll sense that on some level.
The Importance of Testing for Integrity
One last piece of wisdom I want to impart, before we conclude, is that it doesn’t matter on a short term, or even on an intermediate term … if you want to get serious with a girl, especially if you’re going to join financial plans and cohabitation this is vital.

And it gets into the area of integrity and honoring her word, even when she doesn’t want to, or she’s emotionally angry, or hurt, or circumstances have changed.

Generally, we as a society say that a guy has high integrity if a business deal goes south – but he had said he would pay for something, and he still writes the check even though it’s totally not in his self interest.

But, he says, “I said I would, so I will do it.” That’s high integrity; even though it hurts him because the other person is counting on it. That’s generally not a female quality, they’re generally, “It’s all fucked, run!” And they abandon all their commitments. That’s what I’ve seen.

However, if a woman has a lot of trouble keeping her word – and is always really late or flaky in commitments, it’s a big red flag.

Because what does that predict? That means a lot of things, that protects the guy, that’s the whole issue. Imagine in divorce and she’s really hurt, she can be vindictive or she can say, “You know what?

As we discussed earlier, and I understand he has obligations, I’m not going to gouge him for this. I’m very hurt and angry with him but he has a life too, he’s a human being, I don’t want to deprive him of that.” That’s a woman of high integrity who is considerate of others or her word even in the face of really disappointing or hurtful stuff.

There’s ways to see that on a micro scale and I saw that with my girlfriend, and I’ve been very impressed with her in this area – she’s beyond any other women I’ve met in this regard.

And it’s great, because it allows me to invest in her and us at a tremendous rate because I know that her DNA is made like that, a sense of right and wrong. Even if she doesn’t like it, “I said I would and here it is.” The whole thing is she doesn’t even have to like it she just has to do it. That’s what I call high integrity.

Now, you don’t have to marry Moses or anything, but you can try and find a girl who has some backbone there. It will serve you well because generally in the long-term things there are challenges and problems, and you’re going to want to count on someone like that.

And the reason, I mention this toward the end is that it’s a fairly rare – yet also pretty important quality for you to look for, at least in a woman you want to get really serious with.

Because first and foremost, a serious relationship involves trust. If you can’t trust that she’s going to do what she says she will do – or honor her important commitments, then you’ll always be wondering about her and this can wreak havoc on you internally.

Again, she doesn’t have to be a saint or perfect – but very few guys think to look for this, and they suffer a lot of pain later on due to some form of mistrust, betrayal or breach in integrity.
Conclusion
Overall, we’ve been through a lot together in this report. In a sense, I’ve jumped around a little because this is really not a totally linear subject.

Relationships are very different from the systematic 1-2-3 process that I used when my focus was meeting and seducing women.

And don’t get me wrong, like I’ve repeated throughout, I believe that your ability to meet and seduce women (short-term) will significantly help you when it comes to being in a quality long-term relationship.

Still, relationships are more organic and fluid – you can’t just follow a formula. And the best way to learn, above and beyond excellent resources like this, is to learn the hard way and actually BE in some relationships.

You will learn so much about yourself, more than this report could ever hope to teach you.

The primary benefits of what you’ve received here are that …

- You know have a better sense of both the positives (and negatives) that come from dating and being in relationships with beautiful women …

- You have a better sense of the types of standards, terms and lifestyle you must maintain IF you are going to attract a quality woman for more than just short-term sex …

- You better understand what it takes to relate with her in a masculine way, thus ensuring than respect is maintained and she never walks all over you …

- And you have a far more clear, more detailed set of criteria you can use when you meet beautiful women – that will allow you to tell which ones are worth considering for something more serious …

The last one is essential, because it automatically and immediately makes you more attractive to women when you have clear criteria that you look for.

Which doesn’t mean that you have to rigidly go through your checklist – but never-the-less, allows you to have a compass that will steer you in the right direction when it comes to women and relationships.

I hope you benefited from some of these gems, and the real test will be whether you can apply them as you go out and live your life.

It will always be tempting – for any guy, no matter how strong – to reduce his standards or concede terms, especially when he meets a beautiful woman and she seems to want him to do that.

However, in the long run, you’ll be so much better off … so much happier and stronger as a man … if you stick to your guns and don’t go back on who you are, or what you accept for yourself.

I appreciate your time, and wish you all the best in your journey in finding the right woman for you.

Sincerely,

Paul Janka
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